Dream Dark Stories

Tag: thoughts

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Five, June 3rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Damn, it’s the fourth already. I’m editing for the third, and I’m adding this on the fourth, dammit, dammit…f***, sometimes life just kind of gets you by the balls doesn’t it?

    Something happened today though, something that resonated with me deeply, and I haven’t been able to shake the thought, which I think is likely a good thing.

    The MS has been kicking my ass, right? I have definitely let it happen to take precedence when there is no need. I panic with worry when dealing with prominent symptoms. But, there’s a thing to that, these symptoms, these are typical symptoms that are cause and due to the damage that has been afflicted to that of the myelin sheath of my spine and the spots in my brain. That’s why the symptoms are there, not something new… I don’t know how I could have been so stupid? I had assumed due to the reaction and incessant lengths, it was having to do with a new issue…it wasn’t. Why to think so absurdly? And to assume that the symptoms I am and still deal with were more than what I’ve been dealing with.

    I wasn’t mentally obliterated with the details shared from my neurologist, I was enlightened…and this coaxing comfort came with this new knowledge.

    ENJOI!!!

    Okie dokie, I know that’s cheap, a cheap take for playlists. Most of the time they’re planned and we’ll, these are the favorites, usually played when cleaning or starting my art. I hope it’s enjoyed.

    So to find that my pain and the issues are to stay the way they are, this is a new norm for me that I need to be okay with. It’s if it changes to something apart from what is known and familiar, that’s when it’s time to call the Doc.

    I know.

    ‘How can I be so dumb?’

    Okay, so real quick, this isn’t some self-deprecating comment, it’s simply an observation of the simplest fashion.

    My own health being how it is, not understanding that the sensations being felt are something I’ve become familiar with, though there are days where it’s more than it is or more than the day before, the week before, that’s to be a different discussion. But it’s the case, it doesn’t mean anything other than having a bad day or a Bad MS Day. That’s it and I made it more than it had to be. I’m grateful that I finally have the awareness and understanding that that’s just the new norm. I don’t know, I guess it’s like stamping it with finality.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night be bliss, may the day be greatly comforting with resolve to the issues.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Four, June 2nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Sleep hasn’t come to me easily…and still I leave a day or two of ’em unwritten, unaddressed, ignored…avoiding, what?

    Is it a haunting of something real? Is it a failure that’s yet to be fulfilled but I’m certain of my doubt so I choose to defeat myself before I give myself an opportunity? Ever do that?

    I have this profound opportunity to tell the life story of a man that’s become a near surrogate father. But I shy away and neglect the opportunities at my feet due to…being frank, it’s fear that manifests through daydreaming of what hasn’t happened. Will I be deemed the loafer, the one distancing myself, removing a chance to make myself something I want to be. Do I regard the discussion? And, how do you compromise without losing oneself? Is this something possible?can I maintain my ground and keep lifting or…do I have to knock my legs out from under?!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night. May the day before you be gentle, graceful, and blissful for that of the night that caresses you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Three, June 1st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    It’s the first. S***, doesn’t it seem like it’s just gone too quickly?

    I document daily, journal hourly, and still I’m looking around, trying to figure out where the hell the time has gone. I step forward and have been, but for some odd reason, the idea of it being nearly half of the year behind us, it’s almost unsettling.

    A favorite of mine. Original or instrumental, either way, she conveys the pain.

    But there are heavy hesitations. Though these hesitations are tied mainly to my health, and my health is directly tied to my all being,l. So it leaves me wanting to figure it out enough where I can get back to schedule, start dropping the continued story of Joel and the Box, start with some new edits and painting drip drops.

    Pillar Three shouldn’t be a difficult passage for me as it’s a matter of being able in finding beauty and art in my surroundings. To be able to interact with this beauty and artistic flow, which I think is something that, thankfully comes naturally.

    Part 3 for Forget-Me-Naught Redux is coming, health and other shit going on in life took precedence.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day bring blissful  reprieve Thank you supporters and readers. Thank you for coming time and again till tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Two, May 31st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I should be writing…

    I should be editing, planning, creating a line to the outline of my life…

    But I don’t, I fight the pains that take my chest and knock me down again and again. Wrestling with a prominent skewering discomfort,  this struggle to breathe.

    I’m sick with an incessant and uncontrollable hiccup situation that has me feeling like I have a xenomorph about to pop out of my chest.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you so much for your support, and continued coming back in again to see how life is and what’s going on in my neck of the woods. Till tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty, May 29th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I had a tift with my spouse, and since I started a new regiment of medications and started seeing a mental health professional I’m feeling steady, I’m feeling reassured, and I have a sense of foundation when I speak as of late. Doesn’t mean I’m fully put together or anything but my arguments are sound, for the most part and they are not tied to an emotional sense, they’re tied to logic and I think this is a good thing. However, I’m finding that this relationship is something that calls for a tentative handling. My patience needs to be shown, my voice limited, and still the 80/20 is applied. 😮‍💨

    I shared this playlist beneath with a family member and though I understood their point, they said there’s something very sad about the music. I don’t know when I feel like a lot of my writing kind of depicts a good story of somebody that is a bit broken, struggling for grasping love and trying to find a good balance of finding myself while also making sure that I apply being there for her and my son. I’m tired, and I have my infusion tomorrow.

    I truly hope you enjoy the music. Again this is very much something special and dear to me these are very personal songs that I listen to casually and regularly

    C’est La Vie

    Enjoi, these are the personal ones, the close to the heart ones, I hope you enjoy, truly.  Have a beautiful day, stay safe, stay sound.

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your life tonight go on into the bliss of the night, the coming day and wondrous future for you and yours.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Nine, May 28th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    A Poem

    By: M. R. Vega

    I hesitate, take a pause, hold my breath, shift to the interlacing threads I know are there and hold a liquid splendor to the rotting of what’s pumping inside.

    The barbs strike, coiling around, around something aching, convulsing, and thrashing.

    The heart it lays heavy, sobbing, liquid gestating to the kind masticating young for the blood to pump life and passion, a gestating for love, for hate. How it whinies, how it crows upon the moon, how it gawks and hoots, suckling at the casabas of us, of you, of me, for love, for hate.

    Atop the chest of us, inhaling the anguish, and spewing the fueling, putrid ale, shoveling into you and I.

    Like pigs greedily suckling, latching and hating, spewing malice, fuming frothing despair. Take upon the lies of dawn, of an earlier darkness that takes and takes all to what is always enough but suck and suck it goes, gestating the hate, gestating the malice that is becoming you and I.

    Becoming you and I. We kick and flail, like infinite children giving up on growing, on changing, let it be, take me to the pits, bring me the fire. What say you?

    The moon is dead, the sun blackened, my hands red, your eyes crying, wet and flooding. The moon is dead like the heart that was, like the heart we made and gave up on.

    The moon is dead and my heart is blackened with the sun, blackened with the mind of you and I. I bet for your needs, beg for the want for what comes with an eternal love, silence meets my ears. Silence meets my heart, for you and I.

    Invisible? Can I no longe be a part of you, wanting to know what you’re needing, what you want, running, running down through to the ground, bloodied and pulped. Struggling and darkened, faded and gone, tripping over the land miness of twisted logic. An ouroboros of the gestating kind, a self proposed ambition of the constant duration to the forever abortion of love and hate.

    Forever.

    Let me be, tell me those needs to keep this going… 

    Like Sisyphus, Hercules, Pandora, and those that spoil. take me to the fire for love and hate. Take me to the squelching gnashing and gnawing hate that fuels the irons, that laces the barbs upon a heart for you and I.

    Sorry, the last few days have said a lot through emotions seen and shown, the living of life and love, am I right?

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, thank you for the views and coming back a time or two. Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Eight, May 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    It’s an arts day.

    A cornea flower.

    Have you ever thought of how the simple act of assuming, traps that of the person you’re assuming is doing, or acting, or feeling, in assuming you’re essentially transferring that person to that of yourself?

    A Man  by: M. R. Vega (in production, acrylic and liquid-poly-clay)

    I know it’s a dizzying question, but think about it. If we are to assume that someone is thinking one thing when it all actuality they’re thinking of the rock that they kicked that fell into the gutter last night, what is it we’re doing when we assume? Are we leaving a hypothetical where there is nothing of actuality? Are we placing the answer that isn’t definitive solely because it’s what we want? And in assuming aren’t we actually trapping the person outside of the conversation therefore having the conversation with ourselves getting mad at ourselves for the idea that brought on the assumption? Again I know, dizzying. I’m not trying to create confusion, or a dizzying spell. It’s a simple factor of questioning. The who, the what, the why, the where, the how? Where are all the questions?

    A Man. By: M. R. Vega (liquid-poly-clay and mica)

    I’m not trying to create confusion, or a dizzying spell. It’s a simple factor of questioning. The who, the what, the why, the where, the how? Where are all the questions?

    The questions I ask, these are legitimate, for the fact that we’re alive, we have the benefit of conversation and the reward of listening and talking. They’re reasonable, these questions that is, because, well, in all actuality, that’s life. We assume, the same where we have opinions. They’re meaningful to us, due to the fact that they’re tied to us. They are an aspect of who we are. So finding an answer is what brings us a resolve that fills a little bit more of who and what we are here in this life.

    A Man  by: M. R. Vega (acrylic, acrylic pour, liquid-poly-clay)
    ENJOI!!;

    C‘est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you readers and supporters. Sorry I’ve been a bit off and late. Health and wellness is a serious thing. Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Seven, May 26th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Hello everyone and to piggy back off of what was somewhat discussed for day 146, pillars one in Pillars two, were both a project that I had thought, once I had an outline and a plan, itd be simple, swift and an easy catch.

    I was so, so absolutely arrogant about the time it takes to truly understand what helps oneself. So for pillar one I found that I appreciate my mental health. I love sharing my music I love communicating, even if I’m talking to a wall there’s something about being able to share and hear the ideas of others that share a parallel to a like-mindedness and I’m finding more and more I need to make an effort to find that. Meaning pillar two needs to grow. But how do you grow but also maintain a strong connection to the tether that you keep as your anchor?

    Healthwise, taking care of my body outside of the mental health, is something I am, I guess, a little loose with. I don’t count my macros, anybody who does power to them, I rarely check my weight maybe once twice a month, I drink a lot of water and I try to make sure I have at least one source of protein that isn’t a fit crunch bar or protein bar. But that goes without saying that there’s the fast food, the engorging on sweets when I am essentially on my period, I love the f*** out of some chocolate when I’m emotional let’s be real who doesn’t. So figuring that out has been fun, troubling, a bit curious to find some things out and I’m excited to tackle yhe next three. But I still am trying to figure out how to build up stronger ties with friends and family when there’s one source that I need to make sure is stronger than anything else?

    Everything takes time, time takes everything.

    So with the stoicism in mind, and the knowledge of Memento Mori, live it up. Live it the best you can and understand those pillars so finding happiness comes at a whim, comes at a blink.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you for your support, thank you for the likes, thank you for coming time and again. I do wish that your day is gentle, humbling, and graceful.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

    Enjoi!!!

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Six, May 25th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’ve certainly been off of my game, these posts are so late, the playlists lacking…ooof, not good, not good.

    It’s maddening. Silencing, numbing, with a daunting hesitance that calls to my pausing. I hold my breath, and wait for the chips to fall, at least that’s what it feels like I’m doing everyday with this anxious anticipation. However, I do feel that I’m starting to find a balance that will hopefully bring a gracious change. My fingers are crossed, I’m trying to be positive about it.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you for your visit, thank you for the support and I hope you well.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Five, May 24th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    So today may be a bit testy, to address pillar one and two of Carl Jung’s goals for happiness, I have some thoughts.

    And these, hopefully are well received thoughts.

    Now, to say that one should figure out who they are first, to then find love, successes, and to start dreaming, knowing who you/they are and understanding who that is, is certainly a fundamental aspect of life. However, it’s not something that can be figured out in just a day. It’s not something that takes or can be figured out within a matter of a week or two. I feel a lot of us rush, and a lot of us aim for adulthood, being progressive and moving ahead quickly enough that you’re not falling on your face. I feel that a lot of us are kind of in this perpetual ouroboros that has the same effect, that end, that same start, again and again. And then we just keep choosing to see it as something else because we don’t want to make the steps of change.

    Because the matter of fact is, life is time consuming and life is time. Everything takes time. This means those people you love, the people that you’re close to, that you’re tight with, it is time that you take the time to know who they are. To know who you are because of them, to know how you affect them, to know that you matter for them towards them and about them. And this isn’t some kind of manipulative psycho baby reindeer kind of way, it’s just a matter of showing the people that matter, that you give a f***.

    I don’t know, there’s something that matters there in being present, even if just for a moment. Saying hello, maybe giving a quick hug, hand shake, blowing a kiss or signing thank you at one another. There’s something about that personable transaction among people that gets me giddy. How could it not? The world, as dark as it’s been lately, is a cherished piece of life, and chance, hope and prospect, and I hang to the virtues that are within these because I think humanity can be good, but I also feel that it’s a matter of opinion. A matter of wanting it or denying it.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you kind readers and supporters, til tomorrow, may the night and day be blissful, cherished and bright!

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Four, May 23rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I should have more than what I have, more written that is, life is I wouldn’t say crazy, I wouldn’t say anything insane, it’s grasping it in the right place that’s difficult. You hear people say “grab the bull by its horns”, come back to me after you try. Let me know how that goes.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’d try at it, give it a go, know what I mean? Maybe. You think about it, and logistically speaking, grabbing a bowl by its horns, there are so many outcomes where I’d rather take the time investigating the possibility in numbers of what can happen than actually face a repercussions. I’ve seen a few men’s faces I’ve been smashed by a bull’s horns that’s not something I want. There was this guy JR, back in the day married and divorced an auntie of mine. And another guy whose name I can’t recall but he did his face didn’t mean a bull his face meant a tree trunk like one of the pieces of the lower branches thick his face ran into that in the darkness riding an ATV. Doesn’t seem like something that I would happen to appreciate happening in my life. At least people I’ve seen has stated above didn’t seem like they were all hunky dory all the time. Anyway I know this is short brief no music today I am realizing I’m wasting too much time making playlists, and trying to figure out what I’m going to say that it’s I’m losing myself and what I’m trying to bring to the blog and I apologize for that.

    Don’t get me started on apologies. That’s a spell of its own.

    But that’s all I have today, I’ll get back into the pillars tomorrow and the day after I think I was supposed to do that today, but sometimes I forget.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you fantastic supporters and readers till tomorrow, may the night, may the morning, may the day be grace.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Three, May 22nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    The heat is starting to roll in.

    The days are struck with a burn that stands still, permeating through the soil, breathing through the walls. It leaves this desire to fly away, if only I had wings.

    I would like to address something having to do with my stories given the name o f the site is about just that.

    Part Three is being revisited as well as rewritten, I have Part Four also in lieu and tow. As I stated in previous posts, I am trying to take care of my mental health and trying to make sure that what I write isn’t a reflection of what I’m dealing with currently. But more the story that I’ve been writing and editing and rewriting since 2011. That said I am still creating art and more editing, and doing all else, I’m just trying to take care of myself and find the aspects that leave me with very little friendship. But that’s for another time, I’ll be back Thursday with more of an update depending on life.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night day and life be bliss, carry you to a new light. Thank you for the support and following.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Two, May 21st, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello

    Let’s address mental health for a minute.

    As a 34 year old, I’m at the pivotal place within that I feel is in need and far past due for a resetting or at the least a re-evaluating of where my self is, and where I am mentally. What steps are needed to help the progression in myself.

    And I kind of laugh at that, the progression that is, because I am progressing further with the multiple sclerosis a more ominously obvious sense of progression.

    Maybe that’s just ghoulish humor, but so it goes.

    But, then I think of Carl Jung, and the pillars that I’m trying to grasp for myself to better whatever steps and motion I take to doing from here and out.

    Pillar one, though I feel I’ve gathered a good grasp of what pillar one means and making sure I am aware and well balanced with a cognizant tether and knowing what my body needs and that of health. So I do take care of my body, I stay hydrated, I eat a good amount of protein and though there are some areas within health, body, and mind that needs some tending I feel I’m getting a good grasp. I’ve got myself a therapist, I’ve got myself a new line of medication and vitamins to help with the MS, and for the first time in a long while, I am starting to see a positive outcome. Now when coming a second pillar though, that has a heavy hand and a sad hand.

    ENJOI!!!

    My friends are limited, they are certainly a small group if not a solo group, and though I’m not a lone wolf all the time, given my friend is an 85 year old man, I try not to bother him. I’m told it’s okay, “call whenever you want“, but at the same time I’m also coming to this understanding that less is more. And there is something gracious about that for me. On a personal level it’s something that I’m cherishing more and more, I don’t know maybe it’s feeling isolated and alone more and more that has me feeling spirited that way and seeing it in that type of light, but it is what it is and I’d rather wake up with a smile and a decent outlook then scowling at the Sun and Moon everyday.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you readers and supporters. Thank you and may the night and coming day be forever graced with joy and bliss.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty, May 19th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Well life doesn’t always go the way we expect, does it?

    As I have stated prior, today, the plan is to spend a good portion of my Sunday with my good friend John. This is the gentleman that I have been doing the Memoirs with, and the more and more we have been talking of life and the pursuit of just living, I’ve been reminiscent to the past of my own.

    I find myself grasping at straws and knowing bits but nothing to be matched to the magnitude of recalling a past like John does. 85 years, and he’s managed to collect most of the memories, unscathed, there’s names mentioned, with an ellipsis following, a showing of recollection just not a full scaled type.

    It’s been a pleasure watching him discover himself through writing while also finding moments of superlatives to be had, an aid to the emotion and the lamenting of those lost in his life. But he doesn’t hang his head low, he laughs at the sound of death, jokingly striking the conversation of fears that may encompass life and the next adventure as, ‘it is what it is’.

    It’s inspiring to watch an 85 year old man wanting to tell his story while also learning more about himself, learning the way he being who he was, is, and how it affects those around him matter.

    Today was just that, we talked. We talked of love, we talked to life, we did do a bit of planning for the memoirs, but overall it was just a communication between Friend and Friend.

    When looking at the second pillar and building upon it, while also maintaining an emotional value with an intimacy and empathy to those that are involved with us, is something that furthers that foundation. It stands at a balancing beam, aiding to the rectification of us.

    At least that’s what I’m discovering and this is just day one of the week for pillar two this may just be a week kind of ordeal, I am hoping to maybe plan having my brother come over where we can kind of incorporate the conversation to building that fortification, more talk, and a plan on having possibly a day with my wife involved on here, and hoping Monday turns out well but we’ll see I’m going to actually be dropping that sooner than later.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night.

    May the night, the day, the hours in between cross your soul and bring the life forward moving forever toward being better.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Eight, May 17th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I may be broke and broken, but at least I’ve got WordPress, my paints, and a tenacity that itches and digs.

    Side note: ADHD is a pain in the ass.

    As is MS, but to have the ADHD on top of that is a double whammy.

    And it’s certainly, if not obviously, getting worse, hah he he he…

    But anyhow, addressing Pillar two. It’s starting this coming week and already I have plans set with John for Sunday. But where we’ll end up I know not, I’m excited though, to see him and talk life, possibly even gander into the memoirs for a bit but…we’ll see.

    Monday, my daughter and I are having a cleaning day together (I know, so fun). I’m looking forward to the time, not having my boy getting huffy and needing things put back instantly and being able to clean up well, it is a fun prospect , 😮‍💨. If you knew how many times these plans are written, scribed and dated, and then nothing happens so… we’ll see. We’ll see how it goes. Fingers crossed.

    Tuesday is a family day, as we’re setting up for the Wonka festivities. My wife, the teacher, has been known to have a big shindig the past three years.

    She tends to go all out and it’s rather eventful. I’m excited to set it up with her, as it will be the last unless her plans change. Hahahaha, we’ll see though right?

    I hate that phrase; the “we’ll see” I feel is so presumptuous, almost alluding to a known or set and planned fail to the itinerary.

    Anyways, I apologize this is a very very very late post I am also going to be posting about some other mental health things and possibly addressing medications I’ll be maybe getting on I don’t know we’ll see how much I feel like sharing and how much I don’t. I guess it calls to being tactful right? But I will be posting this shortly, my playlist may be short as will my Sunday post which of course is my Saturday post.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be joyous, and the night people. Thank you for your support stay safe, I’ll be back tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Seven, May 16th 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Sometimes it just gets to the point where it’s too much, innit? Whether it be life, whether it be the juxtaposition of school and mind, the dichotomy of life and that of a spouse and you, friend, what have you? Leaving you where, what you’re wanting to do is crouch down, either clench and just squeeze your eyes shut till the silence coaxes the ears, the kind, the soul.

    It’s life though, innit. We put ourselves around the people we hope are good for us and that pair well with us; this though changes through the evolution in the self of each of us. 

    And though there may be some differences with change, some part far from what they were what they intended to become, and resort to a cool comfort that is complacency.

    Facing Pillar II under the guise of Jungian theories, I observe and watch, the biggest thing about this is this, I can’t change anyone but me, none of us can change anything but ourselves and how we react to life. Even through relationships, we have a choice, and a call to being accountable for our behaviours and actions.

    What I’m realizing is for the second pillar, it calls to that accountability I was mentioning. Who do you invest in time with, where are the flaws being seen, what is making moves with you and reacting in a positive manner? Find what brings light to you and yours what brings a positive reliance of each other together.

    ENJOI!!!

    I’ll tell you how it goes for me this next week while I reach out to those I do hold close to my heart even if they’re a distance away. Who are the ones where it’s like pulling teeth for conversation, who are the ones where it’s as if life just continued naturally, as if a cognizant relationship with being real connects the lines for you? I bid adieu. I’m very much late with wrapping this up, have a painting glaring at me as he’s not done yet.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to you all, may the day to come the gentle breeze of the hours coax the heart gently caressing you into the night bliss of living.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Five, May 14th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Okie dokie everybody, this is going to be tonight’s documentation of exactly what is happening. My wife is fast asleep, the teenager/child/person-who-thinks-they-are-an-adult, and my little guy are also fast asleep. As a matter of fact, even the dogs are asleep, I am now outside in the shed, quietly smoking, with music softly playing. Unbeknownst to me my neighbors (though I should have known, given the f****** neighbor was mowing the lawn this morning and they never do that unless they’re having company), I mentioned this because of the pillar. The second pillar; Good personal and intimate relations, such as those of marriage, family, and friendships. Yeah, that.

    I’m grateful that what they’re doing over there, I’m not necessarily a part of, I’m also grateful that I get to more or less observe. However, I’m also doing this from at least 75ft maybe 100 ft away, they’re, I think, in the back patio section of their backyard with a projector, whereas I am on the opposite side of my yard in that shed of mine.

    So first I’d like to address that I don’t get it. I get the camaraderie, the affinity for sports and friendship, I guess on the analytic perspective; I don’t get what calls to being around so many people, so many emotions. 

    And I’m well aware that I’m kind of saying this out of my ass, as the simple fact is I came from a family of seven, with a s*** ton of people on both sides. I love the family reunions, and I love family get togethers, so why is the idea of a bunch of friends getting together to watch a sport something I cannot equate? To me, just the idea of it, makes me uncomfortable.

    Hearing the blase type of conversation, heavily supporting one team member to another foe of said team, supportive affirmations and talks back and forth. It doesn’t stimulate my mind and I hate that it doesn’t. What bothers me, is not that I think anything less of them, I just don’t get it, and I used to. I used to play sports, loved playing sports, nowadays the sensation and feelings are just not there. I’d rather watch a show with someone, have a riveting debate over thought and perspective. And I get that this idea that does excite, can translate to a parallel of what I’m questioning, so what has me cringe at the hoots and hollars of praise for a game won?

    Maybe, it’s sad, maybe it sucked, maybe it’s just not something that’s interesting to me. I don’t know but it’s still something that has me wondering if I’m broken.

    I can’t help but laugh at that, near hysterically, I am broken, in a literal health sense; I am.

    The game is won, some apparently lost, though they didn’t play, I question this connection, it’s just a game. Right? And how did someone lose, being on the back patio of a friend, watching a game? It’s rhetorical. I just smile and shake my head.

    This is the surprising factor, where, and what changed in my life, that I’m unmoved and only question how?

    I continue to smoke, listen to the recaps of game plays, retorts to fans of the losing team, the jeering from the winning team fans, and inquiries for more drinks, more smoke, more, and more.

    Maybe this is loneliness; perhaps this is depression, feeling isolated, withdrawn, sad, f***.

    Whoa, okie-dokie, this is something to get a bit more investigative here and peel back at what I’m questioning and why, I guess.

    Finding some resolve for my second pillar is going to take time. Lots…

    Enjoi!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, I do know I have Forget-Me-Naught Pt. 4, it’s being edited and will be
    in the morning as will more art and poetry. Thank you and may the day carry you swiftly and gently.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Four, May 13th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Forgive my losing track for a moment or two. Still very much on Pillar One taking a bow with it, and moving on to Pillar Two; Good personal and intimate relations, such as those of marriage, family, and friendships…has me feeling…well like this. ⬇️

    https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2012/05/03/151928781/the-scream-fetches-highest-price-ever-for-a-work-of-art

    This is a challenge, to say the least; I know so few, and the family I have near are over their heads in things to be done, surely exhausted and likely wanting time to themselves more than together. And of course this is an assumption, but I come with a weight. I’m the house spouse, at least as of late, and having lost the last two due to the MS makes the trials of finding a new and good job that much more difficult. That said, I come with but company, and conversation, a touch of art, some story telling, maybe.

    Here’s the thing, something happened a little over a year ago probably longer actually, that disrupted my comfort, and has in essence created a variation of me that is more than fearful just being outside. And I don’t mean being outside in the backyard with the dogs, I mean being out, I just went to the store on a walk, and the entire time had this nervous anxiety that followed. A pressure and fear that if I saw someone and they wanted to hug, talk, if not my wife, I better just walk away as fast as possible.

    That wasn’t me, I know we are destined to change, and I encourage change, I challenge you to change to be a better person as a matter of fact. Which is why I have this blog. That’s why I’ve been writing. And what I’ve noticed in just the last month addressing health and wellness for the first pillar of Jung’s, there comes a great lamenting in realizing there are so many parts to who we are in ourselves, that when you find these bits and pieces that you’ve destroyed or you’ve let others destroy of you, it changes the variables. And it makes life extremely easy to retreat, become a hermit, and the agoraphobia is more and more enticing than it should be.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning you beautiful souls, good morning and good night. May the day be ever joyous, and may the night carry you swiftly and gently through the night.

    Enjoi !!!

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Three, May 12th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Ever see that episode from Twilight Zone with the coin standing?

    It is a favorite of mine, one that has just the right amount of humor, the right amount of romance and a great ending. The story is of a simple character Mr. Hector B. Poole who happens to flick a quarter in for his daily newspaper. However, at the moment of the quarter landing in the box for pay, it’s found standing. Not budged, unfazed, resolute. Hector thinks nothing of it. He continues on…but finds a miraculous gift that he can hear the thoughts of others.

    It is an enthralling tale of heroism and mettle, one that always happens to bring a smile when I find it on. That said I’ll not share any more in hopes you take to watching it on Paramount+, maybe Tubi, or MeTV a favorite of mine.

    “A Penny for Your Thoughts” – Photo, courtesy of Paramount+, Viacom

    The reason I bring the show and the specific episode is to question.

    One, have you happened to see the episode? Two, any chance you’ve found a moment so similar that it calls for a camera and post, or take notice and share? Three, were you secretly hoping you’d have Hector B. Poole’s curious but momentary gift? What would you have done?

    On a personal account, I’ve been a lucky duck a time or two with a coin, finding it standing so resolute. And gosh I hoped, fingers crossed, eyes squeezed tight with a deep hope to hear the thoughts of others, especially as a young one, the thoughts of being able to know it all seemed nothing but magnificent.

    It happened the other day, the coin standing, out in the shed, why I had a coin in a place there’s no need, I couldn’t tell you, but it happened. And I thought but for a second, ‘I should take a shot of this and share it with someone…’, but I digressed and went about in my present moments continuing on, doing whatever it was, likely petting my scruffy Lobo and Oreo.

    I came with a resentment though, I came with a harrowing insight to what streaming, social media, and the connection to everything was doing. But of course, this stemmed from reading and not having friends. It stemmed from falling into a horror of Ellison’s, Vonnegut’s, Bradbury’s, or Clark’s. And I let it feed my animosity…now that’s been negative in some ways but beneficial in others.

    To be frank, I’m s*** with the computer, pretty crap with insta, but I’m trying to figure s*** out. The thing is I’m also trying to make sure I don’t fall into the groove of having my nose in a screen all the f****** time. I don’t want that. I love reading people’s perspectives, don’t get me wrong, I love reading the psychology of others, I love doing school online, having the grasps and capabilities to find the data and facts to hold what I’m talking about, things I like to figure out, and cherish with a wondrous splendor, especially with film and books.

    And I hope I don’t keep you long, life is too beautiful, life is too precious, going to be present. I’ll see you all tomorrow.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night!!!thank you for your support, for following and I wish you well. To the mothers, Happy Mother’s Day to mothers old and young, new and great, happy mother’s Day, though belated …Happy Mother’s Day!!

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty-Two, May 11th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today I bring poetry, being I’d rather talk this way today as it is, I’m tired, exhausted and just getting to that point where the bubbles are starting to show at the base of the filled pot.

    Islands

    By: M. R. Vega

    The lanes of two, parallel, incessant, a call to demand for stimulation, a quiet silence of being apart.

    I see islands, so close, still distant, islands of you, islands of me, islands of difference, juxtaposed with the background of hurricane season. I see islands.

    The rolling, a thrashing to the waters, take a slice, take to splice, to us, nearing to the echelon, it brings the rungs, to take to level, where we may meet in the middle.

    The islands still I see, far apart, yet still so near. A bridge to carry the thoughts of the heart to one another, if only, it was only, but so, so, so long ago.

    Islands, Islands, beneath that surface, there stands a toppled bridge, see what takes the turbulent whirlpools, contemplate this placid and lacquered finish, let it keep its place, islands, and islands. Take a look.

    Find the bridge, bring the tether, let it hoist above to carry, a heart to the lips of you, bring the island, and pulse this heart, Islands, Islands. 

    I only see Islands…

    Quiet

    By: M. R. Vega

    Edited version to come later on…

    But I would like to give A massive happy mother’s Day! To all that are and will be. Thank you!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night I do apologize for one poem and one home only life calls to too many distractions sometimes in my ADHD is an issue twitch I apologize and appreciate the coming back, so thank you truly thank you.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred and Thirty-One, May 10th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I come today with something short, brief, and encapsulating things figured and the humor or, I guess we can call it irony. But then again there’s context… A nuance to the whole of what I share today. So to start with I was an odd kid, I had friends most definitely, some were decent, some were brief, others ruinous. And oddly the memories are not of friends, the thing I’m going to talk about today it’s not connected to the friends that were my age, which I find odd.

    The thing is though once middle school started I noticed that it was more than easy to talk to an adult, it was easier to convey the perspective and the ideas with those that were not my peers…hahaha, though there were a handful of people the same age that somewhat got it, somewhat understood the humor or direction of what the conversation entailed. But for some odd f****** reason when it came to talking to teachers especially the English ones, talking was effortless.

    It was the start of actually feeling like I was in the skin I belonged in. There was this ability in being able to relate with something outside of me and the understanding of the nuances within storytelling, the riveting displays of character, theme, environment, sociological elements, psychological barriers that created such variables to the telling of each story through growing up, this became more and more exciting.

    Once High school came I was able to find two very inspiring and motivating people. Of course, they were both English instructors. They aired to building up my own collection, curious endeavours, great reads, and unexpected journeys.

    Now here is the thing they both taught, both nearing an identical phrasing and a sentimental variation which was this: Write everyday, no matter what, at least 3,000 words a day.

    It took me a minute, took a couple of years as a matter of fact, but finally I’ve grasped the flow that fits and I manage close to 4,000 words give or take a couple.

    I’m grateful for this teaching, grateful for what it’s brought to me in keeping creative, dreaming, and sharing the ideas that come at a whim. I don’t know what day of the hundred and thirty something that we’re at today, but I’ve made mention of following my dream and doing everything I can to at least maintain a partial grasp if not a good and prevalent grasp to that dream. So I share, and I will continue to write, in hopes that like most people who are here on WordPress we hope that we affect and help at least someone. Even if it’s just one. So to you I thank you.

    Write. Write to the heart’s desire and be you, don’t shy away from who you can be, trust it, don’t squander your soul. It deserves more, give it the time.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the serenity of that voice that comes in on the last track for the playlist shared, I hope you take that with your heart today and I hope that your morning, day, and the night cherishes your heart and your wants.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & Thirty, May 9th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    How is the day? How was your night before?

    I didn’t dig into myself to be honest this week, as a matter of fact, I’ve been doing some decompression techniques, like painting, meditation through music and using Google’s Balance® and trying to stay quiet. I had just figured that instead of leaning into my worries, why not ignore them?

    Which in a sense, it is managing the first pillar but I didn’t take to account that within my postings. Life sometimes distracts, acts as a yielding sign protruding from a most obvious position, and still I drift.

    But like yesterday, I did take accountability to the morose degree afflicted through what and how I’ve been writing. And I think I am going to share this…art, an art project I’m still trying to finish, though, if it wasn’t for my son’s crushing hands with the clay I’d be a tad farther than I am. I hope you enjoy, will be posting to Pops.dreamd4rk on insta as well, and likely going to be starting an ADHD/MS journey with my art there as well as my psychological variables here… we’ll see how it goes.

    Art (in production) – by: M. R. Vega

    Face 1 (poly clay baked, etched)
    Face 2 (poly clay baked, etched)
    More pieces being created with Poly clay
    Organizing structure, added additional clay pieces post bake, arranging, arranging, what’s going to work?
    Up close position of Bose, after pour paint
    Teeth for face 2, painted, zoom in
    Teeth for face 1, painted with pour paint
    Stage 6/7, still in production. (About 8 hours of work all together so far.)
    Hmmm? How much of the pour paint should be seen, how  much of the characters? Decisions, decisions.

    There is still more to come, the idea is to integrate the faces into the canvas enough that it comes off more than the characters are trying to burst through. To which, if we wanna get into art, here’s my thoughts:

    Can you tell, I’m trying to land on my feet?

    I love it, hopefully that’s an obvious aspect. But in honest reflections, I don’t like perfection and care more for something that gives a decent analytical value to the person who is creating it.

    There’s something about nature though, for myself that captivates my heart in that I’ve gained a beneficial perspective to what I want to capture with my art and what I care to contain within, whether it be my eyes, and the memory bank of visuals, but more than, I love with nature the present moment and being with nature for that moment. So I try not to share those moments, I try not to touch nature and/or painting it as I like it how it is, transient, perpetually available for my senses, all six, and this is a connection I try to maintain. So…I share the personal, the isolation of reality for myself, so I’ve taken to detailing my internal struggles and life with that and what I create. I feel it holds a perspective that enriches an understanding to the whole, for the blog, the site, my health and the writer I am.

    An introduction to what inspires:

    A favorite of mine, for reference would be Michael Hussar. I will leave a link to his IG page, I respect his hand and would rather not taint his work with my page, I don’t want to offend. But I do advise to click the link and check out his creations.

    https://www.instagram.com/michael_hussar?igsh=MXAxa2p0NDFybm1xZA==

    I love the flaws within the beauty captivated in each character shared of his, there’s a harrowing detail and viciousness with each and I think it’s wonderful in a descriptive manner. The vile nature of each subject, or at the least, most, captures the darkness of the deepest parts within each human shown. There’s something raw, and very much grasping the degradation of humanity captured that I tend to enjoy. It’s not the misery, it’s not the horror that I enjoy though, it’s the truth to the image.

    This is something I look for most artists that I favor, I like the accountability to making errors, having flaws, and being themselves. To be and show oneself, even when struggling, falling apart, or building back up, I feel creates an ideal person. Be yourself, be true, and share the honest humanity of what we are, if not for any reason but that we’re alive, that we’re here, that we can create.

    Anyhow, I’m more than late and need so many things to be finished by the weekend. Signing out til the ‘marrow.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be bliss, and the night cherished. Thank you for the support and continued reading. See you tomorrow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & Twenty Nine, May 8th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Are you light or are you the darkness?

    It’s a curious question, especially with little or no context clues to be had, this I know. But the question is still here, as well as the conversation if ever there can be one…(**The writer says wanting a response, knowing likely, no)…but do you ever look within? Do you question the moral and ethical value that is brought to each moment? Or is it something that depends on the occasion?

    I ask because I get the questioning, I get the fit throwing, panel pummeling, agony inducing stressors that call to us seeing a need for change, a halt to being what makes us comfortable, or a wanting to rid the adversity that leaves us, you, and all with the debate. Are the choices light or issued more toward a darkness…?

    I’m in my 30s feeling like to I’m nearing my 50s. Begging to be reborn to something new, something refreshed and meaning to make myself what I want, but there comes that initial question I brought. Will it be light or an issuing of darkness.

    The thing is…we each affect the world. As a matter of fact we’re human, and given the homophone of effect and affect, given the circumstances, I feel they pair well with the confusion they bring.

    We’ve seen it, the argument within the rhetoric of the political scene, these but seemingly innocuous words from one source or the other, bring a rain of force, fear, love, anguish, dread, support, balance, affirmations, dedications, salutations of a degree. Take your pick. Take the perspective that suits you well.

    But see what I’m getting at, through the uses of ethos, pathos, and logos, the emotional bantering of the heart and soul of our humanity effect/affect carry hand and hand. We’re too involved for it to not be.

    A lot on my mind, a lot still to do, life, oooh oh oh, life.

    Enjoi!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be a blanket of peace for you and the night cradle you to the dreams of splendor.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM