Dream Dark Stories

Tag: thoughts

  • Day One Hundred & Eighty-Six, July 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I have a question, a sincere one that I’d love feedback for.

    Is one an a**hole for not enjoying the 4th? Just aspects, maybe?

    It’s not that I don’t appreciate the holiday and what it stands for. And it’s not that I don’t respect those that have died for that beautiful resolve that is the freedom that we’ve been given and had been earned. I think what it is now, the world’s changed and the way we respect and we the way we look upon one another is with damning eyes apparently and it hurts my heart. So today I celebrate being with my family, being with the ones I love and the ones I hold dear and true because with them my freedom is available. So that’s where I was and that’s how I am and that’s kind of where I’m standing. I will say we got some kids firework sets and my little guy absolutely loved it kept asking for more and more and luckily, lo and behold, there was a box of fireworks just chilling in the back patio. Ended up getting quite a show and had a wonderful time and that’s something that matters giving that value to my little guy he doesn’t understand what it means for politics and the rest of everything that is the nuance of being human and being you know cognizant with the s*** reality we’ve got going on right now but I wanted to make sure that I could provide as much as glorious a day for him as possible. I think I achieved it.

    (untitled)

    By: M. R. Vega

    Untitled. By: M. R. Vega

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day, may the night, may the world embrace you and boost you to your highest. Thank you for your support and coming back and again.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Eighty-Five, July 3rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today I’m doing a poetry post due to celebrating family and being together tomorrow. I’ve got loads of prep work and wanted to post this before the fourth has encroached on the rest of my joys.

    I hope you are all well and hope the poem is enjoyed.

    Tell Me by: M. R. Vega

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day and wondrous darkness that comes through the nightly winds caress you gently and tuck you in for a splendid dream fueled bliss.

    Stay safe, be kind, and may I see you tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Eighty-Two, June 30th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    The last day of June. Only eighteen days left before Day 200 and I have no idea what to do given it’ll be the 200+ post of the year and a continuous, but tumultuous project.

    200 days of writing, of sharing my thoughts, self, and the perspectives to what’s been set in my path. But I digress, it’s only Sunday night, scratch that, it’s Monday.

    Once again…I’m the last to bed, likely the first to wake, so it goes. So…any ideas?

    Was thinking maybe have a Q&A. Or drop an Art piece a day, or poetry and Art daily til Day 200.

    Any idea? Hmmm. It’s 18 days starting the 1st, haha which is now today, dammit.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support and continued coming again and again. It warms my heart to know we can boost each other to better all of us.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Eighty-One, June 29th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    The house is cool, chilled to a comfortable temperature, leaving those resting reveling in their comfort.

    It is the first day though; a first day of summer heat that hasn’t infected the spoils of our resting hours.

    And for the strangest reason, I had thought my body would have had me rest. Though it didn’t, it wasn’t egregiously assaulting, the body just woke me when I thought it’d lay dormant and still. But like Vesuvius erupting the joints come blistering with pangs and burning, a torrid of thrashing sensations that are invisibly rioting through this flesh. My eyes open, emblazoned, staring at the blank slate above me, and I know I’m the first awake. I can hear their deep slumber, their chortled snores of the quite sort and a shifting of feet underneath the sheets.

    My body screams against the meandering course of the metal frame beneath my stolid body and I creak at the sign of movement like a widowed old house.

    My routine is followed to the gallows that hold my coffee hostage for the moments before I have it jutting into  the large mug awaiting my lips. This dark elixir, my crutch for a fatigue, holds me close to the heart, awaiting a fitting body wrecked and exhausted from living, being. 

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    I thank you for the continued time and again liking my posts and following my discoveries.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Eighty, June 28th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    He’s jealous. That is my son is, I’ve been talking about his brothers as of late, writing letters to both of them and I have the opportunity to see my son share emotions that I have seen very little of. Given his autism and just the personality of who my son is, it’s inspiring to see that so much more is going on inside of him than what others around us think.

    However there is a tinge of guilt, though I am excited for the opportunity to be able to introduce my son to his brothers eventually, as it is it’s just me and my little guy when his mom isn’t here, and I think he’s starting to want some friends.

    As a matter of fact he’s likely bored and wanting friends more than I know, but sadly, him being nonverbal having a loaded discussion about friends and wants isn’t something that comes with him.

    I hate it.

    I don’t think anyone understands what it’s like having a boy who can’t talk but is as adventurous and loving as he is. There are so many queues to pick up on with him, and half the time, it’s not definite. The amount of subjectivity that is left leaves us fretting and unknowing. Trust me, it’s not something I’d wish on a parent but it comes with its special gifts. Like extremely endearing loving moments where he’ll hold a hand, give a big hug or kiss. It’s moments like that, that has me watching him grow daily right next to him. It’s an honor.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    I thank you for the support and they continue coming back in again. Thank you, thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Nine, June 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    Letter, letters, letters.

    As I stated in the previous post I am writing some letters to the boys. I had originally decided that I was going to write three, one for both of them together to be read and then one separately each. Even with forever stamps though, I’m looking at using the three I have left for what I’m writing just in one letter. But at least I have it.

    It’s been too long since the last letter I’ve written but it’s about time that I’m communicating to  the two that will be receiving them shortly.

    Regardless, I’m still nervous, not that I’ll be there when they get the letters, not that I’ll see how their faces change through page after page. Will they be stolid and silent, or will they come with grace and a wanting to meet?

    The questions I should have asked myself years ago and couldn’t see from when I made the decisions that had led me to where I’m at now, it’s surreal at times, just to think of then and now. To think of the infantile young adult that was 19 and stupid to now, nearing 34, wishing and wondering so many things could have been different, but if it was that, I wouldn’t be me, it wouldn’t be this.

    I leave you with a poem of what’s being felt inside, the wrestling of me.

    Untitled

    By: M. R. Vega

    Questions, answers, a child, make it two. They come with hesitations, lamentations, facing an adverse wall of loss and convoluted reprise.

    I come with constraints, a nervous bellowing deeply settled, unsure of the realities I see, unsure of the recoiling unknown, knowing I’d be just as apprehensive to know what’s before me.

    Questions and answers, share a truth, don’t shy from honesty, trust in thyself, what’s the worst that can happen?

    So many years, so many unanswered questions, curiosities of the splendor to the unknown, the unchecked, what will you say? How will you feel?

    There sits pen and paper, before me it rests, my hands shake, the heart quivers to the nervousness of what you two will think. I press on and give you as much as I can muster to give a good take of my tapestry.

    Take the thread, follow my steps to learn from what I’ve become and who I am to be. I come with honesty and guilt, take my apologies as you will. I am here.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support readers and I Love that you come back time and again. May your day come with grace and the night a blissful one. Thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Seven, June 25th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Wouldn’t it be such a cruel joke to find the hi-ho was more a reference to snow white and that song, you know the one. What if Vonnegut had nothing to do with it and the motivations that have me running to WP every morning and night was a Disney bit?

    Wouldn’t it be so disappointing?

    Damn straight, that’d be outright nonsense. Like mustard for a clock.

    Hee, hee, hee!!!

    Get it?

    Oh writing, the connections and concoctions that are allowed and can be such an effortless whim of pleasuring freedom.

    Mind you, it’s Vonnegut, it’s always Vonnegut. Bradbury and Vonnegut actually. Those two were not just pivotal and fundamental aspects to my growing. They were the friends and brothers, uncles and fathers I had dreamed to have and they were a book away. I gobbled up their words like a magical juggernaut looking for their wisdom, their fruit of what they saw, what they feared, and I took to it, embraced it and let it help me find everything after them. So if ever you read my words, know it’s to honor not only myself, and the steps toward a better tomorrow, but to the two writers that instilled a call to share and let it out. Hear me, take my heart and the mind that is shared here and know I mean well, I mean it sincerely and I’m not going anywhere but up.

    Next goal after I finish my first short story collection in December, I think I’m aiming for being Colorado’s Laureate. At least that’s a hope I have and a dream that I feel if I drive right I can achieve it.

    We’ll see. I just need to write more, share more and get it to as any as possible to share.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be bliss, the night be gentle and pleasure wrapped with a bow.

    Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Six, June 24th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    So I finally finished some pieces, here’s one of them. The the piece under the side that extends out and connects to the water within that area it was I don’t know just splotchy and lacking really any movement and I didn’t like that so I wanted to add some movement I just I forgot the colors so it definitely is off a little bit but I’m kind of at a point where Art is Art is Art is Art so that’s, that’s where I’m standing.

    A Fawning Moon by: M. R. Vega

    And hey check this out another one because I just want to finish some things and I’m realizing that I have a lot of pieces that really aren’t finished. So, here’s another one.

    La Llorona in the Red Forest by: M. R. Vega, watercolor on canvas, 30 x 40

    And now honestly I’m tired I’m dizzy and hey I’m almost caught up.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support for the coming back and again to say hello and share a like or two.

    May your day be bliss and the night graciously pleasing. Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Five, June 23rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    So who is down for complacency?

    Any takers?

    No?

    I find it weird, a considerately odd diction to what a relationship becomes or at least can become.

    It has me scratch at the scalp with a shrug and silence due to not wanting a complacency in life. I want growth and a manifestation of what can be the best of me and the best of you. Why not, what’s to be lost if we were to take the time? I think that’s why life has me shrugging at complacent remarks and an incessant diction of monotonous rebuking to making a change. Why? What’s the fight against for? Is it becoming something different, or not wanting to make a change? These are my questions, this is the pedestal I stand on because I feel that the questions hold the answer to what life is and the reason we make choices and regard our id, a self manifestation of an ego that’s soul just wants attention.

    Relationships and complacency, is it a choice? Or is it apathy? Are they the same? But, if they are, how can you have apathy if there lies control and if the control is a form of flattery, is it control? Or is the whole of complacency a matter of trying to differentiate between frustrations and wants, and deciding what matters more? Is complacency a plane of existence where it’s a wrestling of choice and decisions to those choices?

    These are the questions that leave me looking at the walls during the night. Life brings questions let’s find the answers together.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you friends for the support, thank you for being you and being amazing. Thank you. May the night be peaceful and bliss come to borrow for you and yours.

    Til Tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Four, June 22nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today is finally the family Vega reunion I am more than pumped. It is 6:30 in the morning I am outside doing my little thing which is My prerogative and something I enjoy.

    After I’m done with that I’m going to run over to the kitchen I’m going to get some goodies going, primarily green chili, and Mexican rice. Personally to Staples of not only my household but my life and yeah I am excited.

    The cooking went great, I would share the recipes and images but this isn’t a cooking show and I only would if people actually feel like commenting and giving criticisms cuz how can you become better if you’re not told hey this is where your f****** up. You know what I mean but hey if you guys want a recipe for green chile, I’ll gladly make a new post sharing both recipes for rice and chili and hell anything else if you guys really want but again dream dark stories is not a recipe site it was going to be but it’s not.

    The foods
    My Lita
    Burger Bar
    The Elders
    Uncle Bill and Baby Yomni
    Yomni (who in moments will have a fire  roasting at 900°f+)
    John Walker, my son, wife, and self.

    What’s really cool, John Walker was the main person who took photos, and though he is associated with the family due to dating one of my cousins, most of the rest just enjoyed being present. I don’t know for you if that means something, but to me there is something so profound about the family completely forgetting to take photos because we just wanted to be there for what it was.

    But luckily my green chili was a massive favorite of the family. And I took the pot clean and empty I know accord of my own.

    My family  slathered their burgers and everything else with the chili which was the highest of respects I could be honored with by my family.

    What was really fun was the three exclusive pinatas that we had for the family two of which were for the children one of which was an adult pinata. And to see what was in the adult pinata, you’d have to be there, however it was epically thrilling to see more adults run to the adult pinata than children ran to the others.

    I truly had a splendid time, and though it doesn’t look big there were a surprising amount of people there that was earlier on before everybody got the food there and the food was all cooked up, regardless we all had a wonderful time and we close out the weekend with that is truly loving being a Vega.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    May your night be wondrous, May the morning coming be gracious and pleasant. I thank you very much for coming once again to favor my posts and I appreciate it, I appreciate it more than you know and truly love the support shown.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Three, June 21st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    The more I write the easier it comes, the quicker the collection of everything in my mind is able to go to the floor and be swept up in an ordered manner. The thing is…it’s it just more and more practice that took nearly half a year.

    But what wait, it’s not that simple is it’s im over here forgetting day after day still behind even if it’s a day, I’m still behind.

    But the writing is still easier .. jesus I just want to write pt. 3 finally, finally out of my little hole and needing to get back into the gold of my art and craft.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day before you be blissful, and may that night that gently caresses you and brain dream effortlessly.

    I truly thank you for your support and continued coming back in again, Thank You.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-One, June 19th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    The three F’s, ever heard of ’em?

    So, right quick. The thing is, I read a peculiar article on Newsweek earlier today that had me scratch at my noggin, tilting my head, looking to the sky. A guy riding on a train was overhearing a pep talk of kids back and forth about a crush.

    The kids, one worried about that crush the other hoppingnon the support bus put it simply, though this is not verbatim but it’s along the line of ‘if you don’t know em, f*** it.’

    Apparently this helped with an ideo about self-consciousness and worrying about what other people think. And apparently this kids very simple remark enlightened the gent’ in a profound way. Which really, truly had me curiously questioning the age of the guy listening to what was likely teens who were talking like this.

    Growing up I was taught of the 3F’s. And it was put this way:

    • 1: if they don’t feed you
    • 2: if they don’t finance you
    • 3: if they don’t f*** you

    Then it really doesn’t f****** matter and what they think, what they are trying to push on you, and what they are trying to have you think doesn’t matter. Because in all actuality if they are not involved and invested in you and yours, why the fuck should it? Really really ask yourself does it matter?

    Right? I guess depending on perceptions it’d be seen as a more nihilistic take on living. But, what if we curtail from the heartless apathy and pivot, more to being in a conscientious addition to the not giving a f*** about others that aren’t immediately, directly associated with you?

    These are my thoughts and never am I here to offend or push my thoughts or force my thinking. Just sharing to share because well, I like to. 🤗

    Newsweek reference: https://www.newsweek.com/man-overhears-advice-kid-wisdom-train-1914947

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be blissful, and the night graceful. Thank you for your support and repeated coming back.

    Like and share.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy, June 18th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Poetry Day

    Dying

    By: M. R. Vega

    A scratch at my neck, a headache at the spine, start from the top try not to rewind.

    Set to a tempo of four to six to two to eight, and take, take the gentle remedy for my migraine hurricane.

    A scratch at my heart, a tickle in my lungs, take me to your middle, take my soul to rest.

    Letting my soul take a beating, letting my heart take a lashing, a scratch at my head and my lungs, biting searing of iron on my tongue.

    A scratch at my neck a headache at the spine, stop from the start and try not to rewind.

    Spin for five, go back three spaced, taking a sidestep to the past, always seemed easier, when coming back to now, but it kills, kills, the heart stuck so far, far away.

    A tickle to the mind, a pang at my lungs, a pierce at my heart, press play and let’s take it day by day, let the migraine take the say, take the pain, let’s hit play and go away, away, away.

    Confusion

    By: M. R. Vega

    Having a gift, after their offers to those of others. A seller you’d need to be, looking still, looking to read the outcome of this case.

    A simplistic location for change that they, there to inform the case, to pound, to hound, be high, be-kind get in, in the very king pass, peace for the past, call me one, hello phrase back, repeat to myself no repeat, no reset.

    A tickle bracing to the hazing of constraints, lessening of grasps, take heed and a glance. We call to the murder, a crow caws for shelter and the hunger grows, grows to the murdering foes fluttering above caw, caw, caw, a-ha-ha-ha.

    We huddle, we befuddle, we tremble, and we shudder to think that there’s nothing more than this to be for those of a murder fluttering above, caw, caw, caw, a-ha-ha-ha.

    We stumble and run to mutter the phrasing that puts it all to slumber, we grasp and caress the daylight weather if only for a glimmer to be tomorrow, toward something apart from me and you so that we can find the thunder that rumbles within. Between, together. Between, together, for the murder, for the a-ha-ha-ha, between, together.

    So, as of late, what I’ve been doing is I will put the mic in front of me. I will either listen to music or I won’t, and I just talk to the mic,maybe I’ll scream at it, whisper to it, but I just go on and then I edit and sometimes it becomes poetry, sometimes it becomes something else, sometimes it becomes something that will never meet the light of day. So welcome to my mind.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you for coming time and again and supporting my blog. It means the world to me, thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Nine, June 17th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    So…I keep losing weight and I’m noticing I’m getting weaker.

    To add to that, one of the reasons I’m off with my daily posts is the second infusion happened, but I feel that losing almost 30 lbs within a month and not trying to is maybe something that is needing attention…I don’t know. And I’m wishing I did but to that, I’m not going to panic until I have to, I’ll just enjoy being able to put on any jeans I have. 😁

    One of the great things about the five pillars is a building of resilience through finding oneself, however, if one takes the time to go through figuring out what means the most to you in figuring out those pillars. One through five, thoroughly, you’ll find an aspect of yourself awake. That something that laid dormant for so long and now it starts to stir. Silently at first, it stirs until your bones rattle within and the heart beating in the cage of its home sounds like castanets.

    It takes time. All of it takes time, and it takes patience, and a fundamental wanting to become the best of yourself, ourselves, that we can become.

    Give your health the time of day, give your heart the day of time with those you love, find the art in life that stills you, be cognizant of yourself and emotion and how you carry it through the days, everyday, because it may just be your last.

    To which, keep in mind ‘Memento mori‘ or ‘Remember that you must die’. It is an inevitable constant that none of us can defeat, and I’d like to carry my brightest day each day I live.

    It’s staying in line with being something better than what I was yesterday that has me going forward each day til there is nothing left to do.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support and coming back time and again.

    DirtySciFiBuddha, Anthony Robert, A, Ahzio, R. Thomas, tothebrotherswelost, Fox Reviews Rock, santable, LiteralCate, thank you, and to all I had missed or forgot to mention. Thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Eight, June 16th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’m taking stock.

    Counting achievements, longevity, stamina, outcomes, and hopes for my tomorrows.

    I say this because it’s what I’m doing now. It’s an everyday situation that calls for being cognizant and accountable for myself.

    If ever there’s a message I bring today, tomorrow, or ever, it’s ‘Keep Going‘. And I know, it takes a lot to make this like I’m on a soapbox for all to listen. But truly just keep going forward and no matter what try not to regret to something comfortable and complacent from before. Push yourself through the adversities faced now and in the future.

    Remember sometimes you’ll slip though, I’m currently grappling for myself trying to get my footing, it happens. It’s life, it is not always perfect. So we persevere and push on. Push on.

    I have stories galore and for reasons unfounded, they’re sealed and getting them out has been harder than I had thought. I’m just needing to gain a self instilled motivation for going toward and I guess that’s why I’m here today not just to tell you to keep going forward but to remind myself as well.

    It’s trying to catch up that has its hitches, finding a momentum that you stifled, and to resurrect it again, takes more energy than I’ve got.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you lovely supporters and readers, til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Seven, June 15th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Jesus, trying to catch up, it’s like aiming on catching salmon with my teeth. I’ll get it, I’m just needing to adjust, what with the new meds, once I’ve got it figured all should be set and just.

    But. And it’s a small but, but there’s something to that medication comment above. It’s not that it isn’t working, it’s not that I’m not noticing positive symptoms, it’s that when I have a moment…I retreat into the deep recesses of my mind, I don’t move. I go further and deeper into that area that I find myself nearly stuck.

    Whether this will continue is yet to be seen but I’m writing a bit more again and I’d take that as a good note.

    How about you? Do you see things as good when they’re good or does it need to be perfect? Or good enough?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, and coming back again.

    Been off and sick somewhat…til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Five, June 13th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Sh**! I really lost my grip to the days missed and how many I’ve lost track of. I’m still behind by three, I have bits for each day, but not enough, leaving me scrambling like moths to the light.

    ENJOI!!!
    My Son Z and I

    Say hello to Zaius, he’s my inspiration as well as my disruptor to a lot that I work on…but I can’t blame the boy, he’s with just his dad, mom, and puppers. So I work with it, and as of late am finding that I can have him help me with art like this:

    He chose each color and placement on this. All that was there was two dots a meek nose and some lines for a mouth and eyebrows.

    Personally, I favor this one, as it’s something we created together, and we’re trying now to incorporate our morning start to making something new each week, eventually, I hope each day. I figured something to be said with a child who has autism and dad with MS. 🤔. Sounds like a sit-com.

    Maybe I can entice a wanting to make a new painting for tomorrow’s post. Fingers crossed.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night, til tomorrow my friends and supporters, have a  superperfundo eve of your day.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty Four, June 12th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    How are you? I genuinely mean this question. How is your life going? Can you look at it outside of oneself?

    Personally, I have a hard time doing that, but I’ve gotten a bit better at it.

    I’ll say this; I’m grateful. I have so much and need so little and most of “my dream” is being lived, if not lived through.

    I think though and ponder as to what’s the hold up? Where’s my voice in the last few days, the last week, I guess, where the f*** did I go?

    ENJOI!!!

    What I’m discovering is that it’s okay to get lost at times as long as you find your way back. This, of course, doesn’t ask for a show of machiavellianism, we’re not looking for a vindictive losing of ourselves that destroys, just true losing one’s footing. Like a slip that ends in the waters.

    Credit: Jon Kabat-Xinn

    Like Jon Kabat-Zinn says in Master class, just come back, it’s okay to lose focus, it happens, it’s natural, and it’s in us to hold to that tether of self and our goals to come back too.

    Side Note: look below for a good deal.

    Right now they’re having a sale $10 per month. https://www.masterclass.com/promotion

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning everyone. Good morning and good night to you all, and I thank you for being here, visit g for a moment, and I hope you well. May your day be graceful, joyous, and a healing one.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Three, June 11th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Some changes have happened in the last week that have done an admirable job of disrupting my flow of work and focus.

    Want to know what it is?

    It’s my son.

    Though I’ve been on my Carl Jung kick as of late, I’ve drifted far from it.

    Thing is, I’m invested here, mind you, here at home doing what I can to be there for my son and more each day I’m seeing that he’s more isolated and lonely than anyone.

    I’m with him every day and happened to be so clearly selfish of my own issues that I’d missed that my son, the nonverbal child, had no friend. He didn’t have a little someone to share secrets and whispers angry nothing’s about parents and rules. He just his mom and dad.

    His talker (AAC device) knows me as dad-friend. So I’m trying to fit that need for him. This last week has been his first summer break week and he’s absorbed the hours of my waking time like a sponge born from the sands.

    Yes, there are moments where I clench, where I roll my eyes, where I sigh with silent lamentations. Even now while I’m trying to write and he presses his sweaty forehead into my face, and pushes his stinky self against because he wants that time and he wants the attention on him.

    It’s worth every minute to be with him, and I’m finding that I just need to work with it and roll with the punches when it comes. The thing is ever since being a kid I wanted to be a dad. And I f***** up in the past, and there are two boys that I still don’t know, so the fact that there is a beautiful wonderful kid right here, and I have the opportunity, I’m going to take it.

    Mind you I do make sure those boys are taken care of, as a matter of fact it’s more my wife that does than I do, especially now that I don’t have a job. Bless her heart.

    Regardless of all of it, I do apologize and we’ll make sure to get back up to date and the next couple days and we’ll get back on the subject of Carl Jung and the Five Pillars and focusing on each with a little bit more relevant detail.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be blissful, may the night be graced with a glimmering hope for brightness tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty, June 8th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    ENJOI!!!

    Recent Art

    A Face by: Zaius V. & M. R. Vega, Acrylic paint pens.

    Art, it’s my outlet, especially as of late, there’s something that I can say outside of myself and the words I’ve collected within that convey something deeper, in a surrealistic manner. Take for example the image above; it’s a collab piece done by my son and I.

    I had already doodled a lame face on a solo canvas, leaving it in a corner collecting dustz. Well, apparently he found it, Z ended up bringing the canvas to me with a grin and a gentle pat at his chest. (It’s ‘please’ in ASL). I ended up giving him some options, he’d been familiar with the paint pens and likes the shaking that’s called for when using these types of pens.

    He chose the color and location on the canvas and voila.

    Rorschach by: M. R. Vega (in production…what do you see?)

    This originally was intended to be a new face that I was working on; apparently this was not what my subconscious wanted to do. one of my favorite parts to do with my painting is the waiting game…it’s something that I wish I learned to use with more in my life, but either way it’s a technique I’ve come to truly love when I’m making a new piece. I call it Patience. I know what a revelation, right?

    And maybe I’m not the only person who does this but it is something that I’ve truly come to use as an advantage for myself. So, I will tend to use three colors, regardless of what area on the scale, and stay with three for a while. But that’s not all, I will do a dollop or a poor, I’ll start the beginning of a face, or something small innocuous, like a dimple, wrinkles, teeth. I walk away, and I’ll walk away and stay away for days working on other things of life, writing, stories, more paintings, and school. But then I come back. And what happens is the initial idea has been squashed, squandered and obliterated. I then start out from that base foundation that I originally painted and stem from that as been fortuitous. And I’m hoping that eventually it will be seen by others.

    There Will Come Soft Rains… By: M. R. Vega (in production)

    Side story: I’m a massive fan of Ray Bradbury and his short stories. One that has always stuck with me, among too many to count. Anyhow, it’s a favorite, and it’s being paired with a tulip collection I’ve been working on since I married.

    Life by: M. R. Vega (acrylic pour, liquid poly clay, mica)

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day to come be better than yesterday, graceful and blissful.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Eight, June 6th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    …

    …

    …

    That’s how the last few days have felt…that forever perpetual ellipsis, trying to find a footing through a roaring flood.

    …

    Medication.

    I take to music, to the lyrical op-eds of the heart, or the sanguine lamentations of the chello, a roaring, belting ring from the tongues of decadence that envelop my heart through my ears.

    Life and finding a balance…it’s not something that comes with an outline…a spreadsheet of sorts…nope. Nada. It’s not there, the map of finding fulfillment. For some, it’s going to work, sleeping, eating, shitting, and a little fuck. This brings a coaxing completion for some while others are left clawing at the walls feigning for reason and belonging to something apart from themselves. Which are you?

    I keep talking about Carl Jung’s Five Pillars, figuring the five for me, What is happiness to me? And what is it I want in my life? I think of Aesop Rock’s No Regrets, and smile at this.

    I’ve not been a great person, I’ve done wrong, I’ve regretted actions I’ve made. Luckily, I’ve had the opportunity to change and understand, while also learning who I am and what this life means to me. I take immense pride in who I am today, what I’ve become and the ground I’ve made. Though I know it takes a lifetime to meet the goals I’ve set for myself…I carry on to the next day. A Memento Mori mantra comes to mind and I take to the next day, the next day, the next day…as long as I can make sure the steps made tomorrow were better than that of today’s, that’s a life well lived, yeah?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I thank you supporters, I thank you for the following and the repeated checking in…til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Seven, June 5th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today we’re headed On to Carl Jung’s Fifth Pillar. . .

    A Philosophical Or Religious Outlook

    This, I feel is a sensitive sort of conversation, like showing my nethers on camera. But, if it’s something believed, then wear it with pride, right?

    It’s a deistic perspective I carry when thinking of the whole, you, the phone you’re likely holding, myself, those all around us, my puppies, my boy, the birds flocking to the dog food.

    I grew up in a Christian household and was a happy, docile kid who loved his Bible. And there are certain aspects of the faith I grew up with that still resonates, still stands as a testament to being a decent person. But I also grasped some aspects to the two-faced way ideology that brought forgiveness to a circumstance depending on that of the person. I still question that today.

    It’s all connected.

    So, growing up, there was this idea that if I am to ask for forgiveness to that of God, then I am forgiven. Bingo, bango. Simple, that’s beautiful and I get it for the reason of faith and recovery. But, I then started seeing people’s state that ‘God gave me this’, ‘God did this’, ‘God made this happen for me’, or ‘Satan created these problems’, ‘satan’, ‘evil’, ‘destroyed my family and me‘. And growing up it really started getting old.

    I didn’t understand where the lack of accountability was coming from. So I removed myself from that type of thinking and that denomination. And I started journeying through philosophies and spiritual ideas and faith and other religions and I realized, stop.

    It’s easier than that.

    Life is beauty, love is life, to live is to love the ability to feel, to sense the emotions that flow through us and bring the ability to enjoy, to envelop what is in front of us, breathing, pulsing, life to live, to be. There’s a massive beauty in what being alive is to me, and the light that our sun cascades over again and again to bring a new day is more than worthy of notice. I love that life is so effortless, and yet so daunting with the call to being human. 

    There’s a massive beauty in what being alive is to me, and the light that our sun cascades over again and again to bring a new day is more than worthy of notice. I love that life is so effortless, and yet so daunting with the call to being human. 

    The biggest thing is for a call to being responsible and accountable. Whether it’s being a father or just the way I was raised, I feel it’s right. And though the argument to ‘rights and wrongs’ can stack against some fierce mountains, I stand by what I’m stating. Being decent is not a difficult task and being good is a choice that I take to my daily goal and each step I make with intention.

    I pray to Light. To love, to beauty, and the splendor that is being graced with having the ability to feel, see, smell, hear, and taste. It’s Light.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, the following, and I hope your day is brighter than that of yesterday.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Six, June 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’ve been a tad fixated on Carl Jung’s idea of Happiness and how having a decent grasp on the five pillars aid in finding happiness at a whim and with less than a glance. This is where I find myself so far. Mind you this is after about a bout of four weeks and many self introspections still to go.

    Pillar One: Good Physical and Mental health.

    On a personal level and standard, I think I’m doing okay on this pillar. I maintain my hydration. I work out little and walk often, I hope that’s enough when it comes to making sure I’m taking care of my health, and luckily to itI have a decent relationship with my doctors, and an okay bearing on my disease. I cook most of our meals, and try to limit my red meats. But that’s not to say when we get fast food I don’t completely lose my inhibitions, devouring what’s on my plate like a ravenous neanderthal, masticating away my humanity while I gulp greased meats and taters. I can’t help but giggle at the image. Eyes nearly bulging from my face, wide, and glistening, food being shoveled into my maw like a cartooned jackass. Heehaw. Hahahahaha

    Whoa now. Sorry. Food, love to hate it and eat to love it. 🥴🤗🥴

    Pillar Two: Good Personal And Intimate Relationships

    This one is a queer objective as the friend I have takes me away from my wife and she tends to feel distanced from me when I take the time to invest in my relationships outside of my home. Bringing an understanding to doing what I can, dealing with this with a tentative step, slowly.

    Pillar Three: The Faculty For Perceiving Beauty In Art And Nature

    This doesn’t mean make art. It doesn’t mean ‘go and buy it’. It means taking the time to invest in being present and cognizant to the whole of life with being able to perceive outside of oneself. It means to being able in perceiving away from the ego to find the joyous beauty to the contrasts that make life whole and something more than us, this is the objective. 

    And I hope and feel that I have a good balance of this in understanding and learning from it.

    Pillar Four: Reasonable Standards Of Living And Satisfactory Work

    For this…I stand scratching at my scalp…I have the things that I enjoy, I have the means to create what is wanted and the assets available to use if wanted.

    I have a roof over my head, bed(cot) to sleep on, and a to family that I tend to daily if not hourly, likely more.

    I work for myself. And that’s outside of what I do on a daily. The thing is my daily, is my job and is my life, which is taking care of my son, the nonverbal child who has autism and his momma. The thing I’ve come to find is that he’s growing, he’s getting bigger, curious, and to my dismay, lonely. On his Talker I’m known as Dad/Friend.

    I gladly wear that crown of Dad/Friend for my son if it helps him find himself and the things he likes. Teasing his dad/friend is a big one for him lately.

    It brings a significant satisfaction daily and knowing I get to be there as a pillar for him and her is a crowning achievement in my eyes.

    Pillar Five: Philosophical Or Religious Outlook

    Now…now this calls for a pause.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the joys of the day and Bliss of the night be graceful and forever peaceful.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM