Dream Dark Stories

Tag: hmm

  • A Foe, what ho!

    What advice would you give to your teenage self?

    Hi-ho and hello.

    So give it a rewind and reset the mic. If I had the opportunity to talk to my teenage self I’d likely start with a quick kick to the nuts. no wait, I’d sit back and watch his hopeless hopeful ass make a fool of himself, I’d tick the areas of concern due to the MS and observe the future decisions that are bound to me and this is when I’d speak.

    I’d try to be peaceful, though a part of me would want to gouge my eyes out and another part would want to hug me and say everything is gonna be okay.

    But my words directly would be this: Hold on, don’t rush, and hold on.

    I think that’s what I’d try to convey. That life is a chaotic mess and me being in a hurry to grow up doesn’t need to be  the case. ‘You’ll find a woman and marry. You’ll have children and you don’t need to be in a hurry anymore.’

    C’est La Vie

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

    ‘Know Thyself’

  • Day Two Hundred & Forty-Six, September 2nd, 2024 and Prompt Soup #0.30

    Are you holding a grudge? About?

    Hi-ho and hello.

    What a curious question, isn’t it?

    Maybe I am, maybe. But when one has to think if there is a grudge to be had, I feel that it’s telling that there isn’t a grudge.

    Overall, I think about forgiveness, or being unforgiving.

    I think, if anything, I have a grudge against myself. But that has to do with not forgiving myself for past actions.

    Do you ever think of that? In respects to others that may have ruffled your feathers, how do we rate ourselves with our anger in respects of the self and everybody else. Can we be angry at the world for waking up hurting? Can we hate our partner because work was rough? Do our failures feed the anger that holds to the past.

    As it is what I wrote at the top of this post, to what is being written now is the past. Are we going to go back to circumvent and circumvent and circumvent or do we face the problems head on?

    And maybe that’s why I don’t have a Grinch, maybe that’s why I have been able to let go of the things that do frustrate me because instead of circumventing I do what I can to either face on or scream at it.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night. May your day be forever blissful, and your night be joyously invigorating. I thank you for your support, for being you, and for staying awesome.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day Two Hundred & Thirty-Nine, August 26th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Ever find yourself in a stupor?

    These last few days that’s where I’ve found myself. Unable to write, unable to clearly think. Do you ever find this in your scope? I mean it’s a legitimate question. Do you ever wake up and you go about your day and you realize it’s not that you don’t have thoughts it’s not that you’re not thinking, there’s just an area within that seems scrubbed or so disheveled and unorganized that for some reason you can’t extrapolate from that source? This has been the way of my life the last week. I am in this f****** stupor that seems so hard to remove myself from. And obviously I’m coming too, I don’t know how that would be obvious to you except for the way I’m writing and the way I’m discussing, but still there’s this field of depression that has me really wanting to kick rocks. Thankfully the weather matches my mood.

    But right quick does it come with a small inkling of feeling alone that seems to spread and permeate even the dreams you tend to have?

    I honestly don’t know and I think it’s okay. There’s something about being in the dark in the scope of my internal circumstances that has me breathe a quiet celebration of avoidance.

    This is where I share the thoughts that scratch up my skull, where the music shrouds my thoughts am but shares a familiar lamenting.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I thank you for the support shown. And hope your day is gentle and the night wondrous!

    Thank you for being you and staying awesome.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day Two Hundred & Twenty-Eight, August 15th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Whoa, yep, a couple hundred days and I’m still here. Still kicking and typing away, of course though, I lament with a lateness that has been crowding my space. But that’s life, right? It’s not always sugar and ease.

    I do what I can to leave no doubt that I’m still kicking and thrashing with what tools I have here. It’s likely for myself as I go on and talk to the empty space before me…but there’s an inkling that maybe you’ll read it eventually. And you ask, who is the writer talking to. Is it you? Is it the boys? Is it my son, the nonverbal boy right beside me, or is it you? The reader? Who knows? I know that I know not.

    I write aimlessly at times to help deduct that which confuses and muddies the waters for my clarity. Do you do this?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    I thank you for the showing of support and coming time and again. Thank you for being you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-Nine, June 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    Letter, letters, letters.

    As I stated in the previous post I am writing some letters to the boys. I had originally decided that I was going to write three, one for both of them together to be read and then one separately each. Even with forever stamps though, I’m looking at using the three I have left for what I’m writing just in one letter. But at least I have it.

    It’s been too long since the last letter I’ve written but it’s about time that I’m communicating to  the two that will be receiving them shortly.

    Regardless, I’m still nervous, not that I’ll be there when they get the letters, not that I’ll see how their faces change through page after page. Will they be stolid and silent, or will they come with grace and a wanting to meet?

    The questions I should have asked myself years ago and couldn’t see from when I made the decisions that had led me to where I’m at now, it’s surreal at times, just to think of then and now. To think of the infantile young adult that was 19 and stupid to now, nearing 34, wishing and wondering so many things could have been different, but if it was that, I wouldn’t be me, it wouldn’t be this.

    I leave you with a poem of what’s being felt inside, the wrestling of me.

    Untitled

    By: M. R. Vega

    Questions, answers, a child, make it two. They come with hesitations, lamentations, facing an adverse wall of loss and convoluted reprise.

    I come with constraints, a nervous bellowing deeply settled, unsure of the realities I see, unsure of the recoiling unknown, knowing I’d be just as apprehensive to know what’s before me.

    Questions and answers, share a truth, don’t shy from honesty, trust in thyself, what’s the worst that can happen?

    So many years, so many unanswered questions, curiosities of the splendor to the unknown, the unchecked, what will you say? How will you feel?

    There sits pen and paper, before me it rests, my hands shake, the heart quivers to the nervousness of what you two will think. I press on and give you as much as I can muster to give a good take of my tapestry.

    Take the thread, follow my steps to learn from what I’ve become and who I am to be. I come with honesty and guilt, take my apologies as you will. I am here.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support readers and I Love that you come back time and again. May your day come with grace and the night a blissful one. Thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Eight, June 6th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    …

    …

    …

    That’s how the last few days have felt…that forever perpetual ellipsis, trying to find a footing through a roaring flood.

    …

    Medication.

    I take to music, to the lyrical op-eds of the heart, or the sanguine lamentations of the chello, a roaring, belting ring from the tongues of decadence that envelop my heart through my ears.

    Life and finding a balance…it’s not something that comes with an outline…a spreadsheet of sorts…nope. Nada. It’s not there, the map of finding fulfillment. For some, it’s going to work, sleeping, eating, shitting, and a little fuck. This brings a coaxing completion for some while others are left clawing at the walls feigning for reason and belonging to something apart from themselves. Which are you?

    I keep talking about Carl Jung’s Five Pillars, figuring the five for me, What is happiness to me? And what is it I want in my life? I think of Aesop Rock’s No Regrets, and smile at this.

    I’ve not been a great person, I’ve done wrong, I’ve regretted actions I’ve made. Luckily, I’ve had the opportunity to change and understand, while also learning who I am and what this life means to me. I take immense pride in who I am today, what I’ve become and the ground I’ve made. Though I know it takes a lifetime to meet the goals I’ve set for myself…I carry on to the next day. A Memento Mori mantra comes to mind and I take to the next day, the next day, the next day…as long as I can make sure the steps made tomorrow were better than that of today’s, that’s a life well lived, yeah?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I thank you supporters, I thank you for the following and the repeated checking in…til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Four, June 2nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Sleep hasn’t come to me easily…and still I leave a day or two of ’em unwritten, unaddressed, ignored…avoiding, what?

    Is it a haunting of something real? Is it a failure that’s yet to be fulfilled but I’m certain of my doubt so I choose to defeat myself before I give myself an opportunity? Ever do that?

    I have this profound opportunity to tell the life story of a man that’s become a near surrogate father. But I shy away and neglect the opportunities at my feet due to…being frank, it’s fear that manifests through daydreaming of what hasn’t happened. Will I be deemed the loafer, the one distancing myself, removing a chance to make myself something I want to be. Do I regard the discussion? And, how do you compromise without losing oneself? Is this something possible?can I maintain my ground and keep lifting or…do I have to knock my legs out from under?!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night. May the day before you be gentle, graceful, and blissful for that of the night that caresses you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Three, May 22nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    The heat is starting to roll in.

    The days are struck with a burn that stands still, permeating through the soil, breathing through the walls. It leaves this desire to fly away, if only I had wings.

    I would like to address something having to do with my stories given the name o f the site is about just that.

    Part Three is being revisited as well as rewritten, I have Part Four also in lieu and tow. As I stated in previous posts, I am trying to take care of my mental health and trying to make sure that what I write isn’t a reflection of what I’m dealing with currently. But more the story that I’ve been writing and editing and rewriting since 2011. That said I am still creating art and more editing, and doing all else, I’m just trying to take care of myself and find the aspects that leave me with very little friendship. But that’s for another time, I’ll be back Thursday with more of an update depending on life.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night day and life be bliss, carry you to a new light. Thank you for the support and following.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM