Dream Dark Stories

Tag: life

  • Day One Hundred, April 9th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello!

    That is one hundred days of being committed to posting within the 25 hours of each day. One hundred days of writing journalistic introspection through the days of life and the pursuit for love and continued happiness.

    Though I’ve made sure to be confidently busy and goal oriented these last 100 days, I felt that time would have become a more fast moving type, something too fast to catch up on being here with my family and raking in stories from the sarlacc pit of my brain.

    Stories I have. And there will be more, but as I stated throughout day one to now and likely what will continue, I really enjoy emphasizing the importance of thinking outside of yourself and being with the people that are close to you and the ones you love. So I’ve been trying to maintain a general 50/50 for what I do for myself and what I do for my family (wife and son). Personally about 87% of the time I feel that I’m doing a great job, the other 10% I feel comes with confusion and not understanding the other person’s perspective or, let us say, objective. And that last 3% that’s my “I don’t know”.

    Point of example earlier today the neighbor who is rather feeble and has fallen a time or two, had thrown a message to me to come over right quick, me quickly moving while the wife is in the bathroom, uttered “I’ll be at the door”, meaning to say “I’m going to go to the neighbors, I’ll be at his door, I’ll be right back”. I was just trying to be fast so I would be back in the house before there are any issues but this neighbor has a motor of a mouth that doesn’t know when to turn off.

    I get back home she’s sternly crossing her arms over her chest subconsciously pretty sure she was tapping her foot, and giving me this look like I’m this piece of s*** child that she needs to keep track of, cuz apparently me stating that thing I’d be back real quick she had this idea that I literally flew the coop.

    To which (I really hope you’re reading) I don’t have the f****** spirit or energy In Me to put that much effort to break anybody’s heart especially yours and especially our sons. I have constantly been in a state of confusion not knowing whether I’m coming or going when it comes to this relationship, so every step I damn make you better f****** believe it’s with intention and it’s with direction to make sure that at least the half of the relationship knows that I did everything within my effort to make sure it was seen, that the effort in making sure my love for her and for him are 100% right there.

    And to top the situation her thinking that I flew the coop I’m already in the house, mind you, she’s standing there still upset, while I explained the situation and continued explaining that I thought that the big moose had fallen again and he wanted to give us some meatballs and sauce . She then asks me later on after needing to get some feminine products from the bathroom, if I know where any of the others are, that she had a bunch in the drawer and then utters “what did you do with the tampons?” she asked.

    Okay now here is where I feel a lot of the time I don’t know what the hell is going on in her head, god if I only could, honestly I don’t think I would want to, especially with a lot of things lately.She’ll issue concerns or issue an idea of what’s actually/not actually happening that is nowhere near reality because this isn’t a CW TV show, and because as I dutifully and very honorably have stated over and over and over again I am right here. Every inch, every bit, for you(her), down to the last iota, everyday till I die.

    Now, I think after so many times and after so much showing and actual accountability and every f****** step, it gets to a point where it is not only tiring but conveniently exhausting and I don’t know if it’s a personal achievement on her perspective goal, I don’t know. And that’s something else I just don’t know, that 3%, this kind of melts in with everything else. I do not know how anything works other than what I’m doing right here, right now. Yes, I know how the PlayStation works, yes I know how the lights work, and all the other items. But what I’m talking about, I cannot make you think anything, I can’t make you decide a decision you’re making, that is not for me to make. I do not write this with ever an intention of making you feel something, I am simply writing. Yes, there are opinions, yes, there are comments, and yes, there is a likely convoluted depiction of life from some guy with a broken brain trying to wrap it together. Again my goal always will be to right right truthfully, right honestly, and with intention. Even if it’s for just talking, just giving a definition of a day for anybody something someone doesn’t matter. This isn’t some fatalistic or nihilistic kind of perspective life does matter what it is is I’m writing because I like writing, I’m talking because I literally have no one to talk to, and this is where I dissolve my worries, this is where I release the gasket of pressures that are inside my soul and burning me down down. That’s what this is and I apologize for the collection of likely off sentences but this is what it is. And apparently this is definitely day 100 since this is the most I’ve talked about most things.

    Whoa, a lot said, perhaps a little, or maybe it’s just showing. Again and life sometimes I just don’t know and I don’t like letting the mind drift into a worrying spectacular exploration of what can’t and me likely never happen, so it goes right?

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night you fantastic and supportive readers. I truly do thank you every time you guys come to take a look and follow and truly inspires for more creation. And given that my masters will likely be digging into psychology I think given I talk about my life and goals for the relationship I have with my wife I think I’m going to start delving into a psychological variable with relating details and how to overcome the difficulties, mind you I’m figuring it out as I go which I’m assuming most of us are trying to do that very thing. Again I do wish you a wonderful day or night and stay safe.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Nine, April 8th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I do hope your day is splendid and wonderful and to those who are new to my site or the page or just this post, I have been dropping a daily journalistic and introspective take to what it’s like being a stay-at-home Dad being in school, married, while struggling with MS as it develops and evolves.

    One of my favorite things aside from this and writing is my art outside of school and the enjoyment in expressing whatever it is in my head, because what’s in my here and what I end up putting down are two very different depictions. Secondly, the MS brings on a compilation of colors and effects that I couldn’t have imagined without the MS or at least that’s how it feels sometimes.

    What is below is not all the art that I’ve done through the time and I will be dropping finished pieces within the next week or two but this is more depiction of how I’m faring or how I’m dissolving. Neurologists aren’t all that great with communication and I feel like there’s something to be done with our doctors as I thought they were working for us; you know the patient. But time and time again it feels like that is not the case if ever.

    Hand drawn ’20
    Hand drawn ’20
    Acrylic ’21
    Acrylic ’21
    Acrylic pour paint ’22-23
    Water-colour ’22/23
    Water-colour ’24
    Water-colour ’22
    Water-colour ’22
    Water colour ’22
    Water-colour ’22
    Water-colour ’22
    Water-colour ’23
    Water-colour ’23
    Water-colour ’24

    So if you notice I do start with acrylic, however, until I decided to start really adding water by using Caran D’ache NEOCOLOR II AQUARELLE, there was an element that kept whatever was being created inanimate. So a lot if not most of what is above has an organic element that I had hoped could be grasped. But the other thing is when it comes to faces which if you continue to follow and read throughout my telling of MS and life, the faces mean more than anything else, because the faces, though they depict one thing are usually shrouded, clouded, and covered for the fact that is how it feels here, living, being in my body. There are 30,000 ideas, thoughts, feelings, and emotion through this tenuous thread that I feel vibrates and flows within life but…there are these handicaps that I keep finding in my life and I feel that the more and more I try to convey what’s going on the less of a mouth I have, the less truth can be heard.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night you beautiful cherished and supportive readers, I hope you the best, and I hope to see Good Fortune for all. Till tomorrow…

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Eight, April 7th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Sundays am I right? There’s this amalgamation of the entirety of the whole week that built up to that last day or the “Sabbath Day“.

    I know, sorry, I didn’t mean a no humor or slight with saying an italicized Sabbath day, it’s just depending on your preference. Personally I stand from the source a belief in virtue, respect, accountability, and doing the best to walk in the line of light. Now whether that has to do with the angel of Light; Lucifer, or the path of God, or being Hindu. It’s up to you, as long as you respect others and respect yourself I don’t think it should matter as much as we hold weight to mentioning religious values.

    Personally I was raised Christian, and depending on what year kind of the more abrasive of Christian stances, like house to house ministries in Temecula California. Fell away from it growing up realizing I am me and I have my own mind and I can make up my own decisions and I can be the light that I know I can be instead of being told that I was damned and merely a rock that could be trotted on due to well being a teen or preteen during that time growing up. But there are great things that I still get spiritually and a bit emotional about due to the power behind the meaning of a lot of what I was brought up on and with. But again my My Little drop today has nothing to do with it insult to anybody with religious views or perspectives by all means to each their own I do wish you the best, and I truly hope that you bring as much genuine accountability generosity and beautiful power with how we or you treat each person you see day after day after day and how our actions can be perceived in aiming towards being a good person and having that benefit of a doubt.

    And yet I know that they’re comes they need to be a little bit Street smart, know that not everybody is genuine, not everybody has the best site for anything but themselves and some are greedy, some will lie, and others will cheat to get everything they want. To which I have been over and over again mentioning that that is not me and I will be sure to show accountability regardless and always take accountability with ownership of who I am and how I act and what it said and everything. Anyhow the week was long.

    Such a lame blip of s*** right there – ‘the week was long’. It was learning honestly finding situations where there’s truths that neither want to be acknowledged or focus on when it comes to life or relationships. I’m trying to be patient scratch that I am being patient though there is an impatient bone within me that calls for conversing. But the thing is a genuine conversation that doesn’t hold marks of shaming one another talking down to one another but simply addressing the simple matter of facts to what being in a relationship in a marriage mean to the ideologies of being left alone when the expectation outside of oneself doesn’t share that being left alone. And though I know this is wrapped in riddling organization in how I’m talking, relationships especially having to do with marriage come with a odd edge of this tedious tug of war that I think is unneeded.

    I think the biggest thing is if you say you want me, and you say you love me, but you can’t have the patience to but take away your face from the f****** phone in your hand doesn’t mean anything? It’s shown that it does, but then at the other side there’s this avoidance and this very direct and what comes off as an intentional aiming to be so busy that one cannot be troubled to take a minute to talk. To talk for the heart and for the balance and foundation of one another, and I think that’s where I’m starting to lose my footing. And I do get nervous about this losing footing because there is love and I want that love, thing is I didn’t think I’d need to trade who I am and the way I like to communicate and like to talk and need to siphon off my conversing in communication funny that I need to legitimately shut that off and be mute and not be a part of others be involved in my households and the people here but I am expected to shut it until wanted. I don’t know, it leaves me searching for an answer to why and I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer in actual truth to the variable of a relationship and who we are to one another for each other but again maybe I’m wrong, God hopefully I’m wrong.

    Well I think I got a bit emo on this one I apologize, I am going to sign out now and take my planning and see what I have set for the week I will hopefully talk to you guys Monday morning and share some perspectives of what is going on in life. Did you plan on dropping art I will edit the other day and what art was posted in those images, who created them while also acknowledging the credit due. But if there could be a response to if you guys want to see art or don’t or are wanting something specific added, that would be greatly appreciated and definitely help with what I’m trying to curate with dreamdarkstories.com.

    Please and thank you.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night you wonderful supportive readers, I do thank you for coming back again and again either to support or simply take a look. I hope your day is gentle and I hope the night is peacefully graceful.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Seven, April 6th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I hope you all are having a pleasant weekend. My weekend has been interesting to say the least.

    To start Friday came with a fire sparking up on the north side of the city and then came this:

    fire at EVRAZ steel mill sent black smoke over the city of Pueblo Friday afternoon, April 5, 2024 – EVRAZ Steel Mill.., img : CPR.org

    This fire was on the south end, east of I-25 and blotting the sky. From our porch the billows of dark smoke hadn’t died down till around 7:30 p.m.

    But what created the smorgasbord of ??? Was the fire and what was being cleaned up where that fire happened. Apparently the news has reported it was asbestos. Plumes of burning gaseous asbestos fire fairies chasing the darkening sky. With this news there came a report to stay in doors at all cost if possible til Monday. Yip Yip Yippee, fun fun fun, indoors for an unfortunate length with our child the screamer. Luckily the winds have been hellish though and pushing in a N/NE direction making me and my wife weary of the warning to begin with.

    I still find opportunities though to get my boy outside enough in the patio so he can scream to his heart’s desire. Sadly the dogs have had little time but I hope Sunday brings better fortune for the two of my scruffies.

    But the day was busy and long, appointments a plenty, shopping, and other missions for our daughters Prom next week. Numerous pickup stops at Sam’s and Walmart and did you know there’s a new Oreo with pop rocks.

    Had a mini mission for the students at Sam’s.

    Anyhow It’s nearing, no, no it’s past midnight and in the early morning of the seventh so I close shop til tomorrow.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and goodnight you wonderful and supportive readers. May your night be pleasant or the morning swiftly creeping up be gentle with grace and peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Six, April 5th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I found a book today of expressionist. It goes into detail about the start, what impressionism is, and the many varieties and artists that can be categorized as impressionists. And yes, lots of images of paintings, hundreds as a matter of fact.

    It’s an old coffee table book from back when I was a teen that I had taken from my parents home prior to them leaving for Alaska. It was tucked away neatly in the dusty shed of mine, why I put it there, I can only think it was due to size and not having a bookcase with cubbies tall enough to cradle it.

    The Impressionists by Gabriele Crepaldi

    Anyhow, about that job I mentioned yesterday and why I’m bringing the Impressionism book up. To start off, the job was a scam. I had been doing applications left and right and upon the first inquiry was elated about the prospective job offer, but I hesitated. Only for a moment and went on to do an interview and then…was told to copy and paste an invoice for a list of products I’d order and that would be used for the job. However I needed to send the invoice then get a check from the accounting office cash that into my bank account and then proceed in acquiring the products on said invoice list. I thought it be an odd start, but the staring hourly amount was enough I kept going. But I mentioned this situation to my wife who immediately smashed the bubble of happiness about the prospective job calling it a scam.

    In retrospect, I feel that I knew it, there was just something motivating about the prospect of my own monetary gain on my own account, but the details became not only red, but flaming torch red and scalding not only my pride, but certainly that Id we all have.

    So I marked the emails as spam, reported the company, and hoping one of the many applications attempted in will bring virtue. Fingers crossed right? But then that Impressionism book, why bring it up? Right? Yes. Why?

    Well I’ve been running steady with this blog finally, since January 1st, I have posted a few short stories, some poetry, and a wide range of art. While also doing a small amount of Instagram drops…but then an idea came and I’d very much like a response on this.

    Would you like art with explanation and a showing of how?

    Given I have  Smoldering MS, I thought It’d be a fun way of showing how my brain is affected and how seeing the visual depiction of a painting may not result in anything like what was originally shared from an impressionist of the past. Id also share how I work, my products and start sharing videos of the art studio. What do you say?

    Let me know please and I greatly appreciate the candor or any other suggestions.

    Pierre-Auguste Renoir – Dance at Bougival
    Pierre-Auguste Renoir – Girl with Straw Hat
    Claude Monet – Water Lilies

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and goodnight you lovely and cherished readers and supporters.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Five, April 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello all of you lovely supporters and readers.

    How are you? How is your Thursday afternoon? How is life?

    I ask this because today I woke up thinking damn, I’m in a lot of pain from doing yard work yesterday, I think I’m gonna take it easy after Pestie spraying.

    Okay well I was totally going to talk about getting a job exactly a month after losing the previous one which personally I thought was coincidentally perfect, but let’s talk about Pestie

    Pesties. Literally the best DIY pest control provider hands down. Growing up I was a massive fan of orkin given Southern Colorado and we’ve got a lot of roaches here in Pueblo depending on the moisture and well if you’ve got dogs they like the protein. However, using Pesties the last two years, has kept my house and domain critter free, ant-free, any little creepy crawly kind of bugger is no more and it makes life fantastic. Personally what I think is the coolest thing about this company, is the simple fact that they specially curate the cocktail that is given for the spray. So if you live in Wisconsin or wherever else in the US, Pestie curates the ingredients for your location and the problem critters that are at that location. I assure you based on personal trial and success it works and it works very very well. Another cherry on top of that is that if you end up finding critters in the household after spraying they will happily adjust and pay it back with an additional bag and no extra cost.

    I just wanted to cover something that I find is a great product, so by all means do check out Pestie.

    Link: https://pestie.com/

    To any of you readers and all of your readers I really do hope that you guys find that Pestie is as awesome as I’m making it sound because it really is. Just praising a good product and business

    Life, it’s an odd one, more and more I’m realizing talking is unneeded, communicating within my home b serves little purpose as of late and…I’m trying to balance that and my typical routines and how I go about my living with siphoning off the use of tongue and lip is…trying.

    So says Life.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight to you all, thank you for the support, the reading, and I hope to see you coming again. Have a lovely one to all.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Four, April 3rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I hope you are all well. 

    It’s funny, you may think I don’t mean that genuinely, but I do, life is too f****** short in this world for us to not show our gratitude, our favor, our respect, and the genuine appreciation for breathing living and making the world go round. Not that humanity has anything to do with the motion of the oceans the sky or anything, well except for those chemtrails, hahaha.

    Anyhow life is too short truly truly truly life is too f****** short for us to get on the high horse and feel wronged by someone so far away they have nothing to do with us write it by justifications or a variable that you were aiming on using as a refuting towards what have you, it’s too f****** short. I tried to live my 24-hour day today as fully as possible the other day I was a bit late sorry. But on the other days like today, I get so enveloped in what I’m trying to do or succeed with that that’s it. And then later on down the road when I’m wanting to do something else I’m realizing I just exhausted the fuel and energy that my body had retained and now I’m just trying to catch up and that chase is equivalent to chasing your own tail.

    Life is too short. Embrace it, enjoy it, be grateful for the air you breathe the water you drink and then sensations that you get to feel every day. I find myself stuck in a house, and I use that language intentionally, I am here because I want to be here, I am here because I want to provide what I can for my wife, for my son, and for those that I can provide for in this domain. It’s not that I am literally stuck, it’s a matter of knowing things that need to be put on the back burner, things that need to be focused on, things that need to be helped or let us say fixed. So I take the time and I put the effort in and I make sure the effort is seen for myself, because really really what am I going to do waste my life trying to make everybody else happy that ever ever going to work for anybody? I don’t know there is a lot in life, a lot in life that none of us know or at least we don’t understand fully, and we have choices to either trust the people we love or at least hope for the best in the people that we do love. Anyhow, I will be dropping some poetry later today some more additions apply to the face I shared yesterday, and I have two short stories however the memoirs I move things around in a really odd way where I really got to fix that.

    Remember life is too short to hate, life is too short to be angry about everything in the world, life is too short to not be able to just breathe and appreciate the fact that you are breathing. How awesome is it, that your body without having to tell itself, is doing everything you’re doing right now without you telling it to, don’t you think that’s amazing? There’s something Beautiful about the mundane, that fine line of reality that can’t be mitigated by us and is simply moving like time, though time is a construct created by man, it’s forever going just as the sun and the moon. For as long as man has been on this planet the Sun and the Moon have been there but I know doing of anything by You Me or any ancestral past it from any of us. How awesome is it that so many of the things in life like a beautiful scene while driving or animals out in the wild flowers blooming insects buzzing birds chirping we have nothing to do with that that’s just life living that’s just living life, isn’t that beautiful? Another reason why I say life is too damn short, embrace it enjoy it live it breathe it and be it.

    I apologize this isn’t someone on a soapbox, there’s just something I don’t see a lot of people enjoy or appreciate and I kept having to remind myself yesterday and hell all through today even of that reality and how simple it is and how graceful I am for being able to wake each day, feel, the pain burning on my back, but there’s a sweetness that is added with that bitterness of that pain and I revel in knowing I’m alive. In knowing that you are alive, knowing the world is alive, this spherical monumentous Rock and its perpetual motion continuing to spin, spin, and spin while you breathe, I write, and we read. How beautiful is that?

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, forever a good morning and good night. And you truly hope you are well, and truly do I hope that your day and night is grateful and effortless in bringing peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Three, April 2nd, 2024

    Hello and s*** hi-ho I’m late. So damn late.

    So sorry it’s been a rough few days, feet literally dragging, lagging, I’m staring off into nothing and painting the things that trouble my mind.

    A Face by M. R. Vega (In Production)

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night, so sorry for the late post. The MS has been kicking my ass, I will be back fresh tomorrow peace dear readers,thank you.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Two, April 1st, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello

    Happy April 1st, the start of a new month, a tad after the start of the spring but still I think you get the gist,rather related, how about you?

    92 days into my project and I’m just now gathering that my site is shite, and I have a lot to narrow in focus. I’m going to stay home father, student, artist, writer, producer of what have you and I tumble, and I tend to trip over my thoughts and the planning and in doing so lose sight of the projects. I want to share all the music that I journey through on Spotify, I want to share the myriad, scratch that, the loads of Cinema and shows that I enjoy as well as the repeated viewings of stuff that I know gets a lot of flack like Rick and Morty or Corner Gas or Hannibal and I would love to talk about those things. I would love to talk about artists, musicians, and writers. But then I trip and I overthink it.

    Anyhow I’m going to try to do what I can to edit the essay that I have turned that in tomorrow morning after that I’m going to do everything I can to really maintain a set plan for what I’ll be bringing to the blog on a regular what avenues I’ll be peering into and sharing from those and really really trying to wrap up the site into a type of magazine or I don’t know art site op-ed site. Anyhow I am out I have had a long day a lot of cleaning in the house a lot of folding a lot of laundry and I am going to take it easy tonight.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night you wonderful readers and supporters, I do hope that your day and night is peaceful calm and more than gentle. I will see you tomorrow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-One, March 31st, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho

    Happy holiday! That is to anybody celebrating Easter happy holiday. I hope your Sunday is going well mine is filled with goodies, sweets, ham, turkey, and just enjoying the weekend as it is officially the ending of Spring Break. We took the time to enjoy and love the time together.

    To which is something I know I brought up in multiple posts. It’s the being present, being attentive, conscientious, and involved with the people that you’re connected to, the people that you love, and the people that matter. And I know it seems minute, I know it seems mundane, but there truly is something about that, the upbringing of family and nurturing and aiding, hosting, being there for people when they need you. Though there are times where I fail to miss the mark, or miss the moment of opportunity to assist with my wife, my son, and so on, but most of the time I am there. Right there, ready to help, ready to do what I can to make sure the people I love are attended to in a way their lives are easy.

    I feel that I’m there, I feel that I’m doing an alright job. And it’s funny I’ve been so stressed, so overwhelmed, so dreading something that is non-existent and that is an effort that I thought I truly needed to push, and that was in having a job. This is my job. Not necessarily leave the writing on the blog, but being the father and the husband that I am. The payment is the virtue and the knowing that I’m making sure my son’s life is as gentle and graceful to help him through life. And as a matter of fact this coming year fall 2024 I will officially have become his dad – friend as he likes to put in his talker, and his teacher. Which in all honesty, I feel that it’s a good time, he’ll be 12, and dealing with the hormones as well as a myriad of other things growing up being a young man comment I’m grateful that I get the opportunity and time to teach him how to clean teach them how to take care of what is his, his environment, himself, and others. It’s something truly I’m looking forward to and I know this is a weird post on Sundays but that’s how I feel and yeah I’m realizing that I am putting on a lot of weight with this the generalized and very heat archaic ideas that being a man means having to have a job when that’s not what being a man means at all being a man means standing up for what is right when you know it’s right, being there for the ones that need you, and acknowledging failures as well as addressing failures and making sure to pay with appropriate retributions.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. To you readers I truly, truly hope you the best, hope that your day and everything continuing on for you and yourself is beautiful and amazing and I will talk to you tomorrow or at least post.

    Like, share, and follow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety, March 30th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    I’d like to take a moment to apologize.

    I impatiently took to writing, posting and continued without giving much a thought, I didn’t think to look back at the site, to change the few pages on there, to categorize the lot of what’s been produced as of now. I wanted to write, to talk, to communicate with something, or someone.

    I was talking with my good friend John today while we went over the memoirs, life, more editing, more memoir plans, and conversation of life and life. He’s acquired a nickname, it’s LF and stands for Lucky F*****. We joke about it while driving for breakfast and looking for a parking spot, he asks how life is, how I’m hiding my time, what’s keeping me busy, am I applying anywhere, any luck with the law firm situation? And I find myself lamenting silently while I choke on the questions and the scalding coffee I forgot to let cool. Though I am moved by his concern and troubled too, not because I don’t appreciate it, but because I don’t have these conversations with anyone anymore. What I want to do is ramble but try to think methodically, conscientiously, and am thorough with what I state.

    I let him in on some truth, some inklings to life here, but try not to give him much, why though? I have a gentleman wanting to converse, bring inquiries, and showing concern, but I’m also wanting to pull myself out of the house to breathe if just for a moment. And to a specific reader, this means nothing but exactly that. I do still work with John, I try to maintain that work and not enjoy the effortlessness that is available if I choose to because I also want to be back home in a bit. But again this is a friend, one of one, and I keep simple. And try to turn the conversation back to the memoirs. But I need to remember to address the questions through the few hours we’ll spend together, through the organization and outline mitigation we tend to do each month to keep on track. 89 pages down now, 132 left to edit and likely another 200 plus left depending on the motivation John has in what to share.

    But like I’ve said the 80/20. I’m a work-from-home, stay-at-home dad, I rarely talk to my brothers and the one I do tend to talk to hasn’t been around for a while. And that 80/20 is associated with my wife and I have to be conscious of that and what that entails so, John and I talk, I tell him how the MS is going, how school is, when the Masters will start, my hopes, worries, and how the screaming from my son this morning is still rattling in my head.

    It’s like talking to a dad and I’m comforted by the ease of it and the familiarity with him, we make a good team and the last year and three months has been a blessing.

    Anyhow I apologize for the lack of effort for the site and will make sure I make some much needed changes the next couple weeks, by all means please do comment, like, share, and follow readers.

    Signing out.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, Good morning and good night readers may you have a beautiful day to come.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Nine, March 29th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    It’s almost the end of spring break. And it has been a rather joyous and relaxing week. Got to find out that my son likes knocking down the clown at Pizza ranch, really enjoys the penguins at the zoo, and loves going on little tiny grocery trips by simply grabbing a Walmart canvas bag with a smile.

    And as a parent, it is one of the most exciting things to be able to watch. And honestly it’s one of the most rewarding, regardless of the autism and whatever other crap we were told were going to be issues, to see my son be able to understand what he’s doing is wrong and apologize in the ways he does melts my heart. And I’ve come to find that the few things that I wanted in my life ever since I could remember, I’ve managed to keep.

    Not being funny, but real talk. Three of the biggest things I wanted in my life were One: to be a husband, Two: be a dad, and Three: to be a writer. And though I fail at a lot of things in my life, I feel that I have finally started towards my path and solely the path of that I made sure would eventually find me. Has stated previously, not a fatalist, but god damn is it freaking easy to see things line up when they do line up.

    I’m grateful, I’m grateful to be able to be here and write to you the reader, I’m grateful to be alive and breathe in the chilled air, and I am more than grateful to be able to rest in a peaceful home where my little guy and my wife are. I am grateful. And with that as it is Friday turning into Saturday morning I will say goodbye for today.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you very much reader, readers, your support is more then appreciated and I truly wish you Joy and peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Seven, March 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    That 80/20 I brought up yesterday, still trying to figure that out was the 80 for being together 20 leave me alone, or vice versa. Pretty sure it’s the vice versa pretty much sure she wants to be left alone 80% of the time and will only be wanting me the around her 20% of time

    Who knows, recently I found a couple articles about the stay-at-home problems I can come to light, and though I feel that I’m genuinely part of the family and a part of her life it does make me nervous because my everything is invested into taking care of my son and being there, as well as attentive for both my wife and my boy to the point where I will make sure that I’m present I won’t have a phone on me, I will simply be patiently waiting there so waiting to be needed or, help her, cleaning up a mess or, life.

    The biggest thing is one: I’m not single, two I’m nearly done with school and wanting to head on after for my masters in teaching, and three: I’ve got the memoirs and this small blog sites going for me as well, however I do need to acknowledge that WordPress site really needs some more updates and really getting into it where you can actually tell I gave the time and picked up the knowledge to do WordPress and site page appropriately and correctly so you can communicate, you can ask questions and I can maintain. I guess that’s what I’m going for right?

    Back to the 80/20, now if we’re talking 80/20 in matters of beef, I’d say “can I have the 93/7”, trust me, less crud, less issues to deal with down the road after the beef’s been cooked. But then that makes me think, really, is she asking 80% of the time she’s wanting not anything to do with me, genuinely and honestly to be kind of blipped out of the picture and then 20% of the time there for to call me. Or am I being absurd, selfish, stingy with time? Probably. I guess it just gives me more time to focus on the backyard, the office, art, and this.How can you balance that? More so, how do you balance that and maintain a healthy and well managed marriage/relationship?

    So many questions, too little time…

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night wonderful readers, may your day be gentle your night adorned with grace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Six, March 26th, 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    For any of you who are married or have been involved with your partner for over five years plus, I bring a question. How much time is to be allotted for the couple?

    My biggest reason for this being dropped a tad later than I had wanted was due to a discussion that was had on the Tuesday, the 26th, about 80/20 time.

    I was perplexed, and honest, I find myself confused still, and at a divided path for thought when thinking about not just myself, because, well, I can’t, I’m married and it’s not just me in the mix with life and the pursuit. But then comes a loaded question atop the previous; how much time is a partner supposed to keep available for one another?

    My answer received yesterday was 80/20, the conversation went like this: “Could I help with anything, d’ya need anything from the kitchen before I leave the room?”

    “I didn’t say I needed anything, god stop bugging me.”

    “I was just asking.”

    “You asked and I answered, I guess my answer just wasn’t what you wanted.”

    *scoff* “sorry, I wasn’t meaning to annoy, just thought you’d appreciated it if I had asked.”

    “You did and I answered, just stop, you’re bugging me.”

    I became more than rife with fretting and a concern that has been lingering here for a minute as I see the minute inquiries, and small concerns issued are seeming to push and push with little or no friction previously. So I ask this:

    How is this going to work then Love? I want to be here for you helping, not trying to bug, but I want to get a good idea how that looks, one day you want me on you, the next you want me further than a ten-foot post can reach. What is it?

    “80/20.” she smiles thinking it’s nonchalant, maybe it is. Maybe it means nothing. Personally I’m troubled, it’s spring break, and I thought…I thought the week would be panning out differently, thought there’d be moments of us working together, working to be together but no, silence and shushing because I talk too much, ask too many questions and bother enough that the answer is 80/20.

    Perplexed and exhausted. I’m going to go do some research about revitalizing and communication to see what steps to take to try to figure out what the f*** to do. The 80/20 crap has me feeling anxious and lost with what we are, especially now.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and good night you beautiful souls, thank you for reading, we’ll talk soon.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Five, March 25th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    Good news, good news, Stuck Pt. 2 will be published at 6:30 a.m. MTN tomorrow morning. Now to anyone reading it wasn’t intended to be what it became, it was going to be a manifestation that was created by the turmoil his marriage and life had developed.

    As of now I’m teetering on two moves. One is changing Mrs. Nogare s story to be a three to five parter. The second move is to create what’s being written in Stuck to be a murder, mystery chase. I don’t know yet we’ll see.

    Anyhow, I hope your Monday is beautiful and the coming Tuesday to be a gift. I hope like to be the same. I’m signing out. Have some memoirs to clean up and more editing for school I need to take off the back burner.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and good night, may you all have a glorious day ahead of you with grace and gentleness to follow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Three, March 23rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’m trying to neglect the multiple sclerosis as much as possible knowing that eventually it will get the best of me.  I’m nervous that it’s what I exude and partially what I represent and only that at the worst of times. I feel that there is a thwarting of the familiar that I’m anxiously awaiting to happen. I find it daunting, and the few that I talk to seem annoyed, distant more than intended. And whether they’re actually annoyed or not is to be determined, but when I see the notorious eye-roll after dropping something, or fumbling into a wall, or not catching cues that previously I’ve been known to catch, it’s like a slight slap in the face. I’d like to say I know they mean well, but it’s more a hope than anything else.

    Honest, there are days though that are so much better than a large portion of others, take for example: a typical new week.

    Days – Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are okay, decent, the fatigue isn’t as daunting and present. Thursday comes with complete exhaustion, a fatigue that’s not only unbearable but offers a willingness to not do anything, because the body doesn’t want to move. Friday, nearly the same, but it’s hungry, that is the body’s hungry, and the mind stares at the television ignoring the issues, the health, because in all honesty the complaints come with questioning, a queer interpretation of over worrying instead of just taking care of what is present to the patient.

    But then there comes a call to myself, a call to take accountability, make an effort and push for communication. I feel that I let in too many distractions to maintain focus. My mind drifts to Henry Sugar and the black wick, drifts to writing, drifts to editing, to composure of being what I’m aiming to be.

    Stuck Pt. 2 will be published this Sunday.

    I’m late on my post I apologize it’s been busy I’ve been tired and neglecting getting a full night’s rest as I should try to maintain. I often find that the four to five and a half hours do me well, most of the time it feels that the right hour sleep schedule is too long, and consumes too many opportunities available.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night gentle readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Two, March 22nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    Quote for Thought:

    “Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

    –Marcus Aurelius

    Not knowing what your age is, reader, do you feel that you are where you belong? When looking at life, regardless of the age, do you consider you are ahead of your time or are things taking too long? Or is it genuinely starting to feel like things are beginning to fall into place?

    I wouldn’t label myself a fatalist, at least, I don’t carry an illusionary hook to finding meaning with everything…but then again maybe it’s something that can’t be ignored. Life has been heavy with loss, weighted by anxieties, confusion, and feeling more than alone, lately in more areas than realized, I’m successful. 33 and I have a home, a family, school isn’t going too horribly and it’s my senior year, the memoir work, being able to produce what I do and having the freedom to do so. It’s more than a pleasure. So far the monetary gain has been nearly moot but I still love being able to do it. I found that the quote below fits well with the intention and direction I aim toward.

    I think of what has brought me here, what steps have been made, steps denied, and how choices created have brought a beneficial change for me. It is with making sure my intention and personal accountability is attributed with my every waking hour. I try with deep regard to make sure my choices have been thought through, my questions reworked to not create issue and my hopes are that I’m aiming true and sincere.

    Guess that’s all we could hope for right?

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight beautiful readers, I’ll share progress of art this Saturday and maybe drop Stuck pt. 2 Sunday so be on the lookout readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-One, March 21st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    So today I took some opportunities to take some shots of my Lobo. He is a Great Pyrenees and since getting him as a Christmas gift from my sister, he has brought a lot of calming to my heart. Meet Lobo.

    Lobo – days after Christmas.

    That doesn’t mean to say that when he gets rambunctious and excited with the squirrels he doesn’t drive me insane, but I do love this guy a lot.

    A night of snow and dog slobber.
    Looking like he’s Loving life.

    He’s about a year old now. Weighs about a hundred pounds, it is about just as tall as me if not taller when on his hind quarters and boy do I love the big puppers. Much more than I’d felt for any other dog since I was a kid. Sorry Em. I don’t know, it almost feels like we were meant for each other. But that’s cheesy and I know it, so I just try to cherish the time.

    We were graced with a pit terrier a bit after the start of our marriage and birth of our little boy, she was a rescue from the pound and her name was Emily, more than anything she was my wife’s dog, and sadly we had lost her last year.

    R.I.P. Emmie

    What’s cool though now is that Lobo has become a formidable force in the home, not due to size so much, but the relationship he and my son have been building. Turns out Lobo with his double dos, is highly attached to him, My boy screams with frustration, Lobo will respond, if he’s screaming happy, he responds with a wag and a growool and then they have their silent pac. Given my son is nonverbal, whether it’s that or whether it’s just there’s something about the size that has connected with my son I don’t know but I love watching them. Lobo will slowly impatiently observe and stay but a foot or two away and just watch him, and then they’ll switch sides and they’ll watch each other Lobo will go running off chasing Oreo or shih Tzu terrier and this is giggling watching them and watching Lobo as intently as possible. Anyhow I’ve yet to start taking him on walks given he is still within the 2-year age of growing and I don’t want his joints or anything messed up I know that he’s good here in our yard then he loves the house, I tell him go to his room and he goes right to where it is he knows what it is and I love that. For being a Great Pyrenees and with the generational situation that creates Great Pyrenees since they can’t be mixed with other dogs to make a Great Pyrenees I’m very much surprised with his adaptability and the intentions of his he likes making us happy and I think my family has truly embraced him being here. So I am running out of time I need to get this up before I miss my dates I’m editing right now. So sorry for a late post everyone.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night my wonderful readers that I am truly thankful for, please rest easy.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty, March 20th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Good evening readers. Today is going to be a short one. A poem and a painting that is still in production, but given the tooneyness of it, I was wanting to share it here before I post it to my IG account.

    Voice  by: M. R. Vega

    A voice steady and confident, a voice steady with reason. A voice that echoes from history, from the dawn of light, from dark, but does it touch? Does it push and sway, does it recoil with doubt from a conviction that stands resolute? A voice quivers, a frailty, continuous and whining, a voice weak and losing. The confidence waivers, trembles, and slides away. A voice nearly non-existent, weak and weaker, a voice trembles from the indistinguishable darkness, it shakes, it quivers, and slides away to the nothing inside. A voice drifting, a voice, adrift, a voice far away, a voice so silent it ceases to exist. A voice no more, a voice never.

    I like to call myself artistic, I don’t call myself an artist per se however I have made profit off of what I’ve created and continue to create. What I’m sharing with you is a bit of a change as I’m not using a plain base, and background, because like a lot of stories we don’t get that background until we’re a good three or four chapters in, or when watching a show episode 3 or 4, it’s then that we start getting the details to what is driving the force or the character. My paintings, and really any of my art is as original as it can be, I try very hard not to look at other artists and then go and do my own art based off of what I had seen. I try not to pull from anything other than what’s in my head. And honestly sometimes those images either give a very clear image of what’s actually going on with my brain getting eaten by itself or does a good job of relating how I’m actually feeling. So with that long explanation, my apology, I present a work still in production.

    Don’t Miss         by: M. R. Vega

    It’s produced on a watercolor canvas, size 32″ x 24″ using Caran D’ache NEOCOLOR II AQUARELLE. But I’m sharing what was solely two and a half hours of minor sketching without water, and then taking some watercolor brushes and starting again, I am excited to see what I can produce tomorrow, depending on how busy I get, I am waiting for a call and we’ll see. I think the biggest reason I felt like sharing it, is it’s more cartoon than I had intended, I did want big eyes, just not cartoon Looney tunes kind of big, but given the strange screen that protruded from the eye of the mouth kind of sets its own precedence. What are your thoughts? Should I widen the eye? Define the screen base more? We’ll see.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night wonderful readers, may you have a blessed and gorgeous day whether ending or to come.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Nine, March 19th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Don’t you think it’s funny that we rely on routine so often, yet when the routine tends to show a hindering of our own creativity, we tend to hate on that routine? With the painful admission and acknowledgment on my planner having to remove my dates for payments, dates for in and out, for lunches, having a scratch all that out I was more than elated to find that I had plenty left to do.

    My Passion Planner

    The above image is of course the passion planner that I use daily, there are days hell even weeks and the occasional months where I completely lose focus and I’m not going to use those images. Hahaha. I tend to kind of take a sharpie to those times and then address at the very end of how disappointing the outcome was for that lack of initiative that I took. This isn’t one of those weeks thankfully.

    After getting fired the way I did, I was flummoxed, I was confused, and more than irritated. I did take care of the matters as best as I thought I could, I really hope I didn’t do it the wrong way. I am talking with a law firm waiting for the investigation to continue and see what ends up happening. To which, on that note, I didn’t think I’d deal with reporting discrimination. Yeah it’s one thing to get teased growing up, it’s another thing to get picked on by family, uncles, and brothers. It’s very much a different reality when it’s affecting not only your person but your income.

    But I’m realizing while looking at readers that continue to come to my site, they’re organized, they are connected to a myriad of social routes that will help them access further readers and touch more. So yeah in my planner there’s a little bit here a little bit there are you dressing some things that need to be done, what I really need to do though is pull my head out of my ass, and really pinpoint the issues that could be helped to make dream dark stories continuing prospect. I just need to do more research, focus more on what will bring Dream Dark Stories to the forefront for my focus and to further my goal while also maintaining how I want to be as a husband and as a father and as a student.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night to you wonderful readers may have a beautiful and pleasant day to come or let It be the night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Eight, March 18, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Quote:

    “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”

    –Seneca

    I take stock of my life, I take stock of what is to come, and hesitantly breathe through the day by day. Difficulties certainly can strengthen, given I’m not Seneca, and personally though I agree with a quote, doesn’t mean it strengthens the mind every circumstance. Life is difficult, and yeah life throws us as many lemon, saw blade, trampoline, dybbuk box, what have you. Life throws us many a variety of circumstances and it is definitely a strengthening when facing these adversities, sometimes though the mind and body tire. Monday my least favorite of the days, I’m faced with challenges, difficulties, and what I choose to do is doodle, and play with my son, play video games together, you sweets together and relax. I’ll put to the planning and the organization to Tuesday I’ll share my passion planner plans and a week’s set of ideal steps forward I guess. As for today I’m going to sign out.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night wonderful readers. May You Have a Beautiful Day.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Seven, March 17th 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    I will be writing most of the day, my hopes are that I’ll be able to drop this story hopefully Monday morning I was hoping tonight, but given I’ve got some other things I’ve got to have edited, as well as my son and I like spending some quality time with my family, even if we’re completely silent and just staring at a screen. I like taking the time to just be with my family.

    However the thoughts are rambling in my head, I’ve got some editing to do before I drop my story, I have got some reading to do for school given that that course is starting tomorrow and I am more than excited.

    Getting to get into the American narratives and how the puritanical push drove writers especially that of Edgar Allan Poe and how the tropes, and poetry fit steadily into the depths that we find writers like Poe and Jackson with that very subtle effect of using such a gentle tether latched to religion. I’m excited, more than curious about what lessons and what readings will be acquired, or required, I tend to buy a lot of books when I do these courses, let’s see which ones I don’t already have. Be talking to you guys tomorrow I do hope you all a pleasant day and a pleasant end of the weekend and I hope your Monday morning start is beautiful and blessed. This is not a religious statement this is more a spiritual statement you believe in what you want to believe I believe in what I want to believe let’s meet in the middle and respect each other’s space.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night I do wish you all pleasantness and joy may you rest easily gentle readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Six, March 16th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    This will be a quick one. It is Saturday I am tired I’m irritated and really hoping that this next week I will actually get contacted from some lawyers about the egregious firing. And I also realize that kids do not talk the way I have Randall’s character talking.

    I know that last sentence mentioned is completely out of left field however I do have a short story that I really really hope after rectifying some language, should be published by end of Sunday hopefully within the day of Sunday.

    From what my wife is telling me students readily talk, they’re afraid to lick you in the eye, they don’t think talking means anything anymore, they shrug, they ignore, or they think the question doesn’t need an answer.

    This is off to me, it’s perplexing in the oddest form, I never thought kids could get to the point where they’re nearly mute. And it’s not that they are mute, they of course talk with their friends, they talk with their peers, they talk with people they like, however for some reason adults are not just an enemy, we’re the paradigm of total evil and neglecting anything that kids are apparently. At least that’s what the behavior and their demeanor shows.

    Which brings a question; do I want to write the way I hope people communicate or do I want to write in the truest faction of this is how people are. My hopes are that people are genuine, people are thoughtful and conscientious. But I have to pause because are humans, is humanity at a point where it’s the general population that feels that way or is it just a few that feel that way?

    Meaning are there loads of people that just hate and are angry and would rather cloud and muddie the waters and get everybody confused and try to stir the boiling and force the mess? Or, and I mean this with true sincerity, is the larger whole, a people that wants to be fair, true, honest, positive, supportive, encouraging, loving, loving, loving, please tell me that there is more of the light than there is of the dark. Because it’s one thing going through the news and reading darkness and reading this crap and this s***** thing that happened to somebody it’s a whole other thing to find out that the world is just heading to that direction and there’s no way to stop it.

    I know the site is dream dark stories but it was meant for those dark dreams that strive in us to find the light whether it be with in dream or outside into the real world where we can actually control it and make a difference whether for ourselves or for others.

    C’est La vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good Morning and Goodnight.

    Nosce Te Ipsum