I’ve certainly been off of my game, these posts are so late, the playlists lacking…ooof, not good, not good.
It’s maddening. Silencing, numbing, with a daunting hesitance that calls to my pausing. I hold my breath, and wait for the chips to fall, at least that’s what it feels like I’m doing everyday with this anxious anticipation. However, I do feel that I’m starting to find a balance that will hopefully bring a gracious change. My fingers are crossed, I’m trying to be positive about it.
ENJOI!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you for your visit, thank you for the support and I hope you well.
So today may be a bit testy, to address pillar one and two of Carl Jung’s goals for happiness, I have some thoughts.
And these, hopefully are well received thoughts.
Now, to say that one should figure out who they are first, to then find love, successes, and to start dreaming, knowing who you/they are and understanding who that is, is certainly a fundamental aspect of life. However, it’s not something that can be figured out in just a day. It’s not something that takes or can be figured out within a matter of a week or two. I feel a lot of us rush, and a lot of us aim for adulthood, being progressive and moving ahead quickly enough that you’re not falling on your face. I feel that a lot of us are kind of in this perpetual ouroboros that has the same effect, that end, that same start, again and again. And then we just keep choosing to see it as something else because we don’t want to make the steps of change.
Because the matter of fact is, life is time consuming and life is time. Everything takes time. This means those people you love, the people that you’re close to, that you’re tight with, it is time that you take the time to know who they are. To know who you are because of them, to know how you affect them, to know that you matter for them towards them and about them. And this isn’t some kind of manipulative psycho baby reindeer kind of way, it’s just a matter of showing the people that matter, that you give a f***.
I don’t know, there’s something that matters there in being present, even if just for a moment. Saying hello, maybe giving a quick hug, hand shake, blowing a kiss or signing thank you at one another. There’s something about that personable transaction among people that gets me giddy. How could it not? The world, as dark as it’s been lately, is a cherished piece of life, and chance, hope and prospect, and I hang to the virtues that are within these because I think humanity can be good, but I also feel that it’s a matter of opinion. A matter of wanting it or denying it.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you kind readers and supporters, til tomorrow, may the night and day be blissful, cherished and bright!
I should have more than what I have, more written that is, life is I wouldn’t say crazy, I wouldn’t say anything insane, it’s grasping it in the right place that’s difficult. You hear people say “grab the bull by its horns”, come back to me after you try. Let me know how that goes.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d try at it, give it a go, know what I mean? Maybe. You think about it, and logistically speaking, grabbing a bowl by its horns, there are so many outcomes where I’d rather take the time investigating the possibility in numbers of what can happen than actually face a repercussions. I’ve seen a few men’s faces I’ve been smashed by a bull’s horns that’s not something I want. There was this guy JR, back in the day married and divorced an auntie of mine. And another guy whose name I can’t recall but he did his face didn’t mean a bull his face meant a tree trunk like one of the pieces of the lower branches thick his face ran into that in the darkness riding an ATV. Doesn’t seem like something that I would happen to appreciate happening in my life. At least people I’ve seen has stated above didn’t seem like they were all hunky dory all the time. Anyway I know this is short brief no music today I am realizing I’m wasting too much time making playlists, and trying to figure out what I’m going to say that it’s I’m losing myself and what I’m trying to bring to the blog and I apologize for that.
Don’t get me started on apologies. That’s a spell of its own.
But that’s all I have today, I’ll get back into the pillars tomorrow and the day after I think I was supposed to do that today, but sometimes I forget.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you fantastic supporters and readers till tomorrow, may the night, may the morning, may the day be grace.
The days are struck with a burn that stands still, permeating through the soil, breathing through the walls. It leaves this desire to fly away, if only I had wings.
I would like to address something having to do with my stories given the name o f the site is about just that.
Part Three is being revisited as well as rewritten, I have Part Four also in lieu and tow. As I stated in previous posts, I am trying to take care of my mental health and trying to make sure that what I write isn’t a reflection of what I’m dealing with currently. But more the story that I’ve been writing and editing and rewriting since 2011. That said I am still creating art and more editing, and doing all else, I’m just trying to take care of myself and find the aspects that leave me with very little friendship. But that’s for another time, I’ll be back Thursday with more of an update depending on life.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night day and life be bliss, carry you to a new light. Thank you for the support and following.
As a 34 year old, I’m at the pivotal place within that I feel is in need and far past due for a resetting or at the least a re-evaluating of where my self is, and where I am mentally. What steps are needed to help the progression in myself.
And I kind of laugh at that, the progression that is, because I am progressing further with the multiple sclerosis a more ominously obvious sense of progression.
Maybe that’s just ghoulish humor, but so it goes.
But, then I think of Carl Jung, and the pillars that I’m trying to grasp for myself to better whatever steps and motion I take to doing from here and out.
Pillar one, though I feel I’ve gathered a good grasp of what pillar one means and making sure I am aware and well balanced with a cognizant tether and knowing what my body needs and that of health. So I do take care of my body, I stay hydrated, I eat a good amount of protein and though there are some areas within health, body, and mind that needs some tending I feel I’m getting a good grasp. I’ve got myself a therapist, I’ve got myself a new line of medication and vitamins to help with the MS, and for the first time in a long while, I am starting to see a positive outcome. Now when coming a second pillar though, that has a heavy hand and a sad hand.
ENJOI!!!
My friends are limited, they are certainly a small group if not a solo group, and though I’m not a lone wolf all the time, given my friend is an 85 year old man, I try not to bother him. I’m told it’s okay, “call whenever you want“, but at the same time I’m also coming to this understanding that less is more. And there is something gracious about that for me. On a personal level it’s something that I’m cherishing more and more, I don’t know maybe it’s feeling isolated and alone more and more that has me feeling spirited that way and seeing it in that type of light, but it is what it is and I’d rather wake up with a smile and a decent outlook then scowling at the Sun and Moon everyday.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you readers and supporters. Thank you and may the night and coming day be forever graced with joy and bliss.
I try to take each day as it is. Today though, I had everything prepped, the speakers were all charged, I had a set list of things I had wanted to tackle together, that is, with my daughter.
Again this week is my venturing into discovery for and with ‘good or at least decent personal and intimate relationships, like my marriage, my family, and friends’.
I wanted to have a fun time cleaning with my daughter who had recently graduated and had been staying with us to wrap up the school routine and graduation ceremonies, like calls for band time, awards ceremonies, busy busy.
Sadly though, as I lament, she’d forgotten and then was called in for a band ceremony…that wasn’t for another six, maybe seven hours.
I found myself cleaning alone, which didn’t leave me angry, just…let down, I guess.
The thing is I had planned on having you know a congenial and authentic conversation about belief and spirituality, you know, the thoughts that circle around theories, ideas and life, the morals and ethical grounds.
I genuinely wanted to have a good conversation while we cleaned. And the fact that that wasn’t able to be achieved was more than a let down than I had assumed or presumed would have happened.
But that’s something else I’ve found, the times have changed, dramatically so, there has definitely seemed to be a rift that knocks off the “give a f***” type of attitude. That I think is the saddest prospect of what I’m saying, there is very little care about our actions affecting anybody else other than us, even I as a writer know that whatever I’m writing here can destroy or aid to those who read this. And I need to take accountability for that making sure my words at least have a direction and intention, like a promise.
ENJOI!!!
That’s life though, right? Sometimes you hope and the hopes give to a delight, other times you hope and nothing is brought to the table, to play is empty and stays empty. I guess the difference in being an adult is finding yourself unmoved, unaffected, and resolute still. So we’ll see how day three will be of my Carl Jungs – Pillar Two experiment.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. To all of you, I thank you, I appreciate you, I love the support, and thank you for coming time and again to see what my crazy ass is up to. Thank you.
Well life doesn’t always go the way we expect, does it?
As I have stated prior, today, the plan is to spend a good portion of my Sunday with my good friend John. This is the gentleman that I have been doing the Memoirs with, and the more and more we have been talking of life and the pursuit of just living, I’ve been reminiscent to the past of my own.
I find myself grasping at straws and knowing bits but nothing to be matched to the magnitude of recalling a past like John does. 85 years, and he’s managed to collect most of the memories, unscathed, there’s names mentioned, with an ellipsis following, a showing of recollection just not a full scaled type.
It’s been a pleasure watching him discover himself through writing while also finding moments of superlatives to be had, an aid to the emotion and the lamenting of those lost in his life. But he doesn’t hang his head low, he laughs at the sound of death, jokingly striking the conversation of fears that may encompass life and the next adventure as, ‘it is what it is’.
It’s inspiring to watch an 85 year old man wanting to tell his story while also learning more about himself, learning the way he being who he was, is, and how it affects those around him matter.
Today was just that, we talked. We talked of love, we talked to life, we did do a bit of planning for the memoirs, but overall it was just a communication between Friend and Friend.
When looking at the second pillar and building upon it, while also maintaining an emotional value with an intimacy and empathy to those that are involved with us, is something that furthers that foundation. It stands at a balancing beam, aiding to the rectification of us.
At least that’s what I’m discovering and this is just day one of the week for pillar two this may just be a week kind of ordeal, I am hoping to maybe plan having my brother come over where we can kind of incorporate the conversation to building that fortification, more talk, and a plan on having possibly a day with my wife involved on here, and hoping Monday turns out well but we’ll see I’m going to actually be dropping that sooner than later.
ENJOI!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night.
May the night, the day, the hours in between cross your soul and bring the life forward moving forever toward being better.
I may be broke and broken, but at least I’ve got WordPress, my paints, and a tenacity that itches and digs.
Side note: ADHD is a pain in the ass.
As is MS, but to have the ADHD on top of that is a double whammy.
And it’s certainly, if not obviously, getting worse, hah he he he…
But anyhow, addressing Pillar two. It’s starting this coming week and already I have plans set with John for Sunday. But where we’ll end up I know not, I’m excited though, to see him and talk life, possibly even gander into the memoirs for a bit but…we’ll see.
Monday, my daughter and I are having a cleaning day together (I know, so fun). I’m looking forward to the time, not having my boy getting huffy and needing things put back instantly and being able to clean up well, it is a fun prospect , 😮💨. If you knew how many times these plans are written, scribed and dated, and then nothing happens so… we’ll see. We’ll see how it goes. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday is a family day, as we’re setting up for the Wonka festivities. My wife, the teacher, has been known to have a big shindig the past three years.
She tends to go all out and it’s rather eventful. I’m excited to set it up with her, as it will be the last unless her plans change. Hahahaha, we’ll see though right?
I hate that phrase; the “we’ll see” I feel is so presumptuous, almost alluding to a known or set and planned fail to the itinerary.
Anyways, I apologize this is a very very very late post I am also going to be posting about some other mental health things and possibly addressing medications I’ll be maybe getting on I don’t know we’ll see how much I feel like sharing and how much I don’t. I guess it calls to being tactful right? But I will be posting this shortly, my playlist may be short as will my Sunday post which of course is my Saturday post.
ENJOI!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be joyous, and the night people. Thank you for your support stay safe, I’ll be back tomorrow.
Sometimes it just gets to the point where it’s too much, innit? Whether it be life, whether it be the juxtaposition of school and mind, the dichotomy of life and that of a spouse and you, friend, what have you? Leaving you where, what you’re wanting to do is crouch down, either clench and just squeeze your eyes shut till the silence coaxes the ears, the kind, the soul.
It’s life though, innit. We put ourselves around the people we hope are good for us and that pair well with us; this though changes through the evolution in the self of each of us.
And though there may be some differences with change, some part far from what they were what they intended to become, and resort to a cool comfort that is complacency.
Facing Pillar II under the guise of Jungian theories, I observe and watch, the biggest thing about this is this, I can’t change anyone but me, none of us can change anything but ourselves and how we react to life. Even through relationships, we have a choice, and a call to being accountable for our behaviours and actions.
What I’m realizing is for the second pillar, it calls to that accountability I was mentioning. Who do you invest in time with, where are the flaws being seen, what is making moves with you and reacting in a positive manner? Find what brings light to you and yours what brings a positive reliance of each other together.
ENJOI!!!
I’ll tell you how it goes for me this next week while I reach out to those I do hold close to my heart even if they’re a distance away. Who are the ones where it’s like pulling teeth for conversation, who are the ones where it’s as if life just continued naturally, as if a cognizant relationship with being real connects the lines for you? I bid adieu. I’m very much late with wrapping this up, have a painting glaring at me as he’s not done yet.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to you all, may the day to come the gentle breeze of the hours coax the heart gently caressing you into the night bliss of living.
A call to compromise, to outweigh the solutions and sow the soils, to turn left and exit.
A call to compromise, throw a towel forget the heart and burn to ash.
A call to compromise, shift the weight, play the counter, don’t trip, better not fucking trip.
A call to compromise, did your heart wallow at the stake, did your worry clap and whisper a faint goodbye, that hollow salute?
A call to compromise, did the teeth gnash at the tether of that moral compass.
A call to compromise, how down, don’t question, don’t ask a thing, not a peep, make sure you’re ready.
A call to compromise, never play facetious, always fastidious, salute and bow out.
A call to compromise, don’t diss, don’t reminisce, the past is dead, work here, work now.
A call to compromise, change the being, become the mold, fit the clay or a design that has been lost, remixed, thrown, raped, pillaged, fit the mold, find the clay, wear it well, it do you true.
A call to compromise, don’t matter, try not to stutter, mistakes be gone, don’t ask a question, become the mold, fit the clay find the heart to the design.
A call to compromise, toss the key, throw out the books toss your mind, sell the rest. Pay no mind to being true, a holding to you.
A call to compromise, hear the screams, hear the gate. A call to compromise, where the heart is no more. A call to compromise, where the spirit cannibalized. A call to compromise, take away the being of true, the meaning of you.
A call to compromise, feeling empty, feeling wanted, filling despondent, adrift, barren, bone, and breath.
A call to compromise, give it all, let it be, give it all, give it all, give it all.
Pour for the Mountains by: M. R. VegaGorilla with a Pyramid by M. R. VegaGorilla with a Pyramid by M. R. Vega, 3/4 angle mixed mediums, pour paint acrylic, resin, water colour.Mixed mediums. Enjoi !!!
Walk
By: M. R. Vega
Go, go, go. I know your pain, I get the struggle, like Sisyphus and the stone, go, go, go. Take it to the street, to.
Go to the streets, take to the walk, parallel the city lights and the perpetual motion of the living.
I call the streets like a mandolin leaving breadcrumbs to follow, to inhale for a connect.
Extrapolate the result, a weight to the worry, the heart, stop, stop, just take to a walk, get away.
Go, go, go, feed your heart the flame of what licks and gnashes behind, let go from a past long lost, nothing meant to be repeated, resurrected, revived for consumption, gnash and gnaw talk to the walk, take to go, go, go.
Go, go, go, permeate through the walls, let the salt and mire bore through, take to walk, parallel the city lights, inhale the perpetual motion of the living, and find a hollow ground.
Go, go, go.
Go. Get away.
Who? By: M. R. Vega (in production, acrylic on black canvas)
Enjoi!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the joyous life of the world bless the heart extinguish the grief. May peace find you. Thank you.
Okie dokie everybody, this is going to be tonight’s documentation of exactly what is happening. My wife is fast asleep, the teenager/child/person-who-thinks-they-are-an-adult, and my little guy are also fast asleep. As a matter of fact, even the dogs are asleep, I am now outside in the shed, quietly smoking, with music softly playing. Unbeknownst to me my neighbors (though I should have known, given the f****** neighbor was mowing the lawn this morning and they never do that unless they’re having company), I mentioned this because of the pillar. The second pillar; Good personal and intimate relations, such as those of marriage, family, and friendships. Yeah, that.
I’m grateful that what they’re doing over there, I’m not necessarily a part of, I’m also grateful that I get to more or less observe. However, I’m also doing this from at least 75ft maybe 100 ft away, they’re, I think, in the back patio section of their backyard with a projector, whereas I am on the opposite side of my yard in that shed of mine.
So first I’d like to address that I don’t get it. I get the camaraderie, the affinity for sports and friendship, I guess on the analytic perspective; I don’t get what calls to being around so many people, so many emotions.
And I’m well aware that I’m kind of saying this out of my ass, as the simple fact is I came from a family of seven, with a s*** ton of people on both sides. I love the family reunions, and I love family get togethers, so why is the idea of a bunch of friends getting together to watch a sport something I cannot equate? To me, just the idea of it, makes me uncomfortable.
Hearing the blase type of conversation, heavily supporting one team member to another foe of said team, supportive affirmations and talks back and forth. It doesn’t stimulate my mind and I hate that it doesn’t. What bothers me, is not that I think anything less of them, I just don’t get it, and I used to. I used to play sports, loved playing sports, nowadays the sensation and feelings are just not there. I’d rather watch a show with someone, have a riveting debate over thought and perspective. And I get that this idea that does excite, can translate to a parallel of what I’m questioning, so what has me cringe at the hoots and hollars of praise for a game won?
Maybe, it’s sad, maybe it sucked, maybe it’s just not something that’s interesting to me. I don’t know but it’s still something that has me wondering if I’m broken.
I can’t help but laugh at that, near hysterically, I am broken, in a literal health sense; I am.
The game is won, some apparently lost, though they didn’t play, I question this connection, it’s just a game. Right? And how did someone lose, being on the back patio of a friend, watching a game? It’s rhetorical. I just smile and shake my head.
This is the surprising factor, where, and what changed in my life, that I’m unmoved and only question how?
I continue to smoke, listen to the recaps of game plays, retorts to fans of the losing team, the jeering from the winning team fans, and inquiries for more drinks, more smoke, more, and more.
Maybe this is loneliness; perhaps this is depression, feeling isolated, withdrawn, sad, f***.
Whoa, okie-dokie, this is something to get a bit more investigative here and peel back at what I’m questioning and why, I guess.
Finding some resolve for my second pillar is going to take time. Lots…
Enjoi!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, I do know I have Forget-Me-Naught Pt. 4, it’s being edited and will be in the morning as will more art and poetry. Thank you and may the day carry you swiftly and gently.
Forgive my losing track for a moment or two. Still very much on Pillar One taking a bow with it, and moving on to Pillar Two; Good personal and intimate relations, such as those of marriage, family, and friendships…has me feeling…well like this. ⬇️
This is a challenge, to say the least; I know so few, and the family I have near are over their heads in things to be done, surely exhausted and likely wanting time to themselves more than together. And of course this is an assumption, but I come with a weight. I’m the house spouse, at least as of late, and having lost the last two due to the MS makes the trials of finding a new and good job that much more difficult. That said, I come with but company, and conversation, a touch of art, some story telling, maybe.
Here’s the thing, something happened a little over a year ago probably longer actually, that disrupted my comfort, and has in essence created a variation of me that is more than fearful just being outside. And I don’t mean being outside in the backyard with the dogs, I mean being out, I just went to the store on a walk, and the entire time had this nervous anxiety that followed. A pressure and fear that if I saw someone and they wanted to hug, talk, if not my wife, I better just walk away as fast as possible.
That wasn’t me, I know we are destined to change, and I encourage change, I challenge you to change to be a better person as a matter of fact. Which is why I have this blog. That’s why I’ve been writing. And what I’ve noticed in just the last month addressing health and wellness for the first pillar of Jung’s, there comes a great lamenting in realizing there are so many parts to who we are in ourselves, that when you find these bits and pieces that you’ve destroyed or you’ve let others destroy of you, it changes the variables. And it makes life extremely easy to retreat, become a hermit, and the agoraphobia is more and more enticing than it should be.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning you beautiful souls, good morning and good night. May the day be ever joyous, and may the night carry you swiftly and gently through the night.
I come today with something short, brief, and encapsulating things figured and the humor or, I guess we can call it irony. But then again there’s context… A nuance to the whole of what I share today. So to start with I was an odd kid, I had friends most definitely, some were decent, some were brief, others ruinous. And oddly the memories are not of friends, the thing I’m going to talk about today it’s not connected to the friends that were my age, which I find odd.
The thing is though once middle school started I noticed that it was more than easy to talk to an adult, it was easier to convey the perspective and the ideas with those that were not my peers…hahaha, though there were a handful of people the same age that somewhat got it, somewhat understood the humor or direction of what the conversation entailed. But for some odd f****** reason when it came to talking to teachers especially the English ones, talking was effortless.
It was the start of actually feeling like I was in the skin I belonged in. There was this ability in being able to relate with something outside of me and the understanding of the nuances within storytelling, the riveting displays of character, theme, environment, sociological elements, psychological barriers that created such variables to the telling of each story through growing up, this became more and more exciting.
Once High school came I was able to find two very inspiring and motivating people. Of course, they were both English instructors. They aired to building up my own collection, curious endeavours, great reads, and unexpected journeys.
Now here is the thing they both taught, both nearing an identical phrasing and a sentimental variation which was this: Write everyday, no matter what, at least 3,000 words a day.
It took me a minute, took a couple of years as a matter of fact, but finally I’ve grasped the flow that fits and I manage close to 4,000 words give or take a couple.
I’m grateful for this teaching, grateful for what it’s brought to me in keeping creative, dreaming, and sharing the ideas that come at a whim. I don’t know what day of the hundred and thirty something that we’re at today, but I’ve made mention of following my dream and doing everything I can to at least maintain a partial grasp if not a good and prevalent grasp to that dream. So I share, and I will continue to write, in hopes that like most people who are here on WordPress we hope that we affect and help at least someone. Even if it’s just one. So to you I thank you.
Write. Write to the heart’s desire and be you, don’t shy away from who you can be, trust it, don’t squander your soul. It deserves more, give it the time.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the serenity of that voice that comes in on the last track for the playlist shared, I hope you take that with your heart today and I hope that your morning, day, and the night cherishes your heart and your wants.
I didn’t dig into myself to be honest this week, as a matter of fact, I’ve been doing some decompression techniques, like painting, meditation through music and using Google’s Balance® and trying to stay quiet. I had just figured that instead of leaning into my worries, why not ignore them?
Which in a sense, it is managing the first pillar but I didn’t take to account that within my postings. Life sometimes distracts, acts as a yielding sign protruding from a most obvious position, and still I drift.
But like yesterday, I did take accountability to the morose degree afflicted through what and how I’ve been writing. And I think I am going to share this…art, an art project I’m still trying to finish, though, if it wasn’t for my son’s crushing hands with the clay I’d be a tad farther than I am. I hope you enjoy, will be posting to Pops.dreamd4rk on insta as well, and likely going to be starting an ADHD/MS journey with my art there as well as my psychological variables here… we’ll see how it goes.
Art (in production) – by: M. R. Vega
Face 1 (poly clay baked, etched)Face 2 (poly clay baked, etched)More pieces being created with Poly clayOrganizing structure, added additional clay pieces post bake, arranging, arranging, what’s going to work?Up close position of Bose, after pour paintTeeth for face 2, painted, zoom inTeeth for face 1, painted with pour paintStage 6/7, still in production. (About 8 hours of work all together so far.)Hmmm? How much of the pour paint should be seen, how much of the characters? Decisions, decisions.
There is still more to come, the idea is to integrate the faces into the canvas enough that it comes off more than the characters are trying to burst through. To which, if we wanna get into art, here’s my thoughts:
Can you tell, I’m trying to land on my feet?
I love it, hopefully that’s an obvious aspect. But in honest reflections, I don’t like perfection and care more for something that gives a decent analytical value to the person who is creating it.
There’s something about nature though, for myself that captivates my heart in that I’ve gained a beneficial perspective to what I want to capture with my art and what I care to contain within, whether it be my eyes, and the memory bank of visuals, but more than, I love with nature the present moment and being with nature for that moment. So I try not to share those moments, I try not to touch nature and/or painting it as I like it how it is, transient, perpetually available for my senses, all six, and this is a connection I try to maintain. So…I share the personal, the isolation of reality for myself, so I’ve taken to detailing my internal struggles and life with that and what I create. I feel it holds a perspective that enriches an understanding to the whole, for the blog, the site, my health and the writer I am.
An introduction to what inspires:
A favorite of mine, for reference would be Michael Hussar. I will leave a link to his IG page, I respect his hand and would rather not taint his work with my page, I don’t want to offend. But I do advise to click the link and check out his creations.
I love the flaws within the beauty captivated in each character shared of his, there’s a harrowing detail and viciousness with each and I think it’s wonderful in a descriptive manner. The vile nature of each subject, or at the least, most, captures the darkness of the deepest parts within each human shown. There’s something raw, and very much grasping the degradation of humanity captured that I tend to enjoy. It’s not the misery, it’s not the horror that I enjoy though, it’s the truth to the image.
This is something I look for most artists that I favor, I like the accountability to making errors, having flaws, and being themselves. To be and show oneself, even when struggling, falling apart, or building back up, I feel creates an ideal person. Be yourself, be true, and share the honest humanity of what we are, if not for any reason but that we’re alive, that we’re here, that we can create.
Anyhow, I’m more than late and need so many things to be finished by the weekend. Signing out til the ‘marrow.
ENJOI!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be bliss, and the night cherished. Thank you for the support and continued reading. See you tomorrow.
Life, individuation, sorry I’m so late to the post drop. F****** life, just manages to shift focus, has the kind scrambled and me really trying to make sure I end with an A for this final with the course… Now here’s the thing.
It’s three pieces, a short story, an analysis of short story and character development and discussion, the second, addressing the Gettysburg address, four lines, analyze, describe and share with an annotated location of language, stanzas and what have you, the third an expose on why short stories are the objective, why they h mean so much and in doing detail the meaning of Edgar Allen Poes thoughts on the discussion of the short story.
Easily done, truly, not all that daunting and it’s exciting…
But, did I ever mention throughout my daily spills that Ocrevus can bring depression? It’s a warning, I know it, and I’m finally addressing that it’s got me at the moment, weeks actually, coming to terms with that and acknowledging it is making it easier but to keep my head up, to stay positive is asking a lot and as I’ve said time and again, I’m f****** tired.
How it Feels
By M. R. Vega
The morning comes with a whipping latch for the bones within. A heated flurry, a whisper of worry, but the rhythm of our flows discombobulate the mind.
Don’t worry, this too shall pass. Let these lies be grasped tightly, shoved and inhaled down, down to rectify the pain, to revive a fire long expelled, long dried, ashen, and…Gone.
Contrary to the burning letters inside this obstacle course of what I call my temple, contrary to the belief all is fine, the pages tatter, they flutter to fly, to fail, to die.
Come with me, take a minute within to find a resolute shame, to find the broken and take to it some tape, trap in what’s left, to it be kept for this, to be shared before it’s long gone. To be burned to an ashen whisper of a previously rebuked hope, let it become ash, it’s where we came, where we belong.
Life…sometimes it’s a convoluted mess that takes days to untangle.
However I am excited to share some art and upcoming projects I hope are appreciated here.
IDEA #1Needs massive change IDEA #2IDEA #3IDEA #4IDEA #5IDEA #6Plans of making more face parts and we’ll see…🤔🤔🤔
We’ll see likely over the weekend and I’ll get back to pillar one tomorrow. Sorry for this being so damn late.
C’est La Vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight. May the day be bliss, may the night bring joyous splendor of dream fueled delight.
It’s a shared moniker for that of a breakfast meal, typically known as a toad in the hole.
Unknowingly I’ve been calling it Cleopatra’s eye since before I met my wife, and as a matter of fact it’s one of my favorite breakfast to make for the simple fact that it’s more than easy and it gives me an excuse to use in a ridiculous amount of butter because let’s be real, butter is delicious. And yes, to anybody reading, it does also share the name with what V makes for Evie in that of V for Vendetta; a wonderful Dark Horse/DC Graphic novel.
Even though my intentions today was to talk about the initial set plan for the coming week Monday through Friday. But when looking up Cleopatra’s eye, making sure I was sharing appropriate details, I found not food but NGC 1535; a planetary nebula in the constellation Eridanus.
This Hubble image shows NGC 1535, a planetary nebula located 5,500-7,500 light-years away in the constellation of Eridanus. Image credit: NASA / ESA / Bond et al. / Gladys Kober, NASA & Catholic University of America.
Now I wasn’t necessarily dismayed, more just a bit perplexed that the entire time, since childhood I’d associated Cleopatra’s eyes to a salty and buttery, deliciously cholesterol fulfilling fuel. The thing is I’m a very big fan of space, very big fan of the James Webb telescope, Hubble telescope, NASA, and for some f****** reason I didn’t have Cleopatra’s eye connected anywhere to space. Just my tummy. Sorry about that.
Anyhow diet has changed a little bit and having to do with the Cleopatra made I just like to share that making it with gluten-free bread is key or a dense type of bread. You want want the soggy bread later. Two slices and using a cookie cutter to slice the hole where you’re going to put the egg in, do an additional slice where you can put the egg white, if wanted. This gives the opportunity to have one egg yolk, protein jacked type of meal with the nice addition of an egg white as its own counterpart. It is delicious and I would suggest it would go great with either ham or bacon. I had sausage, not bad just not a very big fan of sausage unless it’s Italian sausage from Passkey. 😁
Anyhow I apologize, today is weird, I have so many writing projects on my f****** table, or is it play or the magnitude of it I guess it would be a table cuz, well, no the plate now it’s already overflowed.
Enjoi!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I do thank you all for the support, the continued coming back to read again and again. I do wish you well, I do wish you peace.
Sorry, hahaha, a cheeky move, I know, but, it is a thing and if my collection was ever shared on here of the Lego sets, well maybe one of these days.
We’ll see.
Hmmm. 🤔 That phrase, “we’ll see”, it stirs something within, not an anger of sorts, something remembered salted and ruined, just something sour, a bit of iron graces the corners of my tongue. Or did I just bite?
It does have a hint of sinister resolve, a personal and resolute type of adage that keeps me alert. It has the senses tightened.
The coming week I’m going to be practicing the previous things mentioned like yoga, diet, meditation, and continued planning with health and mental wellness but will also be trying to post a morning and nightly post. These will be about how the practices of meditation and other things impacted or taken away from other insights, learnings and steadiness grasped or lost. Like that of school work focus, art focus, or if doing any of this, all of this, will increase a wanting, a bringing that resolve to finding peace with the first pillar.
Through just the last couple of weeks there is this daunting reality that I’m finding a bit hard to handle, a bit of a struggle due to the isolation? And though I know that isolation isn’t intentional in malicious, it’s definitely affecting my person and I do not appreciate that. So I’m going to try to start reaching out to my brother’s a little bit more and my friend John and see what I can do about building that up a little bit. Luckily what I do like is I have here to decompress, relieve that stress, and share with anybody out in the world who is looking for something to grasp a hold of, or to look; “oh hey, I’m going to do everything that person isn’t or is.” If it helps, great, right?
Don’t forget Part 3 of Forget-Me-Naught will be dropping Sunday/Monday with Detective Milton’s playlist. Monday art and a few other things will be coming this week. Thank you everyone.
Enjoi!!!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning good night may your day be ever bright and may the night be careful. Thank you for your support thank you for following please share and have a joyous day.
Yesterday I talked about coincidence, coincidence and the causal aspects of life that have us looking at circumstances thinking that it can’t be anything but a coincidence. So I thought of it, I thought of the coincidences, thought of life, thought of my circumstances, and came to think that maybe it’s a good thing Jung didn’t do more studies on coincidence. Maybe it’s a good thing that he left it to those that would come after his passing that delved into the totality of coincidence and how we consider the truth to it or the false aspects of it.
The biggest reason this has been in my mind, well in all honesty, as a professor of mine would like to state; it takes courage to address and acknowledge depression, or a state of fracturing within the mind space.
I’d love to say being a parent is amazing and great and it’s super awesome and it’s super chill and I love doing it everyday.
I’d love to have some superlatively coated, drenched in pink glitter kind of response to what it’s like being a parent. But the simple matter of fact is this, if your child isn’t typical compared to the way you feel your parenting in your upbringing in the way you kind of essentially push who you are onto your child. Not that it’s intentional not that it’s a subconscious or even a conscious effort, our kids are going to pick up on us. And if they’re smart, attentive, familiar with the human paradigm and characteristics of what we show when we’re upset, happy, frustrated, infuriated, exhausted… Then f****** great. And I mean that.
Here’s the thing, it’s a daily, it’s an all day, everyday, you got four hours Monday through Thursday, where you have time enough to either take care of the things you personally want to take care of, or take care of the household things that need to be taking care of, one or the other.
And yeah that fits in one block because it deserves that one block its the truth of the matter.
So in all honesty I’ve gotten just drained. And the MS fatigue, the MS health, the taking care of my son, taking care of school, and the last two years before all of this before I started the years daily blog posting, we’ve lost almost no more than 10 people in our family. I’m just tired.
So I found it coincidental that the lady that we called to help our son happens to be available to help me happens to be available to help some things I think can definitely be mitigated appropriately and safely, and I think I need it and I think in honor of just mental health in my heart it would be smart.
Now the question is this. Do I see that as a coincidence or just a circumstance that happened to work out very well?
Enjoi #0.22
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be forever gentle, sweet, and gracious.
The synchronicity, a causal effect and coincidence…how can we amplify these meanings? The meaning of coincidence that is. I’d love to say I’m an advocate against coincidence but then digging into Jung deeper and deeper through the days…odd moments that have no definitive causal relation, and still, I question my thinking.
Is this a constant for you? The questioning?
What do you say, can you say that you are your best advocate? Or is it more you’re the best advocate for yourself and your worst enemy?
This is something that doesn’t cloud my mind per se, and yet here I am asking the question. And with that comes the question that I originally asked about coincidence. How can we amplify the meaning and actuality to that of coincidence? Truly if you are a believer of coincidence that’s awesome, and I really mean that because let’us… let’s put it on the table.
There is, what, 8.1 billion people on this f****** planet? Give or take a couple 100 million, right?
And to think of causal factors that would create an ideal or perfect set up for a coincidence, but, I feel that’s hopeful, can it be something that we attribute to our understanding in ourselves? And for it to be a perfect development of coincidence, does it lose its being a coincidence? Better yet when you truly, truly weigh in on it, it then brings a thought of a collective conscience, and I think that’s why the idea of coincidence is something that has some completely deny, others completely accept willingly, leaving people like me where I’m going what the f***?
Or is it something on a more scientific platform, needs the direct tie connected to that of the cause, the coincidence, and the person. But then that would call to knowing exactly what every single thing within that coincidence knew. Or for better divulging understood and was aware of The coincidence happening. Making it no longer a coincidence.
Say coincidence again.
I bring this to light and to posting today while editing due to staring up at the ceiling, well my son beside me sleeps his mama on the other side cuddles snuggles and sleeps too. The silence isn’t daunting, there’s not a w**** to it, there’s just a series of thoughts that permeate through everything else that I’m trying to do in my head the planning, the duration of thinking and how certain projects, certain objects will move and fall into place so things can happen the way it’s wanting to happen or the way I’m wanting it to happen.
And I know what I’m saying may come off convoluted but, check this out, this is my f****** head and another reason why I think maybe sharing it online and doing the posts everyday is good. It gives a good collection of someone dealing with MS dealing, the infusions, working though life with a kid who has autism(nonverbal), school, being the house spouse, being the dad, being the husband, and it amounts to what I can put here, but I can detail in what goes through my head, and it keeps me at least on my feet knowing that tomorrow’s another day, and my future is something that I can manage, I just need to figure it out first. Anyway I think I’m signing out I’m exhausted. Have a good day.
Enjoi!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be gentle, May the night be graceful.
Do you ever have those mornings when you wake up, look to the left, the right, down at your toes, back up to the ceiling, and beg your eyes to find darkness again?
As of late, I have found that I tend to use this as a meditative release. There’s something about the talking, the mic, the editing, the sharing hoping that it’s something relatable, hoping that any reader sees and goes ‘crap I thought I was the only one’…
But here’s the thing multiple sclerosis is a twat. The morning started out great, I had finished my school stuff, had finished the story, I was motivated. So motivated that I ended up wanting to make a home cooked school lunch dinner. Which means handmade breaded gluten free chicken tenders, super-silky, deliciously buttered mashed potatoes, and of course we got to have a veggie so why not corn? Right? So I go to the store, get all the things I need, hustle back home, finish up another art project, a little birthday gift for my wife.
It’s a Tea Hut.
And this great feeling, this motivation and drive that I’m feeling it’s great. I’m very happy that I finished part 2 of Forget-Me-Naught. More than excited that I was actually able to not completely but turn in something that more or less needs to be turned in just for the capstone that I have at the end of the year, and make sure that I was able to run over to the store, pick up everything, and get back to the house in time before my son gets here.
Side note: I don’t have a driver’s license, and I walk everywhere, due to my health this is something that is just a reality not great but whatever.
Now here’s the thing, when you’re diagnosed with multiple sclerosis you’re given this montage of all the things that are going to happen to you depending on life, as most MSers, I’ve noticed everybody has different symptoms, some are relatable, others not so much. One of the things is mobility, this is a most relatable of issues I have found with the app most MSers use, called AboveMS. Walking. How about that? F****** walking, this is simple task, an almost archaic way of getting about, it’s now a trial effort every f****** day. So when I wake up and I’m feeling okay and the morning start getting everybody ready and out the door to school and work, if that hour hour and a half duration, I’m not dealing with bumping anything, tripping, falling, losing feelings or control of legs, I take it as a good one. And for the most part I can continue on through my day, today that’s not the case.
I’m exhausted and I’m very nervous that the exhaustion is going to leak into tomorrow, which has another range of plans set for tomorrow, I pray that the energy stays, that the motivation is somehow hidden inside and only revealed tomorrow morning.
Editing this, it’s not. The next day that is it hell fire on the spine and bones. Being 33 and dealing with those kind of pains, especially knowing a lot of these pains are felt by people in a geriatric stage of their lives, just has me so excited for graying out, fading out, God I’m f****** tired.
So I’ve been kind of tilting the Jung theories, and I do believe in them and I do have faith in them as I feel that they will definitely help me. But when taking care of the mind and body and making sure they’re in sync, dealing with the above mentioned, it creates this odd stew of Life sewage. There’s moments where you want to celebrate but there’s the knowledge of knowing that the celebration may hinder everything after, I have weeds billowing out of my half circle in the front yard, I want to get them all taken out, and I’m going to, but then I have to plan ahead not just for getting the weeds, but for how is that going to affect my body for the next day and the next day in the day after that. These are factors that I hate to address, I guess it’s more of a nuisance and the new ones of knowing the effect action and energy use takes on the body. It’s a toll and it’s a toll that isn’t just $1.25 spare change from the f****** car kind of situation it’s a days worth of energy, a day’s worth of painting, of writing, of school work, house duties and so on. Which calls to making more plans, stretching out things, making sure that everything is lined up so I can make sure I take care of myself, and not bring the anger or irritation or anxiety of doing for others the way I like to do. Because truly, I love taking care of my family, I love cooking a meal getting really into it, setting the table, And when everybody comes to eat, instead of chit chat which I love, they are silent not because they don’t want to talk but because the food is too good to pause. These things bring joy. The same way taking care of my son everyday and being with him everyday brings Joy they’re necessities. It’s the planning, the planning and the arranging, the making sure I’ve got the time. And though on my Memento Mori app I have it set for I think 12 more years of life to be lived, I’m hoping for more, depending on the spinal tap we’ll see if it’s less. Who knows?
It’s life though, one thing that I try to be aware of, everybody’s different, everybody’s life is set for their own path, their own destination, their own journey. And I wish you all well.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May you truly have a beautiful day, gracious and awesome night and may your rest and peace be gentle and forever. Till tomorrow.
Today I’m going to be very quick as a matter of fact, the reason why is I know I have at least two people who are awaiting Forget-Me-Naught Pt. 2, as well as trying to stay consecutive with an ample punctuality in posting it. I did say that I would have it up posted by Sunday / Monday
That said and given that my Sunday as well as every other day has more and more chaos kind of coming our way, I’m finding that my hands are often more busy than I care to admit.
To which I would like to simply state that for anybody who has a child with special needs, family member with special needs, or anybody in their lives with special needs, remember what they may show you, is only the surface of what’s actually going on within. My son nonverbal as he is, has shown a considerable amount of wanting. Wanting a friend, wanting a buddy, wanting his parents, and needing some support in his role. And sadly to my dismay it’s becoming very difficult for him to regulate, enough that he’s been hurting himself hurting his mom and dad, and inflicting his anger on himself and the things around him. It has called for a recollecting of foundation, support, a meeting in resolve to truly help him. So if ever I am late and dropping a post or if ever there is a time where I may be complaining, know that it’s true and the tiredness shared as well as the other things that are going on with life it’s all tied together and it’s more than exhausting.
With that I’m going to be dropping a playlist, it’s a bit of an angry playlist, to which it’s not all that long but I’m pretty sure you can deduce. Hope you don’t consider that rude and I do wish you the best.
Playlist #0.20
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. To those and any that ever come to this page, I do hope it’s known that I am greatly appreciative of the support and the coming back to check out what’s going on. I thank you very much.
Again, Forget-Me-Naught Pt. 2, will be dropping today, Monday, I am editing it in and out while I speak and edit this that I forgot to schedule.
My house sits on the far side of a very busy and bustling road that could and may have been almost main street of our part of the city. And even at 2:00 in the morning, the silence is fleeting. And I don’t sleep, not because I’m tired, not because I’m not tired, but because I have an Alani (energy drink) running through my blood and my heart is pumping who knows how many miles a minute. But, feeling it now, my hand on my chest on my heart, it’s not all that fast actually.
What I do is I sit here and I talk into a mic, reading the words that then are portrayed on the screen. I’m writing forget-me-naught, thinking of Joel, of the detective, of how the conversation would happen. And then I think of Cormac McCarthy, Stephen King’s On Writing…, Vonnegut, and of course Gaiman, and the favorite Bradbury. And then I push them as far away as I can, not because I don’t love their work, not because I wouldn’t mind their opinion, because I really really would, because I need to find faith in myself. I need to start trusting myself. And knowing whatever I do create and bring to this source, that I’m bringing it. With an amount of gusto that at least shares genuine aspects to who and what I truly am. I don’t think it’s fair for any of us to find faith in people and learn of examples that are led by those, to then find out that they were monsters and continuing to be monsters, knowing they were monsters.
I don’t know, maybe the statement is egregious but I’d rather find faith in someone who can be accountable for themselves and the actions that they do, regardless of anything outside of themselves. But then like Seneca and Aurelius I think of a hodgepodge quote, stating that if ourselves are offended by someone and feel like toting that blame in that anger of theirs or of them to others before doing so search within to see why what is it in ourselves that have us affected by these characters. I’ll go through my listed quotes and try to do a posting on the direct one that I’m referencing to later on.
I don’t know there’s a lot on my mind and I still have lots to do. So with that I bid adieu.
Playlist #0.19. Enjoi.
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day and night be graceful as it is bountiful. Thank you for the support and following.
The beauty of Jung’s concepts for the Five Pillars is contemporary, nearly fashionable in the respects of how this philosophy can be practiced, and how its focus is to the whole of each individual.
I, apparently got excited, and knowing the bit I’m familiar with of Jung’s Five Pillars I just jumped in and started focusing on the first pillar. This is all fine and dandy, if I wasn’t a student, wasn’t more entrenched in the totality of this concept, as I do believe it is a formidable way of building oneself.
Now that said and given life is to purpose, is to breathe, is to life, is to continue and on…What is the purpose of this site? Well, it is to affect one, maybe more, but if one can be helped, touched, moved, then the purpose is true.
Yes, I started this wanting to do the vlogging, with cooking and odd acting bits, op-ed discussions recorded and posted, bits of personal life with subjective narratives throughout, but life has its way in guiding doesn’t it, regardless of fate, dualism, choice, or philosophy, life has a funny way of bringing people to our door, our minds, and hearts in such a way that I’d be a fool not to question my reality. Or at the least pull back the layers to see where the bridge and tether of each person, icon, and talisman that create what we’ve become and are becoming to better understand.
But, let’s start with this. What is beautiful about Jung’s concepts is the duality of becoming or creating each pillar through our manifesting who we are through accepting that of the darkness we each carry and the light that brings a valued balance to us each individually.
There is this underlying in becoming aware of both aspects, both sides to the yin and yang of oneself. I find it profound that Jung aimed in being accountable for that, of the darkness within and how there’s a nurturing of that in knowing it’s there. The beauty of what separates Jung’s Pillars and the other philosophies is a call to being present of that awareness. Knowing we each have good days and bad with the occasional grey day hanging over us. But the power is knowing that we each carry a negative with us and that can’t always be hidden or ignored. Better yet it is in us to react not in a recoiling of that darkness within us, but to embrace it and use the power of that darkness as a fuel to better the light. The very addressing and knowing this I feel benefits the heart and knowing life isn’t always perfect, and rarely is, but us knowing ourselves and how we react to the adverse changes show that strength and show the character in us that brings a shining toward a collected and weighed advantage that can better us, you, and all included.
All that said, the goal and intention is, yes, to share art, to share stories, but to also share a lived perspective in aiming to be the best of ourselves. With practicing in using philosophical stances with Jung’s Analytical Theory and Stoicism, I’m personally excited as I feel it will benefit and I hope I do well grasping the lessons, sharing the findings, and the collective for being our best.
As to that, I do hope you all the best I will be signing out, hope you’re excited for part two of Forget-Me-Naught.
Playlist #0.18 Enjoi!
C’est La Vie
Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night the morning and the day be graceful, effortless, and beautiful. I do truly mean that and I hope you carry that to the next person you talk to. Life is too short don’t forget.
Dream Dark Stories 