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  • Day One Hundred & Seventy-One, June 19th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    The three F’s, ever heard of ’em?

    So, right quick. The thing is, I read a peculiar article on Newsweek earlier today that had me scratch at my noggin, tilting my head, looking to the sky. A guy riding on a train was overhearing a pep talk of kids back and forth about a crush.

    The kids, one worried about that crush the other hoppingnon the support bus put it simply, though this is not verbatim but it’s along the line of ‘if you don’t know em, f*** it.’

    Apparently this helped with an ideo about self-consciousness and worrying about what other people think. And apparently this kids very simple remark enlightened the gent’ in a profound way. Which really, truly had me curiously questioning the age of the guy listening to what was likely teens who were talking like this.

    Growing up I was taught of the 3F’s. And it was put this way:

    • 1: if they don’t feed you
    • 2: if they don’t finance you
    • 3: if they don’t f*** you

    Then it really doesn’t f****** matter and what they think, what they are trying to push on you, and what they are trying to have you think doesn’t matter. Because in all actuality if they are not involved and invested in you and yours, why the fuck should it? Really really ask yourself does it matter?

    Right? I guess depending on perceptions it’d be seen as a more nihilistic take on living. But, what if we curtail from the heartless apathy and pivot, more to being in a conscientious addition to the not giving a f*** about others that aren’t immediately, directly associated with you?

    These are my thoughts and never am I here to offend or push my thoughts or force my thinking. Just sharing to share because well, I like to. 🤗

    Newsweek reference: https://www.newsweek.com/man-overhears-advice-kid-wisdom-train-1914947

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be blissful, and the night graceful. Thank you for your support and repeated coming back.

    Like and share.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Seventy, June 18th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Poetry Day

    Dying

    By: M. R. Vega

    A scratch at my neck, a headache at the spine, start from the top try not to rewind.

    Set to a tempo of four to six to two to eight, and take, take the gentle remedy for my migraine hurricane.

    A scratch at my heart, a tickle in my lungs, take me to your middle, take my soul to rest.

    Letting my soul take a beating, letting my heart take a lashing, a scratch at my head and my lungs, biting searing of iron on my tongue.

    A scratch at my neck a headache at the spine, stop from the start and try not to rewind.

    Spin for five, go back three spaced, taking a sidestep to the past, always seemed easier, when coming back to now, but it kills, kills, the heart stuck so far, far away.

    A tickle to the mind, a pang at my lungs, a pierce at my heart, press play and let’s take it day by day, let the migraine take the say, take the pain, let’s hit play and go away, away, away.

    Confusion

    By: M. R. Vega

    Having a gift, after their offers to those of others. A seller you’d need to be, looking still, looking to read the outcome of this case.

    A simplistic location for change that they, there to inform the case, to pound, to hound, be high, be-kind get in, in the very king pass, peace for the past, call me one, hello phrase back, repeat to myself no repeat, no reset.

    A tickle bracing to the hazing of constraints, lessening of grasps, take heed and a glance. We call to the murder, a crow caws for shelter and the hunger grows, grows to the murdering foes fluttering above caw, caw, caw, a-ha-ha-ha.

    We huddle, we befuddle, we tremble, and we shudder to think that there’s nothing more than this to be for those of a murder fluttering above, caw, caw, caw, a-ha-ha-ha.

    We stumble and run to mutter the phrasing that puts it all to slumber, we grasp and caress the daylight weather if only for a glimmer to be tomorrow, toward something apart from me and you so that we can find the thunder that rumbles within. Between, together. Between, together, for the murder, for the a-ha-ha-ha, between, together.

    So, as of late, what I’ve been doing is I will put the mic in front of me. I will either listen to music or I won’t, and I just talk to the mic,maybe I’ll scream at it, whisper to it, but I just go on and then I edit and sometimes it becomes poetry, sometimes it becomes something else, sometimes it becomes something that will never meet the light of day. So welcome to my mind.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you for coming time and again and supporting my blog. It means the world to me, thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Nine, June 17th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    ENJOI!!!

    So…I keep losing weight and I’m noticing I’m getting weaker.

    To add to that, one of the reasons I’m off with my daily posts is the second infusion happened, but I feel that losing almost 30 lbs within a month and not trying to is maybe something that is needing attention…I don’t know. And I’m wishing I did but to that, I’m not going to panic until I have to, I’ll just enjoy being able to put on any jeans I have. 😁

    One of the great things about the five pillars is a building of resilience through finding oneself, however, if one takes the time to go through figuring out what means the most to you in figuring out those pillars. One through five, thoroughly, you’ll find an aspect of yourself awake. That something that laid dormant for so long and now it starts to stir. Silently at first, it stirs until your bones rattle within and the heart beating in the cage of its home sounds like castanets.

    It takes time. All of it takes time, and it takes patience, and a fundamental wanting to become the best of yourself, ourselves, that we can become.

    Give your health the time of day, give your heart the day of time with those you love, find the art in life that stills you, be cognizant of yourself and emotion and how you carry it through the days, everyday, because it may just be your last.

    To which, keep in mind ‘Memento mori‘ or ‘Remember that you must die’. It is an inevitable constant that none of us can defeat, and I’d like to carry my brightest day each day I live.

    It’s staying in line with being something better than what I was yesterday that has me going forward each day til there is nothing left to do.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support and coming back time and again.

    DirtySciFiBuddha, Anthony Robert, A, Ahzio, R. Thomas, tothebrotherswelost, Fox Reviews Rock, santable, LiteralCate, thank you, and to all I had missed or forgot to mention. Thank you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Eight, June 16th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’m taking stock.

    Counting achievements, longevity, stamina, outcomes, and hopes for my tomorrows.

    I say this because it’s what I’m doing now. It’s an everyday situation that calls for being cognizant and accountable for myself.

    If ever there’s a message I bring today, tomorrow, or ever, it’s ‘Keep Going‘. And I know, it takes a lot to make this like I’m on a soapbox for all to listen. But truly just keep going forward and no matter what try not to regret to something comfortable and complacent from before. Push yourself through the adversities faced now and in the future.

    Remember sometimes you’ll slip though, I’m currently grappling for myself trying to get my footing, it happens. It’s life, it is not always perfect. So we persevere and push on. Push on.

    I have stories galore and for reasons unfounded, they’re sealed and getting them out has been harder than I had thought. I’m just needing to gain a self instilled motivation for going toward and I guess that’s why I’m here today not just to tell you to keep going forward but to remind myself as well.

    It’s trying to catch up that has its hitches, finding a momentum that you stifled, and to resurrect it again, takes more energy than I’ve got.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, Good morning and good night. Thank you lovely supporters and readers, til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Seven, June 15th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Jesus, trying to catch up, it’s like aiming on catching salmon with my teeth. I’ll get it, I’m just needing to adjust, what with the new meds, once I’ve got it figured all should be set and just.

    But. And it’s a small but, but there’s something to that medication comment above. It’s not that it isn’t working, it’s not that I’m not noticing positive symptoms, it’s that when I have a moment…I retreat into the deep recesses of my mind, I don’t move. I go further and deeper into that area that I find myself nearly stuck.

    Whether this will continue is yet to be seen but I’m writing a bit more again and I’d take that as a good note.

    How about you? Do you see things as good when they’re good or does it need to be perfect? Or good enough?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, and coming back again.

    Been off and sick somewhat…til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Six, June 14th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Do you ever duck sh** up enough that you take from a familiar Seinfeld episode screaming ‘Serenity now!!!’? I’m there, wondering what did I do to these paintings and what was I thinking with this nose here? How can I rectify that? This?

    Hmm? You may ask, this also, is not finished, and now a different color. But still, wtf?
    I should’ve added more shape to it framing it like this one…*sigh*

    This has been me lately, dropping my ideas mid way like shooting a hole through a parachute. But hey the nose takes after Gru; that Despicable Me character, hahaha.

    It’s the same with these:

    This I like, it’s a simple pour painting that then had a bordering done with red acrylic.

    But this…

    Talk about wtf!?

    I have no idea what happened it shows though that my brain just flew the coop for a day, and often there’s times where it feels like it happens more than often more than a daily more than an hourly, too frequent it’s all too frequent.

    ENJOI !!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you supporters and readers. Thank you and may your day be blessed with grace and bliss.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Five, June 13th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    Sh**! I really lost my grip to the days missed and how many I’ve lost track of. I’m still behind by three, I have bits for each day, but not enough, leaving me scrambling like moths to the light.

    ENJOI!!!
    My Son Z and I

    Say hello to Zaius, he’s my inspiration as well as my disruptor to a lot that I work on…but I can’t blame the boy, he’s with just his dad, mom, and puppers. So I work with it, and as of late am finding that I can have him help me with art like this:

    He chose each color and placement on this. All that was there was two dots a meek nose and some lines for a mouth and eyebrows.

    Personally, I favor this one, as it’s something we created together, and we’re trying now to incorporate our morning start to making something new each week, eventually, I hope each day. I figured something to be said with a child who has autism and dad with MS. 🤔. Sounds like a sit-com.

    Maybe I can entice a wanting to make a new painting for tomorrow’s post. Fingers crossed.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night, til tomorrow my friends and supporters, have a  superperfundo eve of your day.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty Four, June 12th, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello.

    How are you? I genuinely mean this question. How is your life going? Can you look at it outside of oneself?

    Personally, I have a hard time doing that, but I’ve gotten a bit better at it.

    I’ll say this; I’m grateful. I have so much and need so little and most of “my dream” is being lived, if not lived through.

    I think though and ponder as to what’s the hold up? Where’s my voice in the last few days, the last week, I guess, where the f*** did I go?

    ENJOI!!!

    What I’m discovering is that it’s okay to get lost at times as long as you find your way back. This, of course, doesn’t ask for a show of machiavellianism, we’re not looking for a vindictive losing of ourselves that destroys, just true losing one’s footing. Like a slip that ends in the waters.

    Credit: Jon Kabat-Xinn

    Like Jon Kabat-Zinn says in Master class, just come back, it’s okay to lose focus, it happens, it’s natural, and it’s in us to hold to that tether of self and our goals to come back too.

    Side Note: look below for a good deal.

    Right now they’re having a sale $10 per month. https://www.masterclass.com/promotion

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning everyone. Good morning and good night to you all, and I thank you for being here, visit g for a moment, and I hope you well. May your day be graceful, joyous, and a healing one.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Three, June 11th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Some changes have happened in the last week that have done an admirable job of disrupting my flow of work and focus.

    Want to know what it is?

    It’s my son.

    Though I’ve been on my Carl Jung kick as of late, I’ve drifted far from it.

    Thing is, I’m invested here, mind you, here at home doing what I can to be there for my son and more each day I’m seeing that he’s more isolated and lonely than anyone.

    I’m with him every day and happened to be so clearly selfish of my own issues that I’d missed that my son, the nonverbal child, had no friend. He didn’t have a little someone to share secrets and whispers angry nothing’s about parents and rules. He just his mom and dad.

    His talker (AAC device) knows me as dad-friend. So I’m trying to fit that need for him. This last week has been his first summer break week and he’s absorbed the hours of my waking time like a sponge born from the sands.

    Yes, there are moments where I clench, where I roll my eyes, where I sigh with silent lamentations. Even now while I’m trying to write and he presses his sweaty forehead into my face, and pushes his stinky self against because he wants that time and he wants the attention on him.

    It’s worth every minute to be with him, and I’m finding that I just need to work with it and roll with the punches when it comes. The thing is ever since being a kid I wanted to be a dad. And I f***** up in the past, and there are two boys that I still don’t know, so the fact that there is a beautiful wonderful kid right here, and I have the opportunity, I’m going to take it.

    Mind you I do make sure those boys are taken care of, as a matter of fact it’s more my wife that does than I do, especially now that I don’t have a job. Bless her heart.

    Regardless of all of it, I do apologize and we’ll make sure to get back up to date and the next couple days and we’ll get back on the subject of Carl Jung and the Five Pillars and focusing on each with a little bit more relevant detail.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your day be blissful, may the night be graced with a glimmering hope for brightness tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-Two, June 10th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    A Poem

    By: M. R. Vega

    Static envelopes that of worry, of reflection, and solution. Static to the jungle of the mind. Take an extinguisher to the flame, douse me in carbon, snuff the blazen charred crisp.

    Static envelopes that of the confabulations, turmoiled unchecked resolve…static to the road that I call control, give me a parallel.

    Static envelopes the mettle of the self like a muzzle to the heart of the thoughts of an abyss darkened by an ouroboros of solutions to a conflict unseen, unknown, but certain.

    Static envelops that of the mind, of the heart, of the worry, the inconsistent innocence of today, today, today, today…today.

    Static envelopes that of the body, riled, pillaged, drained, and dried. Tried and true to the malleable tenacity of persistent motion, incessant anguish to the power of manipulation.

    Static.

    Static.

    Static.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning.i thank you for the patience and apologize for the very late posts that’ll be parading through. Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty-One, June 9th, 2024 ‡ ‡ ‡ Spotlight on Lobo ‡ ‡ ‡

    Hmmm…what can I say? My dog is a flipping ham.

    Meet Lobo. That is Lobo Blanco Cisneros-Vega

    He is a full bred Great Pyrenees male. His current age is about a year and a half.

    And yes, he has the double dos.

    https://photos.app.goo.gl/5gsaRExdd7trYSUj8

    I’ve never had a bad time with dogs and happened to like them growing up…that is whenever the opportunity found itself at my feet.

    It wasn’t that we weren’t allowed a dog, just being one of five kids made for a big grocery list and, well yeah, I guess we weren’t allowed dogs.

    But of the few I knew of, Lobo has a special place in my heart and him and I locked it the day we met. There’s something more than supportive in him that helps the days and I’m more than grateful for the big furry perro.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    Thank you for the support and continued return.

    I’m hanging in there and forging on. Til tomorrow friends.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Sixty, June 8th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    ENJOI!!!

    Recent Art

    A Face by: Zaius V. & M. R. Vega, Acrylic paint pens.

    Art, it’s my outlet, especially as of late, there’s something that I can say outside of myself and the words I’ve collected within that convey something deeper, in a surrealistic manner. Take for example the image above; it’s a collab piece done by my son and I.

    I had already doodled a lame face on a solo canvas, leaving it in a corner collecting dustz. Well, apparently he found it, Z ended up bringing the canvas to me with a grin and a gentle pat at his chest. (It’s ‘please’ in ASL). I ended up giving him some options, he’d been familiar with the paint pens and likes the shaking that’s called for when using these types of pens.

    He chose the color and location on the canvas and voila.

    Rorschach by: M. R. Vega (in production…what do you see?)

    This originally was intended to be a new face that I was working on; apparently this was not what my subconscious wanted to do. one of my favorite parts to do with my painting is the waiting game…it’s something that I wish I learned to use with more in my life, but either way it’s a technique I’ve come to truly love when I’m making a new piece. I call it Patience. I know what a revelation, right?

    And maybe I’m not the only person who does this but it is something that I’ve truly come to use as an advantage for myself. So, I will tend to use three colors, regardless of what area on the scale, and stay with three for a while. But that’s not all, I will do a dollop or a poor, I’ll start the beginning of a face, or something small innocuous, like a dimple, wrinkles, teeth. I walk away, and I’ll walk away and stay away for days working on other things of life, writing, stories, more paintings, and school. But then I come back. And what happens is the initial idea has been squashed, squandered and obliterated. I then start out from that base foundation that I originally painted and stem from that as been fortuitous. And I’m hoping that eventually it will be seen by others.

    There Will Come Soft Rains… By: M. R. Vega (in production)

    Side story: I’m a massive fan of Ray Bradbury and his short stories. One that has always stuck with me, among too many to count. Anyhow, it’s a favorite, and it’s being paired with a tulip collection I’ve been working on since I married.

    Life by: M. R. Vega (acrylic pour, liquid poly clay, mica)

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day to come be better than yesterday, graceful and blissful.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Nine, June 7th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I draw a blank, and writer’s block isn’t what it is, there’s just a blank slate in front of me at the moment. I don’t know if it’s the Ocrevus or just me. It is what it is, right?

    I know, I hate the phrase too, it’s too blase to have any sincerity to it anymore. At least that’s how it comes off…shit this is late. I’m sorry about that.

    I’ve been feeling a little detached, a bit distant from myself looking in from a glass window.

    The truth of the matter is everything takes f****** time. And one of the biggest things I found now with the multiple sclerosis is that taking medication, changing up workout regiments (which is mini anyhow), and changing diet doesn’t just take three to five days to see changes and differences; it takes weeks.

    Untitled: Acrylic pen, M. R. Vega

    The odd thing is I’m finishing my school work on time, and popping out art pieces and working on pieces daily, hourly even. And yet, I’m finding an issue with coming here in time to talk and get introspective.

    Perhaps it’s the meds, perhaps it’s a writing block, *gasp*, shit…or still depression. A bigger shit. Hmmm , 🤔,well anyhow I hope you enjoy the tunes and the rest of the day. I’ll get back to the proper day soon… That said…I’m sorry for the few that’ll be posted within the next couple hours. But hey, new playlists. ^⁠_⁠^

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be graceful and joyous.

    Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Eight, June 6th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    …

    …

    …

    That’s how the last few days have felt…that forever perpetual ellipsis, trying to find a footing through a roaring flood.

    …

    Medication.

    I take to music, to the lyrical op-eds of the heart, or the sanguine lamentations of the chello, a roaring, belting ring from the tongues of decadence that envelop my heart through my ears.

    Life and finding a balance…it’s not something that comes with an outline…a spreadsheet of sorts…nope. Nada. It’s not there, the map of finding fulfillment. For some, it’s going to work, sleeping, eating, shitting, and a little fuck. This brings a coaxing completion for some while others are left clawing at the walls feigning for reason and belonging to something apart from themselves. Which are you?

    I keep talking about Carl Jung’s Five Pillars, figuring the five for me, What is happiness to me? And what is it I want in my life? I think of Aesop Rock’s No Regrets, and smile at this.

    I’ve not been a great person, I’ve done wrong, I’ve regretted actions I’ve made. Luckily, I’ve had the opportunity to change and understand, while also learning who I am and what this life means to me. I take immense pride in who I am today, what I’ve become and the ground I’ve made. Though I know it takes a lifetime to meet the goals I’ve set for myself…I carry on to the next day. A Memento Mori mantra comes to mind and I take to the next day, the next day, the next day…as long as I can make sure the steps made tomorrow were better than that of today’s, that’s a life well lived, yeah?

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I thank you supporters, I thank you for the following and the repeated checking in…til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Seven, June 5th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today we’re headed On to Carl Jung’s Fifth Pillar. . .

    A Philosophical Or Religious Outlook

    This, I feel is a sensitive sort of conversation, like showing my nethers on camera. But, if it’s something believed, then wear it with pride, right?

    It’s a deistic perspective I carry when thinking of the whole, you, the phone you’re likely holding, myself, those all around us, my puppies, my boy, the birds flocking to the dog food.

    I grew up in a Christian household and was a happy, docile kid who loved his Bible. And there are certain aspects of the faith I grew up with that still resonates, still stands as a testament to being a decent person. But I also grasped some aspects to the two-faced way ideology that brought forgiveness to a circumstance depending on that of the person. I still question that today.

    It’s all connected.

    So, growing up, there was this idea that if I am to ask for forgiveness to that of God, then I am forgiven. Bingo, bango. Simple, that’s beautiful and I get it for the reason of faith and recovery. But, I then started seeing people’s state that ‘God gave me this’, ‘God did this’, ‘God made this happen for me’, or ‘Satan created these problems’, ‘satan’, ‘evil’, ‘destroyed my family and me‘. And growing up it really started getting old.

    I didn’t understand where the lack of accountability was coming from. So I removed myself from that type of thinking and that denomination. And I started journeying through philosophies and spiritual ideas and faith and other religions and I realized, stop.

    It’s easier than that.

    Life is beauty, love is life, to live is to love the ability to feel, to sense the emotions that flow through us and bring the ability to enjoy, to envelop what is in front of us, breathing, pulsing, life to live, to be. There’s a massive beauty in what being alive is to me, and the light that our sun cascades over again and again to bring a new day is more than worthy of notice. I love that life is so effortless, and yet so daunting with the call to being human. 

    There’s a massive beauty in what being alive is to me, and the light that our sun cascades over again and again to bring a new day is more than worthy of notice. I love that life is so effortless, and yet so daunting with the call to being human. 

    The biggest thing is for a call to being responsible and accountable. Whether it’s being a father or just the way I was raised, I feel it’s right. And though the argument to ‘rights and wrongs’ can stack against some fierce mountains, I stand by what I’m stating. Being decent is not a difficult task and being good is a choice that I take to my daily goal and each step I make with intention.

    I pray to Light. To love, to beauty, and the splendor that is being graced with having the ability to feel, see, smell, hear, and taste. It’s Light.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, the following, and I hope your day is brighter than that of yesterday.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Six, June 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’ve been a tad fixated on Carl Jung’s idea of Happiness and how having a decent grasp on the five pillars aid in finding happiness at a whim and with less than a glance. This is where I find myself so far. Mind you this is after about a bout of four weeks and many self introspections still to go.

    Pillar One: Good Physical and Mental health.

    On a personal level and standard, I think I’m doing okay on this pillar. I maintain my hydration. I work out little and walk often, I hope that’s enough when it comes to making sure I’m taking care of my health, and luckily to itI have a decent relationship with my doctors, and an okay bearing on my disease. I cook most of our meals, and try to limit my red meats. But that’s not to say when we get fast food I don’t completely lose my inhibitions, devouring what’s on my plate like a ravenous neanderthal, masticating away my humanity while I gulp greased meats and taters. I can’t help but giggle at the image. Eyes nearly bulging from my face, wide, and glistening, food being shoveled into my maw like a cartooned jackass. Heehaw. Hahahahaha

    Whoa now. Sorry. Food, love to hate it and eat to love it. 🥴🤗🥴

    Pillar Two: Good Personal And Intimate Relationships

    This one is a queer objective as the friend I have takes me away from my wife and she tends to feel distanced from me when I take the time to invest in my relationships outside of my home. Bringing an understanding to doing what I can, dealing with this with a tentative step, slowly.

    Pillar Three: The Faculty For Perceiving Beauty In Art And Nature

    This doesn’t mean make art. It doesn’t mean ‘go and buy it’. It means taking the time to invest in being present and cognizant to the whole of life with being able to perceive outside of oneself. It means to being able in perceiving away from the ego to find the joyous beauty to the contrasts that make life whole and something more than us, this is the objective. 

    And I hope and feel that I have a good balance of this in understanding and learning from it.

    Pillar Four: Reasonable Standards Of Living And Satisfactory Work

    For this…I stand scratching at my scalp…I have the things that I enjoy, I have the means to create what is wanted and the assets available to use if wanted.

    I have a roof over my head, bed(cot) to sleep on, and a to family that I tend to daily if not hourly, likely more.

    I work for myself. And that’s outside of what I do on a daily. The thing is my daily, is my job and is my life, which is taking care of my son, the nonverbal child who has autism and his momma. The thing I’ve come to find is that he’s growing, he’s getting bigger, curious, and to my dismay, lonely. On his Talker I’m known as Dad/Friend.

    I gladly wear that crown of Dad/Friend for my son if it helps him find himself and the things he likes. Teasing his dad/friend is a big one for him lately.

    It brings a significant satisfaction daily and knowing I get to be there as a pillar for him and her is a crowning achievement in my eyes.

    Pillar Five: Philosophical Or Religious Outlook

    Now…now this calls for a pause.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the joys of the day and Bliss of the night be graceful and forever peaceful.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Five, June 3rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Damn, it’s the fourth already. I’m editing for the third, and I’m adding this on the fourth, dammit, dammit…f***, sometimes life just kind of gets you by the balls doesn’t it?

    Something happened today though, something that resonated with me deeply, and I haven’t been able to shake the thought, which I think is likely a good thing.

    The MS has been kicking my ass, right? I have definitely let it happen to take precedence when there is no need. I panic with worry when dealing with prominent symptoms. But, there’s a thing to that, these symptoms, these are typical symptoms that are cause and due to the damage that has been afflicted to that of the myelin sheath of my spine and the spots in my brain. That’s why the symptoms are there, not something new… I don’t know how I could have been so stupid? I had assumed due to the reaction and incessant lengths, it was having to do with a new issue…it wasn’t. Why to think so absurdly? And to assume that the symptoms I am and still deal with were more than what I’ve been dealing with.

    I wasn’t mentally obliterated with the details shared from my neurologist, I was enlightened…and this coaxing comfort came with this new knowledge.

    ENJOI!!!

    Okie dokie, I know that’s cheap, a cheap take for playlists. Most of the time they’re planned and we’ll, these are the favorites, usually played when cleaning or starting my art. I hope it’s enjoyed.

    So to find that my pain and the issues are to stay the way they are, this is a new norm for me that I need to be okay with. It’s if it changes to something apart from what is known and familiar, that’s when it’s time to call the Doc.

    I know.

    ‘How can I be so dumb?’

    Okay, so real quick, this isn’t some self-deprecating comment, it’s simply an observation of the simplest fashion.

    My own health being how it is, not understanding that the sensations being felt are something I’ve become familiar with, though there are days where it’s more than it is or more than the day before, the week before, that’s to be a different discussion. But it’s the case, it doesn’t mean anything other than having a bad day or a Bad MS Day. That’s it and I made it more than it had to be. I’m grateful that I finally have the awareness and understanding that that’s just the new norm. I don’t know, I guess it’s like stamping it with finality.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the night be bliss, may the day be greatly comforting with resolve to the issues.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Four, June 2nd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Sleep hasn’t come to me easily…and still I leave a day or two of ’em unwritten, unaddressed, ignored…avoiding, what?

    Is it a haunting of something real? Is it a failure that’s yet to be fulfilled but I’m certain of my doubt so I choose to defeat myself before I give myself an opportunity? Ever do that?

    I have this profound opportunity to tell the life story of a man that’s become a near surrogate father. But I shy away and neglect the opportunities at my feet due to…being frank, it’s fear that manifests through daydreaming of what hasn’t happened. Will I be deemed the loafer, the one distancing myself, removing a chance to make myself something I want to be. Do I regard the discussion? And, how do you compromise without losing oneself? Is this something possible?can I maintain my ground and keep lifting or…do I have to knock my legs out from under?!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night. May the day before you be gentle, graceful, and blissful for that of the night that caresses you.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Three, June 1st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    It’s the first. S***, doesn’t it seem like it’s just gone too quickly?

    I document daily, journal hourly, and still I’m looking around, trying to figure out where the hell the time has gone. I step forward and have been, but for some odd reason, the idea of it being nearly half of the year behind us, it’s almost unsettling.

    A favorite of mine. Original or instrumental, either way, she conveys the pain.

    But there are heavy hesitations. Though these hesitations are tied mainly to my health, and my health is directly tied to my all being,l. So it leaves me wanting to figure it out enough where I can get back to schedule, start dropping the continued story of Joel and the Box, start with some new edits and painting drip drops.

    Pillar Three shouldn’t be a difficult passage for me as it’s a matter of being able in finding beauty and art in my surroundings. To be able to interact with this beauty and artistic flow, which I think is something that, thankfully comes naturally.

    Part 3 for Forget-Me-Naught Redux is coming, health and other shit going on in life took precedence.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day bring blissful  reprieve Thank you supporters and readers. Thank you for coming time and again till tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-Two, May 31st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I should be writing…

    I should be editing, planning, creating a line to the outline of my life…

    But I don’t, I fight the pains that take my chest and knock me down again and again. Wrestling with a prominent skewering discomfort,  this struggle to breathe.

    I’m sick with an incessant and uncontrollable hiccup situation that has me feeling like I have a xenomorph about to pop out of my chest.

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you so much for your support, and continued coming back in again to see how life is and what’s going on in my neck of the woods. Till tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty-One, May 30th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Like a deepest ocean.

    In a position where I’m to stay still, to sit sedentary for the next couple hours left of the Infusion and I’m bored lonely, and wanting to crash.

    ‘CLEAN’

    It’s my infusion day. I’d share more visuals but given the environment and privacy of others, that’s all you’re going to get, sorry.

    How about that sign though, right? Hahaha.

    So, let me tell you a story. Originally, I was completely against the idea of Ocrevus. I was more than apprehensive to doing the Ocrevus and asked my neurologist ‘is this worth it? Is it going to kill me? Am I going to be okay?’. He said ‘well you’re progressing and you just keep progressing so I don’t think you have any other choice than to take the gamble‘. I was patient with that information, I talked to my wife, my brother, even John. I thought of prospects, I thought of JCV, my life in the future but at the same time, I was also feeling a bit of pressure. Regardless though, I did take the gamble and I just finished up my second infusion.

    I say this because, the first infusion parts one and two of that first run was a bit rough but only a brief bit. I did deal with some fatigue the first day or two after getting the infusions but that was it. I whooped and hollered, jeered, and yahoood the idea of this medication. That was for about a week or two, where I popped out a bunch of art and I was able to do a bunch of school work without a hiccup. Everything was great and then that shifted and everything got a lot worse and stayed getting harder.

    And today everything hurts after the infusion was done, after getting home my body felt and still feels like it has ice and cinder blocks stuck in my joints, wrapped around my bones, and I am tired but it’s 1:50 am on the 31st and I can’t sleep and f***.

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May the day be bliss, may it be joyous, and gentle. Thank you for your support.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Fifty, May 29th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I had a tift with my spouse, and since I started a new regiment of medications and started seeing a mental health professional I’m feeling steady, I’m feeling reassured, and I have a sense of foundation when I speak as of late. Doesn’t mean I’m fully put together or anything but my arguments are sound, for the most part and they are not tied to an emotional sense, they’re tied to logic and I think this is a good thing. However, I’m finding that this relationship is something that calls for a tentative handling. My patience needs to be shown, my voice limited, and still the 80/20 is applied. 😮‍💨

    I shared this playlist beneath with a family member and though I understood their point, they said there’s something very sad about the music. I don’t know when I feel like a lot of my writing kind of depicts a good story of somebody that is a bit broken, struggling for grasping love and trying to find a good balance of finding myself while also making sure that I apply being there for her and my son. I’m tired, and I have my infusion tomorrow.

    I truly hope you enjoy the music. Again this is very much something special and dear to me these are very personal songs that I listen to casually and regularly

    C’est La Vie

    Enjoi, these are the personal ones, the close to the heart ones, I hope you enjoy, truly.  Have a beautiful day, stay safe, stay sound.

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. May your life tonight go on into the bliss of the night, the coming day and wondrous future for you and yours.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM

  • Day One Hundred & Forty-Nine, May 28th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    A Poem

    By: M. R. Vega

    I hesitate, take a pause, hold my breath, shift to the interlacing threads I know are there and hold a liquid splendor to the rotting of what’s pumping inside.

    The barbs strike, coiling around, around something aching, convulsing, and thrashing.

    The heart it lays heavy, sobbing, liquid gestating to the kind masticating young for the blood to pump life and passion, a gestating for love, for hate. How it whinies, how it crows upon the moon, how it gawks and hoots, suckling at the casabas of us, of you, of me, for love, for hate.

    Atop the chest of us, inhaling the anguish, and spewing the fueling, putrid ale, shoveling into you and I.

    Like pigs greedily suckling, latching and hating, spewing malice, fuming frothing despair. Take upon the lies of dawn, of an earlier darkness that takes and takes all to what is always enough but suck and suck it goes, gestating the hate, gestating the malice that is becoming you and I.

    Becoming you and I. We kick and flail, like infinite children giving up on growing, on changing, let it be, take me to the pits, bring me the fire. What say you?

    The moon is dead, the sun blackened, my hands red, your eyes crying, wet and flooding. The moon is dead like the heart that was, like the heart we made and gave up on.

    The moon is dead and my heart is blackened with the sun, blackened with the mind of you and I. I bet for your needs, beg for the want for what comes with an eternal love, silence meets my ears. Silence meets my heart, for you and I.

    Invisible? Can I no longe be a part of you, wanting to know what you’re needing, what you want, running, running down through to the ground, bloodied and pulped. Struggling and darkened, faded and gone, tripping over the land miness of twisted logic. An ouroboros of the gestating kind, a self proposed ambition of the constant duration to the forever abortion of love and hate.

    Forever.

    Let me be, tell me those needs to keep this going… 

    Like Sisyphus, Hercules, Pandora, and those that spoil. take me to the fire for love and hate. Take me to the squelching gnashing and gnawing hate that fuels the irons, that laces the barbs upon a heart for you and I.

    Sorry, the last few days have said a lot through emotions seen and shown, the living of life and love, am I right?

    ENJOI!!!

    C’est La Vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you for the support, thank you for the views and coming back a time or two. Til tomorrow.

    NOSCE TE IPSUM