The snow it’s here, it’s been here and the volume, though rapidly melting and sliding away has been enough of a hindering factor for us today that we are all sitting on the couch, enjoying the Friday, enjoying each other’s company and the repetitive Little Einsteins warped video on YouTube that our son plays in repetitive monotony. Inches after inches of snow that the town doesn’t hang into to for long, yesterday it was eager to melt, today just the same. Puddles become ponds become lakes become oceans all in one yard.
The Farmer’s Almanac states these few days of snow dumping of upsetting sloshiness to share may be the last for our southern CO location and I’m more than eager to revel in the warmth that’s on the horizon.
With that I will be dropping a short story this weekend by title of “The Student and a Question”…turns out I happened to get stuck in the classroom of the story and wasn’t sure how to have Mrs. Nogare react when she sees it.
Hope all is well.
Here everything’s wet, I hate it, everything’s wet, and apparently somebody just slammed into a transformer in the middle of the night and I’m signing out. I’m tired.
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night May your readers have a beautiful and gentle day.
March 14th, essentially what was deemed a mostly egregious type of storm that coated most of Colorado, left Pueblo free of cancellations and closures. Even the night before my wife anxiously refreshing her phone hour after hour with the assumption that school would be canceled today. This didn’t happen, I woke up at 4:00am to use the restroom, looked outside and could hear the pattering of rain falling from up above, took to looking at the streetlights and road but saw nothing but flowing water in the gutters. Not a blip of snow not a bloop of slush, nothing of the frozen sort.
Hour and a half later I am rushing myself up with the knowledge that school had not been canceled, needing to make my wife lunch, get my kiddo ready and pack his lunch, it was a messy start to the morning. Minutes later after the bags are packed, the lunches made, hair brushed and makeup applied the snow came with a vengeance of missed moments of a moist saturation and it dumped like falls in heaps of snow from the heavens, weighing down the lines, the trees, and it wouldn’t let up till long into the afternoon. Then came the usual job search, collection of listings for chores of my own for the day.
List of Chores:
Then came the usual job search, collection of listing for chores of my own for the day.
Dogs and food, little play time in the snow
Breakfast and 30 min, coffee/breather
Organizing laundry
Washing laundry
Folding laundry
School planning for next course
Read chapter of Holly by: Stephen King
Music and art project
Little guy care and tending.
Dog time again.
Dishes
Reorganize office…maybe…
That last one didn’t happen, I wanted to take to the office really really get everything organized but it’s a little guy does a really good job of making sure you know he does not want you to do anything but what he’s wanting at the moment, and in denying you ask for the opportune time of possible outbursts, though they may come with laughter, they sometimes come with violence and it’s not intentional, more just my little guy is frustrated and due to the being nonverbal, he has a very difficult time conveying that he’s mad and why he’s mad. It’s explaining the why that I think makes it easier for him to get irritated.
The weather happened to be a great cause of irritation for him, especially with being told that he gave me not go outside because it’s too wet, he decided that that’s stupid and asked repeatedly and very kindly to go outside so of course we went outside.
C’est la vie
Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and goodnight, may your day be bright and night be gentle.
Nosce Te Ipsum
Note: had this scheduled but it didn’t publish, so sorry for the late post reader.
The storm is coming, the alerts and incessant warnings for a monumentous blizzard of the last decade are apparently developing as I write, later tonight, the snow will be more promising, as of now it’s gray outside and cold, but the warmth is still lingering. It’s enough that I go out often throughout the day either wearing a shirt with a loose zip up hoodie, but usually just a T-shirt and jeans and no complaints. Not yet that is as of 3:00 p.m. 4:00 p.m. give or take.
As of now it is midnight 34 and it is raining profusely, there is a bit of a chill however, My worry is that both my wife and son will not be having a snow day likely the last snow day of the school year for the year 2023/2024.
It is rumored that around 4:00 there will be snow and it’ll be heavy and very wet and very dangerous. But this is pablo, this is the snow hole of Colorado where snow may make it regardless though if it does it’s not going to stay but a day maybe two unless the shade has anything to do with it and then it’s a different story but usually areas where no one is and it ends up going missed and completely avoided.
My wife and I both assume that D60 would be canceling today, obviously that’s not the case. I should be laying down but I am more than wired because I thought we’d be staying up and watching movies all night.
C’est la vie.
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you readers. I do wish you have a wonderful night or day and I hope you cherish it.
To everyone that has taken the time to read anything that I post, I do have intentions of dropping a short story that I’m excited for, I have been editing a little bit more than I usually do on these kind of opportunities I take when I write. A lot of time I have it as a s***** rough draft that way, later down the road something pops up it will very much show the edits intended and this one will definitely make it to my anthology that I have planned for the end of the year.
But on another note since it’s Tuesday I figured we’ll do a quote. Wednesday I’ll do poetry and I’m hoping to get some art up by tomorrow afternoon, we’ll see. I’ve been lazy and dealing with some other circumstances as recently posted so… Yeah we’ll see. *sigh*
Quote
“Life is never incomplete if it is an honorable one. At whatever point you leave life, if you leave it in the right way, it is whole.“
-Seneca
I hope my life can eventually be deemed honorable. After getting diagnosed years back I became ambivalent to what it meant, what life is and how the steps were to be made for life?
I think it very much starts with deciding and seeing positivity in life. Yes, there’s going to be negativity, yes things are not always going to go the way we want to it to. In the words of The Rolling Stones “You Can’t always get What You want”.
No life will not just flow the way we want, there will be adverse reactions, we will be faced with the myriad of adversities that come with living. And with it comes a question every day that we, ourselves, have to ask. ‘What is my purpose, why am I here and where am I going?’ and on top of that you have that question of are you going to decide to be positive today, or are you going to decide to be negative and see everything as an object against specifically and only you?
Don’t forget though, there are going to be bad days, they’re going to be days that regardless of how much you may want to be positive, there may be some unknown cause or reason that has you hanging on to the opposition, hanging on to the things that drive you wild, holding on to the things that irritate you too much that you can’t just enjoy being. And then, I have to ask though if that is the case, is it worth the energy for you?
These are daily thoughts for me, not just daily thoughts, but balancing stones that I use through my day or weeks, months, f***, hours sometimes that are used anyway to help keep me focused and I hope through using these questions, the philosophy, and the idea to maintain a positive outlook with a conscientious behavior or behaviors we can make life better. Maybe it’s wanting to change and learn, to be better, is what is honorable, it’s what deems the whole to being.
Playlist #0.2
C’est la vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight readers.
Today is Monday and for the life of me it doesn’t feel like Monday. Woke up with a list of plants, misses ended up staying home and us having to take her over the doctor make sure things are okay. I do hope things are okay, there’s a dizziness though with what she’s doing with that I wish I could snap my fingers and just help rectify.
Segway sorry, but about Mondays and about how you today started even now while writing this it doesn’t and hasn’t felt like a Monday. And Mondays are my least favorite of days in the week, I’m pretty sure all of us tend to hate Mondays too just because we all know we got to get back to the grind. Sadly there is no grind for me except for you know my typical house duties and parent duties.
I’m tired. Not tired in the sense I didn’t get enough sleep, or I have too much to do, nah it’s an MS thing. And I’m trying to be a good husband to the Mrs and not bring any issues I’m dealing with to the table. I feel that the focus needs to be turned to her make sure all is well and that she is taken care of.
However one thing I can’t help, and this is true, sugars and heavy saturated foods like Taco Bell with, try a Baja blast, knocks me the f*** out. And when I say knock out I mean put me in a stupor and just poor fatigue all over my entirety. Depending on the choices of diet in a day especially if I’m not thinking wisely about what’s in the drink, if the sugar is at a volume that my body’s not going to appreciate, my body’s going to put me in the f*** to sleep immediately.
So from start to end of day I began with thinking that I’d be getting both wife and child ready for work and school, so then making some calls to counselor, doctor, and lawyer, well also tithing up house cleaning kitchen sweeping and putting all of the items in the closet organizer that I should have done over the finishing of it last week however I stupidly thought I was to make it and leave it as is so the misses can put it how she wanted it.
Luck to that thinking brought my son shoving his giant foot into the bottom panels that were immediately obliterated by his weight, side note they are thin canvas pieces that if not ripped hold well.
I was in the case we were with the doctor for a chunk of time I have been making sure my wife is good, we did order some barbecue which overall was pretty good. However have ever bought a piece of chicken that you could swear is synthetic, or I don’t know made out of some other type of carbon item that isn’t meat? That was in this meal there was brisket, pulled pork, chicken, three meat choices, some sides, voila. And somehow this barbecue place manages to make chicken come off as fake.
Even the missus and I talked about it and how it was expected that it would be a a piece of chicken like breasts or maybe a fat thigh, grilled, char marks on it and and sizzling. This was more like a Tyson piece of chicken that you buy when in a rush and when no intention of good flavor is in plan.
Anyhow, overall the day was okay, I’m hoping Tuesday, tomorrow, that I’ll be able to not only converse with the doctor, not only converse with lawyers, but at least get things flowing in a direction where I know I’m not grinding my face against the pavement.
I stated in previous posts I am aiming on being as good of a person as I can be, as decent of a person and as kind of a man for my son and my wife on a daily and everyday forward. Sometimes, things are misunderstood, things are misrepresented, things are overwhelmingly thought otherwise.
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night my readers.
I don’t know if my friend John or my cousin Laura who essentially is his wife now, if either of them read anything that I post on here. It’s not that I want him to it’s not that I don’t want him to it’s more or less I don’t want him to think that I’m taking him for granted taking advantage of him or using him.
I don’t know why but over the weekend him and I met we talked for a little bit honestly it was rather brief. I say that but of course his daughter was heading down from springs and was going to be hanging out and having a nice little kind of weekend time with John and the family. But for some reason shortly after I got back home I started to feel guilty. And I don’t know why. The thing is what I was initially hired for when I first met John was to communicate figure out what he was wanting with the Memoirs and start helping kind of curate his design. The biggest thing I’ve tried to do since meeting John is one maintaining a voice for creating something that wasn’t there, and an editing to how he is to convey what he wants to share.
At times we converse like friends, other times we converse like work partners, but for some reason doing this, doing the poetry, telling the stories that I’m also trying to produce here, there is a tiny tinge of guilt.
I do not know why that is, and the last few days I search within the reasons I carry guilt, decisions I have made that result in guilt, and take to scratching my head. Is it a concept we’ve let religion somewhat force to our beings?
The gentleman and I are gentle with our words and when communicating over the memoirs and life we tend to enjoy one another and the conversations. So why the guilt? I cherish him, the respect he shows, the talks we have and I hope to still have with him encourage a wanting to strive for my own niche.
Again I don’t know, I’d love to have an answer for the guilt that still follows, maybe I’ll get my thumb on it and pull it from myself eventually, or maybe a Shakabuku to the mind will be all that’s needed.
Shakabuku: Def. – a swift and hefty kick to the head that alters one’s reality forever.
Maybe we all need that time and again to help reassure our aim, help rectify our beings and the model we call us.
With what has been talked about recently here in focus and aim, I do hope to bring a balance to knowing and being okay with not knowing, with a striving to be something better. Whether for life, others, self, or just being a decent human seems to be a good goal. Why not right?
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night readers.
Good evening, good morning, whatever hour of the day it is and your time good day, that is I hope you are having a good day. I found that I write and realized I don’t know who I am writing to or four.
I want to help, I want to point in the right direction, I want to do well. Or kindness, something of value, or something that not only has you wanting to see what’s going on again, but has a destination.
One thing I do like about this, WordPress, the blog, is it is genuinely a journal entry, I wasn’t one to do journaling back in the day, I would do one little journal thing for an English class, thank you Ms. Wolf for that one. And my short story writing was just that. It was short story writing which was myself having fun and having an adventure in my head and putting it on paper. What stories I do write are still that and the journaling is something new. But still the same with instead of just encompassing an hour of a day of a stupid teen now it encapsulates a stupid adult and the parenting, and everything else under the Sun that is mine I guess. But what for? For life, for living, for knowing eventually, and possibly soon, death will take me.
But the thing is, well it’s true and I think maybe that’s why I’m here…maybe that’s the purpose.
I have stated in the past and to reiterate, I was a very stupid young man, I was dumb, brash, immature and more than idiotic. One day though, I woke up and I decided I do not want that life, I didn’t want violence, I didn’t want to be a statistic, nor did I want any more negativity tied to me than I had created myself. I slowly started to take the steps to be the change I wanted to see. And I strive daily to be that. But with what I’m seeing in language and reality, I would much rather stay in maintaining positivity and love, with light.
Essentially that’s how I want to live, it is how I am choosing to live. I breathe In the words of Latin. Memento Mori. Meaning “remember you must die“. And I take each step with intention. But that doesn’t mean I don’t lose focus, especially considering this last week, sometimes focus has to change due to other circumstances shifting needs. Luckily I’ve got tethers to help, factors of my own, writing, art, memoirs editing, and other choices like house duties. And with those I aim in making sure what I do isn’t for nothing. And I try to do this with the mantras of Memento Mori and Nosce Te Ipsum as my talisman.
To know myself and have the knowledge that life is brief has helped make sure each day has a significant poignancy to it. I cherish the minutes I share with my wife and son. I cherish the time I have with my friend John, my brother Ben and his wife, my dogs, conversations with my mom, books, art, and the contrast of life and the many alcoves that seem to be available at a moments notice for so many shades of perspective and actuality. Life is a conundrum wrapped in a bow, adorned in glitter, dressed with obsidian, and boxed in alabaster.
Playlist #0.1
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night readers.
The day has been drifting, the time inching, and I’ve taken the opportunity to enjoy the present, enjoy my family, and take on as many cuddles from my little boy as can be tolerated.
But it did bring a thought. One I feel we all tend to ask ourselves when losing traction or focus. What am I doing?
A poem:
Thought.
The power of the mind, the traction of our thoughts, the power we give the things that are so, so irrational.
Love.
A feeling, tremendously fragile, tempting fate, tempting life, Love. An underrated, understated, most verbally related form of justified sensation.
Thoughts.
The darkness shrouds, and the light is fleeting, my mind is always staying to task, oh no, no it’s not, the darkness shrouds, the thoughts they stick, no they don’t. Thoughts.
Like butterflies bouncing from chest to mind to mind to hand to hand to foot,butterflies bounce and bounce with thoughts and feelings, emotions dark and light, the butterflies bounce and bounce flutter and trounce, and all I want is to collect them in order smallest to biggest, smallest to biggest.
Love and thoughts thoughts and love I say hi-ho and so it goes to repeat another, to repeat another, to repeat another.
End.
C’est la vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night.
Today is the premiere of Kung Fu Panda 4. Though you may not think this a big deal, for my wife and I, it is very much indeed. Given our son, his autism, and the avenues and prospective pathways he has to communicate he has chosen one of our favorites to convey feelings. Excitement. Jubilation. And total awesomeness. We’ve had the honor of watching each one with him, a few in theaters, this being his first premiere night viewing. Of course it’s here in our hometown where there is no red carpet, no star list , but luckily our son makes that himself in finding the beauty with having these moments.
The morning started out simply, though I did fight the alarms, I took a moment’s breath to seize a second of silence, but started right before six o’clock. Started a shower, gathered clothes for the boy, gathered the same for the Mrs. Readied her lunch, her smoothie, the ice water, the chips for the nephew, clothed the little guy, readied his lunch and brushed the knots away till he was grimacing and shining for his day. I walked the Mrs. to the car once again with the bags for school and a kiss. The little guy left with the bus about ten minutes later followed by about an hour with the dogs.
It has been a good day, though somewhat uneventful. This is due to, well I took a look at jobs. You know the WFH type. But for a stay-at-home parent who needs to make sure it is available when my son gets picked up from home at 7:15 and dropped off back at home at 11:15. So now I have this precarious and rather tight schedule, a schedule that I need to manifest somehow a job that one: get paid a pretty penny, two: can manage it better than this last job, and three: actually understand the job without the slingshot ‘training’.
I know it’s asking for a lot and it’d be easier with the finished degree, job history not so sparse, and wanting to work endlessly.
Still not finding much luck with law firms though in not wanting to take the case, however my sister is telling me to just use unemployment and being let go incorrectly I can bring attention that way, thing is…I don’t want to choose that route, at least not till there’s nothing left.so I lingered sulking, staring at the same screen for too damn long, looked at a few more articles to do with my essay subject and wrote out a sh”*** draft for tweaking, cleaning, editing, and turning in tomorrow
Kung Fu Panda 4
Kung Fu Panda 4 Copyrights: DreamWorks and IMDB (2024)
I like to consider myself a cinephile, and I’ll admit I’m a bit partial to animation, that said I had thoughts about this one.
Kung Fu Panda, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Kung Fu Panda 3, were each epic in their own way in the telling of Po’s tale to enlightenment, inner peace, and awesomeness. Personally, I’m a massive fan of music tying in with film and Kung Fu Panda 2 does a phenomenal job of moving the viewer through the scenes in a dramatic form that closes with shattering clarity. But as I’m not a spoiler fan, I’d say simply check it out, available on Netflix (Kung Fu Panda 3), and or Peacock (Kung Fu Panda and Kung Fu Panda 2). Anyhow I digress. The series is a smashing success.
However, originally the rumors for the fourth film were limited, brief and often shots in the dark. One, that I managed to hold onto, was that the Furious Five and original cast would be in it. Villain had yet to be determined as well as plot. But I was hooked the moment I saw Dustin Hoffman and Jack Black signing on, I kept my ear to the news horn and hoped it’d develop to bigger and better. Then about a year ago the rumor was that the Furious Five would not be making an appearance, that the villain was new, Black was still on as well as Cranston, Hong, and Hoffman. I hesitated, even held my breath toward expecting something worth viewing on the big screen. As it’s known sequels suck a plenty and a plenty suck.
So come the fourth film of what has become a great set of movies, still shrouded in lack of verified details, I wasn’t sure to expect anything but similar graphics as the trailer had shown this already. And Awkwafina. We had seen Migration, have seen Awkwafina in a few shows and have appreciated the humor. So it started to look promising.
It’s premiere night here in our hometown, the theater is quiet, it’s still a school week and we’re ready
Slushies, popcorn, water, candy, and more popcorn, glimmer lights of the show and we enjoyed every second. Watching the story open the way it did and provide what can become a next step or story was not only exciting but well done with not relying on the Furious Five or any other villainous tropes as seen in the previous three. But to have Jack Black cover “Baby One More Time” at the end was icing on the cake.
It was certainly a treat with a good lesson, good story, and solid finishing touches for either a complete close or opening for more. Time will tell I guess.
C’est la vie
Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and good night.
I may have underestimated the length in how long a closet organizer would take. Good God damn I definitely underestimated. Of course counting the feeding the dogs, playing with them, and getting them back into the house, along with the putting together the closet set would’ve likely taken me less time. But that’s more of an obvious statement than anything else.
That was a slow and chaotic evaluation of what I thought I could do and what I didn’t do at all. Yes I did the folding yes I did the dishes yes I did the setting up the closet organizer which is actually rather cool it takes up a lot more space than I had envisioned obviously never judge a picture for what it is.
I’m also find myself at a curious point. To which I will try to elaborate more on tomorrow. I’ll give a wrap up of how the six went how my 7th went and what I’m looking forward to.
To give you going to sleep may you rest easy to those of you waking may it be blissful and gentle. And for those of you waking may your night to come be blissful and more peaceful than you had hoped.
My first hour consists of first grabbing jeans and likely the T-shirt from the night before (today was a fresh shirt grab), I try to make sure that I don’t forget deodorant always got to make sure I don’t forget deodorant. Then I grab my wife a tank, sports shorts and sweats, usually an oversized shirt as she likes being comfortable while doing her make up. And then a quick scurry over to the kitchen where I set up a lunch: turkey-colby-Jack pickle roll-ups, sliced fruits, and a protein smoothie for the Mrs. My son’s usual protein bar packed crunch fest and both get a water bottle with ice.
We help our little guy get dressed, we wrestle with him to brush teeth, brush hair, and finally he likes his shoes, the new ones that don’t look like they can start a conversation. This is a big deal for him, for us, definitely deserves a quiet ‘woot woot‘. I help the Mrs to the car carrying her bags, loading them in the passenger seat and kiss her away. We sign we love her, wave goodbye and I issue my boy to put his hoodie on.
And now I relax while opening up my project for the day which is a closet organizer from Temu, I think it may be from Amazon as a matter of fact. But I can’t remember it may be from Amazon though it usually is.
Not sure what else to do, maybe play with the dogs for the next thirty minutes. I know I’ll listen to the song over and again though that’s playing in my headphone.
Waiting for an email. And then I guess I’ll just start applying for a job somewhere. After organizing the closet thing if I can. F***!
I was trying to find the silver lining. After being removed from my position yesterday, I stood aimlessly, drifting and in a void of confounded dizzying. Even still the night of the 5th I am trying to wrap my head around with my wording and how to convey this not being right.
Right quick, I will and do take complete and total accountability and responsibility if there was or is something that I had done that was unforgivable, immature, unprofessional or otherwise. Now what has me very curious into what happened how it happened and what I hadn’t requested that made it where me getting fired had me getting fired. And I don’t know how to convey to a lawyer that something is a miss, something is a foot.
The thing is, I addressed my concerns after the infusion, just the first of the first-round which that first round takes two infusions, the first being two weeks between one another and then a six-month wait before that second infusion. In that second infusion is in fact the second because number one and two at the beginning is only for the initial first infusion. I know it’s confusing, but it is true.
I communicated with my team, I communicated with everybody that I had been having some difficulty, noticing some changes, asking for this, asking for that, which had me leaning into HR requesting for part-time. And after that part-time request, after it was finalized, and turned in just last week I got fired this f****** Monday. What the actual f*** went wrong? What the f*** step, what did I not communicate? What is there that I’m missing? Was it something that I did incorrectly? That didn’t have a reason or at least there was askew? What was that something that was ignored? At least that’s how it feels, that’s what it seems like. Maybe I am losing my f****** mind but god damn it I really f****** hope that’s not the case.
Sorry for the language but it is what it is. Luckily it’s censored, apparently my mic is programmed to *** the graphic content. Hahahaha.
I’m perturbed and while dealing with this, calling firms, hoping for an assist in how to address this. I’m trying to see the silver lining. Do I immediately jump on a prospective job? Do I take a moment and take care of the items that have fallen to the wayside? Do I reel in my focus for school and the side job? My art?
Just this last day alone I was able to get most of the laundry beast to its caverns, nooks, and crevices. Was able to clean up the kitchen counters and dishes (kitchen floor and table tomorrow), was able to play with my boy and breathe a bit, it was a panicked shaking breathing but, still a breath.
We’ll see, maybe I’ll do a journal post through each hour tomorrow. We’ll see how productive I can be at home. Here, where I always am.
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, to those waking good morning and good night.
I find myself saddened, a tad confused, and certainly taking a blow. The fact of the matter is I was let go from my position at work.
So as to not deal with legalities I will simply state this: I was working for a customer service company on going to HR and requesting a part-time position, getting my doctor’s approval, signing my own permissions approval, and finalizing everything last week, I was let go today. And I would even like to add that in a near celebratory way I was offered VTO for “a longer weekend to make sure I was refreshed and ready for the next week.”
I’m trying to figure out what I can, trying to make sense of what steps I took and how I managed to lose my job, and how to make sure I can get another one sooner than later cuz this, well, this is a lot. And I am about up to the brim and done with s*** hitting the fan. I’m just tired.
Though I may wallow, silently if I may add, try to end up on top right. Even if it’s considered the top for myself not for the company I just got removed from or any other company. Hoping to talk to some legal people today because I was literally in the middle of talking with HR upon getting fired and I don’t get it.
So yeah that wraps up my Monday, I’ve got a lot of s*** to do, I’ve got a lot of planning to do, and now that I have all this free time, I have a lot of cleaning I need to do cuz I don’t know that’s just how the f****** cookie crumbles.
C’est la vie
Those of you chasing the night may it be gentle, and those waiting for the morning may it be a breeze of peace. Good morning and good night.
Ever have those days where you could swear you smell like s*** and you likely have crap running down your leg or remaining from a bad bathroom moment earlier that morning?
I did that today. I grabbed my dogs this morning, a little later than I intended, because well I was being lazy and then the smaller one started barking more incessantly than usual, finally I got my cranky ass up, grabbed em, took them outside and got them fed. And I could have swore that somehow at some moment throughout the morning I had crappe myself and forgot. I had gone all day sniffing the air like a psycho thinking that there was just immediate s*** directly in front of me beside me underneath me above me somewhere had to be f****** somewhere.
Turns out the smaller pup got a tummy ache ended up kind of losing his bowels and I apparently just didn’t catch the smell or even the muck on his bed before picking him up and taking him outside. So that got on my finger, I put my hand and my pocket smearing said s*** down into my jean pocket and on to my jeans.
So I had not shot myself, but I did put s*** on myself, completely unaware of doing so but that’s where the snow is coming from and somehow I just completely missed it I don’t know how because my jeans are blue and s*** is you know well it’s the color of s***. Sorry for cussing so much in this one it was dealing with a circumstance that kind of called for it right?
So that pretty much sums up my day. I had s*** on me all day and didn’t know. Pretty much grasps the daily muckery of the chaos that happens we tend to overlook I guess. But I do hope that my submission for school comes with an A and that my submission for lit up tomorrow morning comes with good news.
C’est la vie
Good night and good morning, have a glorious good morning and darling good night.
Hello and Hi-ho, 61 days down, and oh so many to go…that is I hope. I figure I’ll just keep it up with the thoughts-journal till I either run out of money, lose the ability, or pass.
Sorry, ghoulish humor.
Apparently, I ask too many questions, make little sense, and am more than confusing. Even here, at home, with my family.
And of course the day later I find myself editing this work which is why I have that separator to let you know that this is being edited Sunday. Personally I take the time to gather my thoughts and I also take the time to be conscientious of not only what I’m sharing but how I’m talking and what I’m talking to or for I also like to keep my marriage alive if that’s possible.
Marriage is, well it’s definitely a trick, a very self-motivated conscious effort in making sure that the relationship is balanced and beneficial for the both of you. At least that’s what I’m thinking…?
And to anybody married myself included I don’t mean that as and insult mentioning marriage being a trick. It just takes a lot of effort from both parties. More than I ever had assumed or even thought would be required especially as a younger person, especially as a teen. I was straight up a s*** ass and I know that also know that the first large chunk of my marriage was destructive and I don’t know I feel like there is hope, but I also feel that if I make the wrong moves, she’s not going to want to stay.
Sorry whoa…a lot of this is stemming from stresses that we’ve been faced with our son growing, getting beyond that little boy age, and needing more stimuli, more conversation, and did I mention constipation.
It’s what has the weekend so mismatched mixed up, hahaha f****** constipation.
C’est la vie
the night has me I’ve got stories I need to do I have scored to finish and I’m going to try to see if I can get a job on lithub.com, if you would wish me luck.
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you, to everyone, to anyone.
March 1st, beginning of the coming spring due the 19th this month and I’m more than elated, you?
Now, mind you I’m not big on the heat, as it leaves me drained more than often, but to finally be able to wear a shirt and jeans without the needed layers for warmth, is a much appreciated change. Which to begin with my original post was going to have details about flip flops, sandals, and bullying, to which, I have no idea what the f*** I was trying to talk about nor do I remember.
But that’s life isn’t it? A matter of memory, remembering, thought, intention, meaning, and the duration of how the meaning impacts or affects you, me, life, and everything around us.
But are you the type of person that believes in this theory? In the theory that we are in fact each tied to one another, everything, and all things?
It doesn’t make me vegan or what have you, but I feel it’s a good way of living, kind of like the Jimi Hendrix line about “Music being a safe kind of high.”
I feel if we each take time to recognize that we are so much more alike than we care to admit, that we’re connected to so many other varieties of life, birds, pets, water, the plants, even the inanimate, would you feel less alone? Will the prospects of sensations that circumnavigate through loneliness, well, would they be non-existent?
I digress, family focus and building up some techniques with my son and Lobo, I hope you all have a wonderful Friday had a wonderful Friday and hope my Saturday post makes it in time that it’s actually dropping on Saturday on like today which is a Saturday drop for Friday well now I just feel like the Willy Wonka guy with the 2 I can’t just do 2. Hahaha, if only you could be in my head to connect the tether to the connection to the Wonka to the thought to the now. Trust me I know it’s convoluted in more than confusing. So is life right?
C’est la vie.
May you all have a blessed good night and wonderful good morning and those of you waking may it be a blessed morning with a wonderful night’s rest to come.
I’ve been feeling guilty for my friend and the memoir. Given he’s writing and I’m editing, I feel that there’s an expectation to hat it’d be whipped up and finalized sooner. However this is merely my own fear, given we’ve shared many a discussion of life and the pursuit and an understanding it may take time, more time than expected. So why the guilt?
I think of Neil Gaiman’s ‘View From the Cheap Seats’ an autobiographical that covers life and growing, writing and love, comics and being a husband, parent, and the tribulations that transpire throughout. But, I’m here to discuss Harlan Ellison, his soapbox, and the project he went on to show and demystify the idea of what it is to be a writer. Ellison would go from bookstore to bookstore at numerous locations throughout the U.S. to show the practice, the duration of idea to finger to paper, to being posted on the glass windows at whichever spot he’d be at and voila. 100 short stories later and I think, this should be like that right? 100 short stories, a little over a year of our project and I’ve made just a slight dent to the whole of what’s wanted for this memoir. But then in truth, there are long durations where Ellison admits, he’d wander, whether it was in mind or body, he’d putz about pondering the next page, next chapter, that next step. Gaiman does, King, well I don’t know, he whips them out like I eat, but I feel even he’d drift in thought, pause for a moment, maybe a day and get back to it. But that’s what it is to be writing. Thought, planning, silent and invisible outlines draped across our eyes, while we take a scalpel to it and partition, splice, and rearrange what is wanted.
My days start with thought, planning, and almost immediately an editing to the steps I take, the writing I did the might before, what I’m doing, and what is planned to be done. What’s nearly comical, is that the more I find myself with less to do, I do more.
I’ve found myself with two silent weeks of no Discussion Questions or subject readings for school, two minute projects, and all the time in the world to edit memoirs, paint, write for DreamDarkStories, and be a dad and husband.
In some areas I have more success than others. Guess it turns out like that sometimes. Anyhow to those who read and if keeping track some of my stuff is dropped a little late sometimes too late so I’m going to try to drop this just a little after midnight from the last day of February.
C’est la vie
May you all have a wonderful night and a wonderful most glorious morning, and for those of you who are seeing the morning may it be peaceful and may the night that come be just as gentle.
Ever have those days where you just don’t get it? You don’t get why there’s anger, you hear an explanation, you get the slew of angry banter and utter “I don’t know”. Sometimes it just comes off like something inflamed, torched, and you do everything you can to understand why this one little thing, seemingly innocuous, unintended, and an inquiry? Why? And then I find myself thinking to myself is it the anger that I see? Is that a varied expression of love itself? Am I crazy? Or, is it genuinely that there’s so much frustration due to the hopes and wanting for expectations that it doesn’t fit the cut? And of course you may think I’m asking this question to you, and maybe I am, but I feel like I’m asking this to anybody and everybody. Why do we expect everyone to flow and work the way we want it to work why do we get so damn irritated at people when it doesn’t go the way we assumed or had hoped it was going to be?
I dig. I dig away at the layers, uncover the bones, the tattered rags of years long lost, I dig. I question you, question me, I can’t decide which is and isn’t. Ne’er a worry, I dig. I dig at the sludge, dig at the heart, the levels from skin to bone, I dig. A darkness holds me close, I dig, my heart begins to bleed and the layers become revealing, the levels unraveling, I dig, callous and wounds, life and difference, I dig. I dig. I dig. Ne’er a stop, I dig, ne’er a thought, hands pounding raw and I dig. Incapable of stopping, a need, a call, a compelling to dig, dig, dig. My heart races, it pounds, it thunders to my ears with cacophonic atrocities as I dig, sigh, sweat my tears, and dig.
When is too much too much?
I’m out for the night/day, I’m tired and need a reset.
C’est la vie
Good morning and good night, good night and good morning.
The smacking of Lobo’s munching up Purina Dog Chow sends an unnerving shudder through my ears leading to a deep well of unwanted mastications seen or heard. The deep gulping of my oversized dog, though understood due to his size, has me yearning for headphones to blast away what’s coming next…more chewing, chomping, and gasping for air while he eats his bowls remains and Oreo’s small bowl on the side of his large paw. He looks up with the familiar dog smile, exhaling musty chicken crude protein scents that likely will dissipate in due time, but knowingly will irk my senses till I find a better reason to change jeans.
The bowls are cleared quickly, they both trot out of the shed with an exuding of conquering what was tasked, and quickly get back to a raucous dog play that will likely tread against the fine line of dog love, familial rough play, and the occasional yelp to heed by either the Pyrenees or the shih-Tzu terrier.
I watch, I write to you; the reader, and ponder the days to come, the Doc appointments, the tests, scans, and labs that will likely coincide and sigh heavily with repose. To breathe in deeply, hold, and let it out with a growl. It’s more of an internal kind of nonsense; that growl, but it wakes me up, reminds me of the path, the goal, and that finish line that never seems to be within reach.
Not to cause fear or strike worry into your mind, but keep in thought, if you would that life is short, life can drift away at a whims notice, and with nearly a surprise, and like Seneca mentions it’s most brief for those who lack remembering our faults, are nowhere near being present with now, and have no thoughts of the coming future.
My goal as I’ve stated before is to maintain my conscientiousness my being present, my accountability, and striving for making sure that I am the best of everything I can be everyday making sure that my steps are with indications to my goals and the future that I know I can have.
I’m closing out for the night, talk to you guys tomorrow and I’ll drop my Wednesday piece in the morning.
C’est la vie
May you all have a wonderful night and wonderful morning and may you all have a wonderful good morning and that wonderful drifting peaceful night.
Boy am I f***ing late with these posts the last couple or few days.
Sometimes I guess it happens. I guess the draw of the day the monotony of the cleaning and the cooking and, the rest of the s*** that we know or needed additions but God do we detest them.
And then I get to a point where yeah I just want to stare at the screen and watch this Cruel Summer show and try to figure out what the hell’s going on cuz I’m starting to support a bad guy but wait are they a bad person, is this a bad person?
What is bad and what is it within the paradigms of the nonchalant religious background, ethical background, moral background, where do the paradigms stray off enough that a person can be bad and still be good?
Im closing out tonight sorry I’ll talk to you guys Sunday I’m probably going to publish this Sunday actually I’ll do what I can to make sure that I publish the Sunday one Sunday, and we’ll be back on track and hopefully hopefully hopefully if I can get this project turned into night I’m going to make sure that I have at least part one of stuck which is kind of boring but hopefully with the painting that I shared and I’ll share a better one with a better background too.
C’est la vie
May any and all have a wonderful night and morning may you have a gorgeous good morning and a beautiful restful night.
Do you ever question your selfishness or selflessness? Do you ever stand observing, living, moving through the motions because well you’re used to it but then find yourself questioning that as well?
I woke up this morning and went to work did the usual did my DQ read my projects read my essays everything that’s needed definitely more than I had intended but I think I have enough time and if I do things right I’ll be able to get it done early. That’s of course hopeful thinking as I’m lazy and I know this.
But I also get easily excited, and being able to translate said excitement into what I’m writing about with scientific studies, discoveries, and prospects afterward… It’s easy to write. It’s easy to plan, it’s easy to write, it’s easy to script. Haha I forget it’s a son of a b**** when it comes to f****** citing though and that I will be rather frank with, I get it and I totally respect the citing, and the needing of it However we’ve all seen those memes or at least I assume, forgive me, we totally know and we’ve got the confidence but god forbid we’re going to wait till the last minute right?
At least I know I do and I’ll take accountability to that even if I had my professor Dr Green straight face to face I would admit look I’m going to do this last minute and then I’m going to do the best I can because well …Memento Mori.
But that’s the truth of everything that has been and was much as I can truly focus on daily with moving forward. No that sentence makes any sense to you awesome it barely makes any sense to me but I’m the one who said it so I’m just going to ride with it. So the thing is with Memento Mori I’m realizing one you take every day as the last day of what you have not any hey I’m going to do whatever the f*** I want kind of living but I’m going to make sure that every step I make has worth every action I have has that worth and everything I say has a weight or a point for it. Well the thing is I lose focus and I get passionate and I like talking. I hate my f****** job, but when it comes to talking to someone especially family, john, my wife, there’s a joy it’s your joy to communicating with someone about life..
C’est La vie
sorry this is late I lost track of time been falling asleep doing my work…my bad
Good night and may you have a sweet good morning, to a sweet good morning may you have a sweet and darling good night.
Boy the day really got ahead of me, I’m swamped, tidying up research for a subject that’s so off base from the original subject in the school course, that I’m thinking f*** it let’s do this. So I’m still writing, editing, and writing more and really trying to capitalize on my family time.
Ever get told something; like a “you’re being rude, you’re being wrong, being negative or bad” when that’s not the intention and then questioning your entirety of intention from the get go?
Is this gaslighting or is this just an emotional like couples thing?
I don’t know, still like I said trying to capitalize on relationships right I am going to drop some stuff later tonight it will not be a journal entry it will not be a day 40 anything it will simply be some pictures and some details to whatever it is that I’m dropping.
So I’m signing out, closing for the night going to write up my February 16th intro and edit and try to drop Stuck this weekend. Hoping I can get at least a short story a month didn’t realize as much editing as I am doing that it was going to take up as much time as it is who would have thunk that?
C’est la vie
Good night and have a beautiful morning. Good gorgeous morning and have a wonderful splendid Dark night.
How is the Valentine day rolling out or how was it?
Did you rest queerly, agitated with the egregious and plethora of traffic nearly everywhere? Did you have a long wait at the reserved four star restaurant? Was there a fight? I hope not. Truly.
Sometimes I’m negative, and bring that negativity to my writing and bring it to my paintings and my drawings my everything, even my gaming. Thing is my Valentine went great. It was rather fantastic as we enjoy the simple things. We had ordered Olive Garden yesterday which was still insane because it was before Ash Wednesday. And if you know what that means then everybody is taking that day to eat the meats because they’re likely going to go meat free for the duration left. So we were left at the to-go sign waiting slot for a while but we ended up getting a great spread for rather reasonable prices and ended up having Olive Garden for two days. With the addition of the occasional throwing in stops at Culver’s, stops at Starbucks, and just trea ourselves. What has made it great though, wasn’t the food per se, the gifts per se. It was just being with one another. We may have been going through a lot we probably still are I’m not going to be a fool and say everything is great because I hope that we’re steering towards greatness for each other… But there are times where I get nervous and I hesitate so to be present and to be able to enjoy it with one another for just being us with each other I think it’s great.
Sadly the project for the tea bag holder is still in production still looking for that e6000 but I’ll find it.
She adored the Lego set, and is excited to make it over the weekend. I’m hoping to take some pictures when there’s some color,
Getting sleepy
C’est la vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight.
Dream Dark Stories 