Category: Thoughts and Introspection

  • Day Seventy-Eight, March 18, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Quote:

    “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”

    Seneca

    I take stock of my life, I take stock of what is to come, and hesitantly breathe through the day by day. Difficulties certainly can strengthen, given I’m not Seneca, and personally though I agree with a quote, doesn’t mean it strengthens the mind every circumstance. Life is difficult, and yeah life throws us as many lemon, saw blade, trampoline, dybbuk box, what have you. Life throws us many a variety of circumstances and it is definitely a strengthening when facing these adversities, sometimes though the mind and body tire. Monday my least favorite of the days, I’m faced with challenges, difficulties, and what I choose to do is doodle, and play with my son, play video games together, you sweets together and relax. I’ll put to the planning and the organization to Tuesday I’ll share my passion planner plans and a week’s set of ideal steps forward I guess. As for today I’m going to sign out.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night wonderful readers. May You Have a Beautiful Day.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Seven, March 17th 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    I will be writing most of the day, my hopes are that I’ll be able to drop this story hopefully Monday morning I was hoping tonight, but given I’ve got some other things I’ve got to have edited, as well as my son and I like spending some quality time with my family, even if we’re completely silent and just staring at a screen. I like taking the time to just be with my family.

    However the thoughts are rambling in my head, I’ve got some editing to do before I drop my story, I have got some reading to do for school given that that course is starting tomorrow and I am more than excited.

    Getting to get into the American narratives and how the puritanical push drove writers especially that of Edgar Allan Poe and how the tropes, and poetry fit steadily into the depths that we find writers like Poe and Jackson with that very subtle effect of using such a gentle tether latched to religion. I’m excited, more than curious about what lessons and what readings will be acquired, or required, I tend to buy a lot of books when I do these courses, let’s see which ones I don’t already have. Be talking to you guys tomorrow I do hope you all a pleasant day and a pleasant end of the weekend and I hope your Monday morning start is beautiful and blessed. This is not a religious statement this is more a spiritual statement you believe in what you want to believe I believe in what I want to believe let’s meet in the middle and respect each other’s space.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night I do wish you all pleasantness and joy may you rest easily gentle readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • A Student and a Question                     by: M. R. Vega

    This is based off of a simple question asked by a kid who decided not to look up. Rather simple question from the kid but it had me think and well here’s a short story, and like Lamont it will be a s***** draft.


    “Mrs. Nogare, Mrs. Nogare, I have a question.” Randall’s arm is already hanging in the air, waving erratically, and his teeth beam.

    “Randall that’s not how we get answers here is it?” Mrs. Nogare quickly turns from the white board, darting him a quick look and scans the room.

    “Class please remind Randall what he needs to do if he wants to ask a question or if he wants something.” Mrs. Nogare turns back around

    “To raise our hand until Mrs  Nogare shows that she can answer.” A little boy rings proud with the answer sitting at the front smiling toward Randall and nods at the room’s silence while Mrs. Nogare continues at the white board.

    “Thank you Matthew.” She smiled smugly, knowing that boy would be the one to answer, knowing he liked having the answers and assisting as often as he could. She adored her students, mostly all of them, but there was a sincerity to this one that had her tell her husband about him often. It was a mere coincidence her husband and him shared a name. Her husband, well she could do without more than half the time if not more. He’d become an incessant annoyance lately, like an ailing pet that needed a constant back rub or drink that he couldn’t get himself. She imagined coming home with a treat, least saying it was a treat, but upon greedy hungry fingers he opens it to rocks. She chuckled quietly to herself and wrapped up the instructions quickly as she realized she had been daydreaming. She spun around with a smile and clapped her hands together as if she’d sketched with chalk, and issued everyone’s attention to the board.

    “Now class please look at the board, follow the instructions as I’ve stated, you have steps one through five to finish, now after finishing the project put the finished assignment in bin one and once that’s done you can start doing your free time.” She swiftly slid down the rows of desks and chairs to Randall while also checking the room in that all the students were following the instructions.

    “Now Randall, how can I help you? Were you needing to use the restroom, did you want to go over the subject again?” She’d become so used to the students hardly listening most of the time she’s prepared with the monotoned response of what was said before, said before, and said before.

    “No, no, that’s not what I was going to ask, I wanted to… can you come closer Mrs. Daisy, I don’t want other kids to laugh at me…” Mrs. Nogare withdrew for a second,

    Expecting just that, she was more than confused when he responded. Leaving the words trapped at the throat and her wanting to scratch at her head for a second. She gave her head a quick and brief shake of the hair and issued him to her desk. “Of course Randall of course. Come to my desk and we’ll talk.” He quickly pulled from the desk he was in, grabbed at a pencil and then decided otherwise and followed Mrs. Nogare to her large and decorated desk of flush markers in color coded order, neatly marked cubbies for pens, pencils, one marked sharp with the pencils pointing up dart like and sharp, the other marked dull with rundown erasers kissing at the sky above them. Randall always admired her desk, the peculiar Lego flowers in a vase, the curious jewel adorned turtle nearly kissing the coffee mug sitting on the coaster warmer since the start of the day. Randall found he enjoyed the cleanliness. The order of it all. It left him silent and gazing until Nogare interrupted his string of thoughts

    “Now what is it Randall?” He shook from his admiring the big desk and wanting to play with all of the items in reach but shook away the thought and brought back in focus to Mrs. Nogare who was looking at him with kind but piercing eyes awaiting the inquiry.

    “Sorry, sorry, Mrs. Nogare have you noticed how the Sun gets dimmer, not, not like the clouds are covering it, but like it’s blinking or squinting, like it has an eye making the sky dim, the sun dim?”

    Mrs. Nogare not trying to be overly blunt or brash, and holding back an eye roll, she gently addressed the obvious to him. “Randall that would be called clouds my dear, you’re just needing to start looking up. See, the clouds moving from the directions of the wind across the Earth that make the movement go across the sun and across the moon, so when you’re out and about and you see that light coming from the sky dim, it’s due to that movement of cloud coverage. That’s all. We’ve gone over this quite a few times in science hour, remember Randall?”

    He knew it. He knew Mrs. Nogare wouldn’t understand. The one teacher he felt was a bit funny, maybe a bit mean, but odd in a way the question would hopefully draw a sincere concern. But no one did, his dad laughed at him calling him a baffoon, his brother gave him a noogie just for the question, and his mom just laughed waving a hand and telling him to clean his room instead of asking stupid questions. His inner lamenting was missed by Mrs. Nogare while she scanned the classroom as she often felt compelled to. “Is there anything else Randall?”

    “Yeah Mrs. Daisy, no, no, never mind, never mind. I know what the clouds are doing, it just looks different, I don’t know like I said just don’t tell the other kids please?” His face red and flushed, he quickly got up and almost tripping over his feet, walked back to his desk. Johnny, a friend of Randall’s who had tried to catch the question Randall asked Mrs. Nogare, was now sticking his tongue out at him but quickly sucked it back in when he noticed Mrs. Nogare staring him down.

    “Mr. Johnny, do you have the assignment finished yet or were you too busy eavesdropping on your pal?” Johnny went to ask what eavesdropping was or meant but decided he would rather not have a lesson today, he ignored her, shaking his head and slyly smiling and snickering at Randall while he sat back down.

    Mrs. Nogare found herself starting at the clock on the wall shortly after the inquiry from Randall and enjoyed the quiet shuffling of students, of papers sliding to and fro, the scribbles of pencils, and tapping of keys on laptops, these were the sounds that brought her peace and had her know she chose the right profession. She then thought of Randall and that curious question of his which took her mind and eyes to looking through the window and up at the sky. It was a clear day, the sky bright and nearly piercing, but just as she expected, looked just as it always does on bright and clear days. The sun gleamed through the window and had her mesmerized while also a bit curious still to the odd question of Randall’s. She whipped around on her chair and was happily surprised she found the students were sticking to doing the assignment, there were a few that decided the assignment could be ignored and doodled instead of working. But those few were known for great test scores, perfect CMas scores each year, and she figured they were bored, as she often is with the doldrum of routine and the same third grade topics each year. She refrained from bringing an alarm to the few not working and shook the words to the waste basket that is tidely set within her mind. Her thought though was due to that they’d be going to specials in near minutes and then off to lunch and the rest of routine that is third grade.

    She gazed over her students admiring those working, shaking her head at the few who decided otherwise, and then found Randall solemnly scratching at something he’d written on a small piece of scratch paper. She knelt down at his desk and placed an open hand on the desk. “Everything okay Randall, is it still about what’s going on with the sun?” She strained to see what he wrote but needed to get closer.

    Randall shrugged and shook his head not wanting to be a laughing stock, not wanting to point the finger of blame or negligence of her. She should know he knew she would know if she just saw it. But he just avoided the topic all together.

    “I’m good Mrs. Nogare, I just spelled something wrong and needed to erase it but,(flashing the pen) I wasn’t paying attention.” He quietly chuckled and she smiled at him not assured he was okay. Not one bit. She went back to her office desk and happened to look to the large window and saw a dimming to the outside.

    Clouds, she thought, it’s just the clouds. But, the inquiry of Randall’s and his demeanor after her response had her thinking, perhaps longer than she should have. The bell rang. The students who were anxious and getting hungry refrained from bolting and causing a ruckus. The waited. She shook her head and alerted the kids with a quick and cheerful addressing.

    “Alrighty class I’ll be seeing you after specials and lunch. Don’t forget to put your assignments into the right bin and I’ll see you all in a while.” She wasn’t paying attention to them, she was merely present and awake but her mind was a drift and she chose to look to the window, but avoided looking up while maintaining focus on the input of light.

    They all shuffled out quietly filing in with the large 3rd grade line heading off to specials (art, p.e., music) courses. Randall lingered for a moment until he saw her peer out the window and smiled briefly and hustled up with the rest, hoping she’d have something to say when he got back.

    Mrs. Nogare hesitated for a moment and went to the computer instead of going to her car as she had originally planned to have her lunch with her husband. What she did was send him a text message saying she wasn’t going to make it, and that she’ll see him for dinner later. Xoxo. And then took to the computer entering cloud coverage searches, Doppler readings, and the weather for the next 10 days duration.

    It will be clear skies for the duration of the next month, almost cloudless, today especially when she sees there can be no reason for the light to dim. Now Mrs. Nogare thinks maybe Randall was onto something. This thought still brought her attention to the outside again with a rapid urgency as Mrs. Nogare knew she needed to confirm it visually before she called anyone. Just like Randall with his quiet request earlier that morning.


    It took thirteen minutes from the time the students left for specials and her noticing the dimming herself. She had stared with complete attention to the outside, through the window from her office chair, not moving, staring, with her heart pounding within. She stared. Knowing that above her, above the school was clear and blue skies. She watched it dim again and had a thought.

    It has to be affecting the weather, right?

    She went back to the computer, and putting as many factors that she could think of pertaining to the coming summer season and the weather temperature increase or decrease, she waited for the slight pause while the info loaded. Seeing what she did though had her clap her hands to her mouth quietly and quickly.

    It can’t be she thought, couldn’t be, NASA and news departments would be losing their minds if the details were correct, she thought. Every time the sun dimmed she noticed or, as Randall put it, blinked, that effect dropped the temperature. Mrs. Nogare being no fan of math whatsoever, she put her theory and mathematical progress to the computer with inputs for time, duration, distance, and time again. So her model was loosely based off of an idea and not mathematically sound, what she was seeing had her really wishing she ignored Randall. This would mean that within a year the temperatures would be so cold, life wouldn’t be feasible. It’s impossible she thought, that’s impossible.

    Deep down though, Mrs. Nogare I knew that regardless of the hodgepodge math she used, there was a definitive knowledge and just seeing the dimming when she took the time to notice that had her regretting not going on that lunch. For now everyday looking forward, she knows the end is so much more near.

  • Day Seventy-Six, March 16th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    This will be a quick one. It is Saturday I am tired I’m irritated and really hoping that this next week I will actually get contacted from some lawyers about the egregious firing. And I also realize that kids do not talk the way I have Randall’s character talking.

    I know that last sentence mentioned is completely out of left field however I do have a short story that I really really hope after rectifying some language, should be published by end of Sunday hopefully within the day of Sunday.

    From what my wife is telling me students readily talk, they’re afraid to lick you in the eye, they don’t think talking means anything anymore, they shrug, they ignore, or they think the question doesn’t need an answer.

    This is off to me, it’s perplexing in the oddest form, I never thought kids could get to the point where they’re nearly mute. And it’s not that they are mute, they of course talk with their friends, they talk with their peers, they talk with people they like, however for some reason adults are not just an enemy, we’re the paradigm of total evil and neglecting anything that kids are apparently. At least that’s what the behavior and their demeanor shows.

    Which brings a question; do I want to write the way I hope people communicate or do I want to write in the truest faction of this is how people are. My hopes are that people are genuine, people are thoughtful and conscientious. But I have to pause because are humans, is humanity at a point where it’s the general population that feels that way or is it just a few that feel that way?

    Meaning are there loads of people that just hate and are angry and would rather cloud and muddie the waters and get everybody confused and try to stir the boiling and force the mess? Or, and I mean this with true sincerity, is the larger whole, a people that wants to be fair, true, honest, positive, supportive, encouraging, loving, loving, loving, please tell me that there is more of the light than there is of the dark. Because it’s one thing going through the news and reading darkness and reading this crap and this s***** thing that happened to somebody it’s a whole other thing to find out that the world is just heading to that direction and there’s no way to stop it.

    I know the site is dream dark stories but it was meant for those dark dreams that strive in us to find the light whether it be with in dream or outside into the real world where we can actually control it and make a difference whether for ourselves or for others.

    C’est La vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good Morning and Goodnight.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Five, March 15, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    The snow it’s here, it’s been here and the volume, though rapidly melting and sliding away has been enough of a hindering factor for us today that we are all sitting on the couch, enjoying the Friday, enjoying each other’s company and the repetitive Little Einsteins warped video on YouTube that our son plays in repetitive monotony. Inches after inches of snow that the town doesn’t hang into to for long, yesterday it was eager to melt, today just the same. Puddles become ponds become lakes become oceans all in one yard.

    The Farmer’s Almanac states these few days of snow dumping of upsetting sloshiness to share may be the last for our southern CO location and I’m more than eager to revel in the warmth that’s on the horizon.

    With that I will be dropping a short story this weekend by title of “The Student and a Question”…turns out I happened to get stuck in the classroom of the story and wasn’t sure how to have Mrs. Nogare react when she sees it.

    Hope all is well.

    Here everything’s wet, I hate it, everything’s wet, and apparently somebody just slammed into a transformer in the middle of the night and I’m signing out. I’m tired.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night May your readers have a beautiful and gentle day.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-Four, March 14th, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho.

    March 14th, essentially what was deemed a mostly egregious type of storm that coated most of Colorado, left Pueblo free of cancellations and closures. Even the night before my wife anxiously refreshing her phone hour after hour with the assumption that school would be canceled today. This didn’t happen, I woke up at 4:00am to use the restroom, looked outside and could hear the pattering of rain falling from up above, took to looking at the streetlights and road but saw nothing but flowing water in the gutters. Not a blip of snow not a bloop of slush, nothing of the frozen sort.

    Hour and a half later I am rushing myself up with the knowledge that school had not been canceled, needing to make my wife lunch, get my kiddo ready and pack his lunch, it was a messy start to the morning.  Minutes later after the bags are packed, the lunches made, hair brushed and makeup applied the snow came with a vengeance of missed moments of a moist saturation and it dumped like falls in heaps of snow from the heavens, weighing down the lines, the trees, and it wouldn’t let up till long into the afternoon. Then came the usual job search, collection of listings for chores of my own for the day.

    List of Chores:

    Then came the usual job search, collection of listing for chores of my own for the day.

    • Dogs and food, little play time in the snow
    • Breakfast and 30 min, coffee/breather
    • Organizing laundry
    • Washing laundry
    • Folding laundry
    • School planning for next course
    • Read chapter of Holly by: Stephen King
    • Music and art project
    • Little guy care and tending.
    • Dog time again.
    • Dishes
    • Reorganize office…maybe…

    That last one didn’t happen, I wanted to take to the office really really get everything organized but it’s a little guy does a really good job of making sure you know he does not want you to do anything but what he’s wanting at the moment, and in denying you ask for the opportune time of possible outbursts, though they may come with laughter, they sometimes come with violence and it’s not intentional, more just my little guy is frustrated and due to the being nonverbal, he has a very difficult time conveying that he’s mad and why he’s mad. It’s explaining the why that I think makes it easier for him to get irritated.

    The weather happened to be a great cause of irritation for him, especially with being told that he gave me not go outside because it’s too wet, he decided that that’s stupid and asked repeatedly and very kindly to go outside so of course we went outside.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and goodnight, may your day be bright and night be gentle.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

    Note: had this scheduled but it didn’t publish, so sorry for the late post reader.

  • Day Seventy-Three, March 13th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    The storm is coming, the alerts and incessant warnings for a monumentous blizzard of the last decade are apparently developing as I write, later tonight, the snow will be more promising, as of now it’s gray outside and cold, but the warmth is still lingering. It’s enough that I go out often throughout the day either wearing a shirt with a loose zip up hoodie, but usually just a T-shirt and jeans and no complaints. Not yet that is as of 3:00 p.m. 4:00 p.m. give or take.

    As of now it is midnight 34 and it is raining profusely, there is a bit of a chill however, My worry is that both my wife and son will not be having a snow day likely the last snow day of the school year for the year 2023/2024.

    It is rumored that around 4:00 there will be snow and it’ll be heavy and very wet and very dangerous. But this is pablo, this is the snow hole of Colorado where snow may make it regardless though if it does it’s not going to stay but a day maybe two unless the shade has anything to do with it and then it’s a different story but usually areas where no one is and it ends up going missed and completely avoided.

    My wife and I both assume that D60 would be canceling today, obviously that’s not the case. I should be laying down but I am more than wired because I thought we’d be staying up and watching movies all night.

    C’est la vie.

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you readers. I do wish you have a wonderful night or day and I hope you cherish it.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy -Two, March 12, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    To everyone that has taken the time to read anything that I post, I do have intentions of dropping a short story that I’m excited for, I have been editing a little bit more than I usually do on these kind of opportunities I take when I write. A lot of time I have it as a s***** rough draft that way, later down the road something pops up it will very much show the edits intended and this one will definitely make it to my anthology that I have planned for the end of the year.

    But on another note since it’s Tuesday I figured we’ll do a quote. Wednesday I’ll do poetry and I’m hoping to get some art up by tomorrow afternoon, we’ll see. I’ve been lazy and dealing with some other circumstances as recently posted so… Yeah we’ll see. *sigh*

    Quote

    “Life is never incomplete if it is an honorable one. At whatever point you leave life, if you leave it in the right way, it is whole.

    -Seneca


    I hope my life can eventually be deemed honorable. After getting diagnosed years back I became ambivalent to what it meant, what life is and how the steps were to be made for life?

    I think it very much starts with deciding and seeing positivity in life. Yes, there’s going to be negativity, yes things are not always going to go the way we want to it to. In the words of The Rolling Stones “You Can’t always get What You want”.

    No life will not just flow the way we want, there will be adverse reactions, we will be faced with the myriad of adversities that come with living. And with it comes a question every day that we, ourselves, have to ask. ‘What is my purpose, why am I here and where am I going?’ and on top of that you have that question of are you going to decide to be positive today, or are you going to decide to be negative and see everything as an object against specifically and only you?

    Don’t forget though, there are going to be bad days, they’re going to be days that regardless of how much you may want to be positive, there may be some unknown cause or reason that has you hanging on to the opposition, hanging on to the things that drive you wild, holding on to the things that irritate you too much that you can’t just enjoy being. And then, I have to ask though if that is the case, is it worth the energy for you?

    These are daily thoughts for me, not just daily thoughts, but balancing stones that I use through my day or weeks, months, f***, hours sometimes that are used anyway to help keep me focused and I hope through using these questions, the philosophy, and the idea to maintain a positive outlook with a conscientious behavior or behaviors we can make life better. Maybe it’s wanting to change and learn, to be better, is what is honorable, it’s what deems the whole to being.

    Playlist #0.2

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy-One, March 11, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today is Monday and for the life of me it doesn’t feel like Monday. Woke up with a list of plants, misses ended up staying home and us having to take her over the doctor make sure things are okay. I do hope things are okay, there’s a dizziness though with what she’s doing with that I wish I could snap my fingers and just help rectify.

    Segway sorry, but about Mondays and about how you today started even now while writing this it doesn’t and hasn’t felt like a Monday. And Mondays are my least favorite of days in the week, I’m pretty sure all of us tend to hate Mondays too just because we all know we got to get back to the grind. Sadly there is no grind for me except for you know my typical house duties and parent duties.

    I’m tired. Not tired in the sense I didn’t get enough sleep, or I have too much to do, nah it’s an MS thing. And I’m trying to be a good husband to the Mrs and not bring any issues I’m dealing with to the table. I feel that the focus needs to be turned to her make sure all is well and that she is taken care of.

    However one thing I can’t help, and this is true, sugars and heavy saturated foods like Taco Bell with, try a Baja blast, knocks me the f*** out. And when I say knock out I mean put me in a stupor and just poor fatigue all over my entirety. Depending on the choices of diet in a day especially if I’m not thinking wisely about what’s in the drink, if the sugar is at a volume that my body’s not going to appreciate, my body’s going to put me in the f*** to sleep immediately.

    So from start to end of day I began with thinking that I’d be getting both wife and child ready for work and school, so then making some calls to counselor, doctor, and lawyer, well also tithing up house cleaning kitchen sweeping and putting all of the items in the closet organizer that I should have done over the finishing of it last week however I stupidly thought I was to make it and leave it as is so the misses can put it how she wanted it.

    Luck to that thinking brought my son shoving his giant foot into the bottom panels that were immediately obliterated by his weight, side note they are thin canvas pieces that if not ripped hold well.

    I was in the case we were with the doctor for a chunk of time I have been making sure my wife is good, we did order some barbecue which overall was pretty good. However have ever bought a piece of chicken that you could swear is synthetic, or I don’t know made out of some other type of carbon item that isn’t meat? That was in this meal there was brisket, pulled pork, chicken, three meat choices, some sides, voila. And somehow this barbecue place manages to make chicken come off as fake.

    Even the missus and I talked about it and how it was expected that it would be a a piece of chicken like breasts or maybe a fat thigh, grilled, char marks on it and and sizzling. This was more like a Tyson piece of chicken that you buy when in a rush and when no intention of good flavor is in plan.

    Anyhow, overall the day was okay, I’m hoping Tuesday, tomorrow, that I’ll be able to not only converse with the doctor, not only converse with lawyers, but at least get things flowing in a direction where I know I’m not grinding my face against the pavement.

    I stated in previous posts I am aiming on being as good of a person as I can be, as decent of a person and as kind of a man for my son and my wife on a daily and everyday forward. Sometimes, things are misunderstood, things are misrepresented, things are overwhelmingly thought otherwise.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night my readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Seventy, March 10th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I don’t know if my friend John or my cousin Laura who essentially is his wife now, if either of them read anything that I post on here. It’s not that I want him to it’s not that I don’t want him to it’s more or less I don’t want him to think that I’m taking him for granted taking advantage of him or using him.

    I don’t know why but over the weekend him and I met we talked for a little bit honestly it was rather brief. I say that but of course his daughter was heading down from springs and was going to be hanging out and having a nice little kind of weekend time with John and the family. But for some reason shortly after I got back home I started to feel guilty. And I don’t know why. The thing is what I was initially hired for when I first met John was to communicate figure out what he was wanting with the Memoirs and start helping kind of curate his design. The biggest thing I’ve tried to do since meeting John is one maintaining a voice for creating something that wasn’t there, and an editing to how he is to convey what he wants to share.

    At times we converse like friends, other times we converse like work partners, but for some reason doing this, doing the poetry, telling the stories that I’m also trying to produce here, there is a tiny tinge of guilt.

    I do not know why that is, and the last few days I search within the reasons I carry guilt, decisions I have made that result in guilt, and take to scratching my head. Is it a concept we’ve let religion somewhat force to our beings?

    The gentleman and I are gentle with our words and when communicating over the memoirs and life we tend to enjoy one another and the conversations. So why the guilt? I cherish him, the respect he shows, the talks we have and I hope to still have with him encourage a wanting to strive for my own niche.

    Again I don’t know, I’d love to have an answer for the guilt that still follows, maybe I’ll get my thumb on it and pull it from myself eventually, or maybe a Shakabuku to the mind will be all that’s needed.

    Shakabuku: Def. – a swift and hefty kick to the head that alters one’s reality forever.

    Maybe we all need that time and again to help reassure our aim, help rectify our beings and the model we call us.

    With what has been talked about recently here in focus and aim, I do hope to bring a balance to knowing and being okay with not knowing, with a striving to be something better. Whether for life, others, self, or just being a decent human seems to be a good goal. Why not right?

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Nine, March 9th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Good evening, good morning, whatever hour of the day it is and your time good day, that is I hope you are having a good day. I found that I write and realized I don’t know who I am writing to or four.

    I want to help, I want to point in the right direction, I want to do well. Or kindness, something of value, or something that not only has you wanting to see what’s going on again, but has a destination.

    One thing I do like about this, WordPress, the blog, is it is genuinely a journal entry, I wasn’t one to do journaling back in the day, I would do one little journal thing for an English class, thank you Ms. Wolf for that one. And my short story writing was just that. It was short story writing which was myself having fun and having an adventure in my head and putting it on paper. What stories I do write are still that and the journaling is something new. But still the same with instead of just encompassing an hour of a day of a stupid teen now it encapsulates a stupid adult and the parenting, and everything else under the Sun that is mine I guess. But what for? For life, for living, for knowing eventually, and possibly soon, death will take me.

    But the thing is, well it’s true and I think maybe that’s why I’m here…maybe that’s the purpose.

    I have stated in the past and to reiterate, I was a very stupid young man, I was dumb, brash, immature and more than idiotic. One day though, I woke up and I decided I do not want that life, I didn’t want violence, I didn’t want to be a statistic, nor did I want any more negativity tied to me than I had created myself. I slowly started to take the steps to be the change I wanted to see. And I strive daily to be that. But with what I’m seeing in language and reality, I would much rather stay in maintaining positivity and love, with light.

    Essentially that’s how I want to live, it is how I am choosing to live. I breathe In the words of Latin. Memento Mori. Meaning “remember you must die“. And I take each step with intention. But that doesn’t mean I don’t lose focus, especially considering this last week, sometimes focus has to change due to other circumstances shifting needs. Luckily I’ve got tethers to help, factors of my own, writing, art, memoirs editing, and other choices like house duties. And with those I aim in making sure what I do isn’t for nothing. And I try to do this with the mantras of Memento Mori and Nosce Te Ipsum as my talisman.

    To know myself and have the knowledge that life is brief has helped make sure each day has a significant poignancy to it. I cherish the minutes I share with my wife and son. I cherish the time I have with my friend John, my brother Ben and his wife, my dogs, conversations with my mom, books, art, and the contrast of life and the many alcoves that seem to be available at a moments notice for so many shades of perspective and actuality. Life is a conundrum wrapped in a bow, adorned in glitter, dressed with obsidian, and boxed in alabaster.

    Playlist #0.1

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night readers.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Eight, March 8th, 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    The day has been drifting, the time inching, and I’ve taken the opportunity to enjoy the present, enjoy my family, and take on as many cuddles from my little boy as can be tolerated.

    But it did bring a thought. One I feel we all tend to ask ourselves when losing traction or focus. What am I doing?

    A poem:

    Thought.

    The power of the mind, the traction of our thoughts, the power we give the things that are so, so irrational.

    Love.

    A feeling, tremendously fragile, tempting fate, tempting life, Love. An underrated, understated, most verbally related form of justified sensation.

    Thoughts.

    The darkness shrouds, and the light is fleeting, my mind is always staying to task, oh no, no it’s not, the darkness shrouds, the thoughts they stick, no they don’t. Thoughts.

    Like butterflies bouncing from chest to mind to mind to hand to hand to foot,butterflies bounce and bounce with thoughts and feelings, emotions dark and light, the butterflies bounce and bounce flutter and trounce, and all I want is to collect them in order smallest to biggest, smallest to biggest.

    Love and thoughts thoughts and love I say hi-ho and so it goes to repeat another, to repeat another, to repeat another.

    End.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Seven, March 7th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Today is the premiere of Kung Fu Panda 4. Though you may not think this a big deal, for my wife and I, it is very much indeed. Given our son, his autism, and the avenues and prospective pathways he has to communicate he has chosen one of our favorites to convey feelings. Excitement. Jubilation. And total awesomeness. We’ve had the honor of watching each one with him, a few in theaters, this being his first premiere night viewing. Of course it’s here in our hometown where there is no red carpet, no star list , but luckily our son makes that himself in finding the beauty with having these moments.

    The morning started out simply, though I did fight the alarms, I took a moment’s breath to seize a second of silence, but started right before six o’clock. Started a shower, gathered clothes for the boy, gathered the same for the Mrs. Readied her lunch, her smoothie, the ice water, the chips for the nephew, clothed the little guy, readied his lunch and brushed the knots away till he was grimacing and shining for his day. I walked the Mrs. to the car once again with the bags for school and a kiss. The little guy left with the bus about ten minutes later followed by about an hour with the dogs.

    It has been a good day, though somewhat uneventful. This is due to, well I took a look at jobs. You know the WFH type. But for a stay-at-home parent who needs to make sure it is available when my son gets picked up from home at 7:15 and dropped off back at home  at 11:15. So now I have this precarious and rather tight schedule, a schedule that I need to manifest somehow a job that one: get paid a pretty penny, two: can manage it better than this last job, and three: actually understand the job without the slingshot ‘training’.

    I know it’s asking for a lot and it’d be easier with the finished degree, job history not so sparse, and wanting to work endlessly.

    Still not finding much luck with law firms though in not wanting to take the case, however my sister is telling me to just use unemployment and being let go incorrectly I can bring attention that way, thing is…I don’t want to choose that route, at least not till there’s nothing left.so I lingered sulking, staring at the same screen for too damn long, looked at a few more articles to do with my essay subject and wrote out a  sh”*** draft for tweaking, cleaning, editing, and turning in tomorrow


    Kung Fu Panda 4

    Kung Fu Panda 4
    Copyrights: DreamWorks and IMDB (2024)

    I like to consider myself a cinephile, and I’ll admit I’m a bit partial to animation, that said I had thoughts about this one.

    Kung Fu Panda, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Kung Fu Panda 3, were each epic in their own way in the telling of Po’s tale to enlightenment, inner peace, and awesomeness. Personally, I’m a massive fan of music tying in with film and Kung Fu Panda 2 does a phenomenal job of moving the viewer through the scenes in a dramatic form that closes with shattering clarity. But as I’m not a spoiler fan, I’d say simply check it out, available on Netflix (Kung Fu Panda 3), and or Peacock (Kung Fu Panda and Kung Fu Panda 2). Anyhow I digress. The series is a smashing success.

    However, originally the rumors for the fourth film were limited, brief and often shots in the dark. One, that I managed to hold onto, was that the Furious Five and original cast would be in it. Villain had yet to be determined as well as plot. But I was hooked the moment I saw Dustin Hoffman and Jack Black signing on, I kept my ear to the news horn and hoped it’d develop to bigger and better. Then about a year ago the rumor was that the Furious Five would not be making an appearance, that the villain was new, Black was still on as well as Cranston, Hong, and Hoffman. I hesitated, even held my breath toward expecting something worth viewing on the big screen. As it’s known sequels suck a plenty and a plenty suck.

    So come the fourth film of what has become a great set of movies, still shrouded in lack of verified details, I wasn’t sure to expect anything but similar graphics as the trailer had shown this already. And Awkwafina. We had seen Migration, have seen Awkwafina in a few shows and have appreciated the humor. So it started to look promising.

    It’s premiere night here in our hometown, the theater is quiet, it’s still a school week and we’re ready

    Slushies, popcorn, water, candy, and more popcorn, glimmer lights of the show and we enjoyed every second. Watching the story open the way it did and provide what can become a next step or story was not only exciting but well done with not relying on the Furious Five or any other villainous tropes as seen in the previous three. But to have Jack Black cover “Baby One More Time” at the end was icing on the cake.

    It was certainly a treat with a good lesson, good story, and solid finishing touches for either a complete close or opening for more. Time will tell I guess.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Six, March 6th, 2024 Hours Three, Four, and Five and On…

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I may have underestimated the length in how long a closet organizer would take. Good God damn I definitely underestimated. Of course counting the feeding the dogs, playing with them, and getting them back into the house, along with the putting together the closet set would’ve likely taken me less time. But that’s more of an obvious statement than anything else.

      That was a slow and chaotic evaluation of what I thought I could do and what I didn’t do at all. Yes I did the folding yes I did the dishes yes I did the setting up the closet organizer which is actually rather cool it takes up a lot more space than I had envisioned obviously never judge a picture for what it is.

    I’m also find myself at a curious point. To which I will try to elaborate more on tomorrow. I’ll give a wrap up of how the six went how my 7th went and what I’m looking forward to.


    To give you going to sleep may you rest easy to those of you waking may it be blissful and gentle. And for those of you waking may your night to come be blissful and more peaceful than you had hoped.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Six, March 6th, 2024 Hours 1 & 2.

    Hello and hi-ho.

    My first hour consists of first grabbing jeans and likely the T-shirt from the night before (today was a fresh shirt grab), I try to make sure that I don’t forget deodorant always got to make sure I don’t forget deodorant. Then I grab my wife a tank, sports shorts and sweats, usually an oversized shirt as she likes being comfortable while doing her make up. And then a quick scurry over to the kitchen where I set up a lunch: turkey-colby-Jack pickle roll-ups, sliced fruits, and a protein smoothie for the Mrs. My son’s usual protein bar packed crunch fest and both get a water bottle with ice.

    We help our little guy get dressed, we wrestle with him to brush teeth, brush hair, and finally he likes his shoes, the new ones that don’t look like they can start a conversation. This is a big deal for him, for us, definitely deserves a quiet ‘woot woot‘. I help the Mrs to the car carrying her bags, loading them in the passenger seat and kiss her away. We sign we love her, wave goodbye and I issue my boy to put his hoodie on.

    And now I relax while opening up my project for the day which is a closet organizer from Temu, I think it may be from Amazon as a matter of fact. But I can’t remember it may be from Amazon though it usually is.

    Not sure what else to do, maybe play with the dogs for the next thirty minutes. I know I’ll listen to the song over and again though that’s playing in my headphone.

    Waiting for an email. And then I guess I’ll just start applying for a job somewhere. After organizing the closet thing if I can. F***!

    C’est la vie

    Good morning.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Five, March 5th, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho.

    I was trying to find the silver lining. After being removed from my position yesterday, I stood aimlessly, drifting and in a void of confounded dizzying. Even still the night of the 5th I am trying to wrap my head around with my wording and how to convey this not being right.

    Right quick, I will and do take complete and total accountability and responsibility if there was or is something that I had done that was unforgivable, immature, unprofessional or otherwise. Now what has me very curious into what happened how it happened and what I hadn’t requested that made it where me getting fired had me getting fired. And I don’t know how to convey to a lawyer that something is a miss, something is a foot.

    The thing is, I addressed my concerns after the infusion, just the first of the first-round which that first round takes two infusions, the first being two weeks between one another and then a six-month wait before that second infusion. In that second infusion is in fact the second because number one and two at the beginning is only for the initial first infusion. I know it’s confusing, but it is true.

    I communicated with my team, I communicated with everybody that I had been having some difficulty, noticing some changes, asking for this, asking for that, which had me leaning into HR requesting for part-time. And after that part-time request, after it was finalized, and turned in just last week I got fired this f****** Monday. What the actual f*** went wrong? What the f*** step, what did I not communicate? What is there that I’m missing? Was it something that I did incorrectly? That didn’t have a reason or at least there was askew? What was that something that was ignored? At least that’s how it feels, that’s what it seems like. Maybe I am losing my f****** mind but god damn it I really f****** hope that’s not the case.

    Sorry for the language but it is what it is. Luckily it’s censored, apparently my mic is programmed to *** the graphic content. Hahahaha.

    I’m perturbed and while dealing with this, calling firms, hoping for an assist in how to address this. I’m trying to see the silver lining. Do I immediately jump on a prospective job? Do I take a moment and take care of the items that have fallen to the wayside? Do I reel in my focus for school and the side job? My art?

    Just this last day alone I was able to get most of the laundry beast to its caverns, nooks, and crevices. Was able to clean up the kitchen counters and dishes (kitchen floor and table tomorrow), was able to play with my boy and breathe a bit, it was a panicked shaking breathing but, still a breath.

    We’ll see, maybe I’ll do a journal post through each hour tomorrow. We’ll see how productive I can be at home. Here, where I always am.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, to those waking good morning and good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Four, March 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I find myself saddened, a tad confused, and certainly taking a blow. The fact of the matter is I was let go from my position at work.

    So as to not deal with legalities I will simply state this: I was working for a customer service company on going to HR and requesting a part-time position, getting my doctor’s approval, signing my own permissions approval, and finalizing everything last week, I was let go today. And I would even like to add that in a near celebratory way I was offered VTO for “a longer weekend to make sure I was refreshed and ready for the next week.”

    I’m trying to figure out what I can, trying to make sense of what steps I took and how I managed to lose my job, and how to make sure I can get another one sooner than later cuz this, well, this is a lot. And I am about up to the brim and done with s*** hitting the fan. I’m just tired.

    Though I may wallow, silently if I may add, try to end up on top right. Even if it’s considered the top for myself not for the company I just got removed from or any other company. Hoping to talk to some legal people today because I was literally in the middle of talking with HR upon getting fired and I don’t get it.

    So yeah that wraps up my Monday, I’ve got a lot of s*** to do, I’ve got a lot of planning to do, and now that I have all this free time, I have a lot of cleaning I need to do cuz I don’t know that’s just how the f****** cookie crumbles.

    C’est la vie

    Those of you chasing the night may it be gentle, and those waiting for the morning may it be a breeze of peace. Good morning and good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Three, March 3rd, 2024

    Hi ho and hello.

    Ever have those days where you could swear you smell like s*** and you likely have crap running down your leg or remaining from a bad bathroom moment earlier that morning?

    I did that today. I grabbed my dogs this morning, a little later than I intended, because well I was being lazy and then the smaller one started barking more incessantly than usual, finally I got my cranky ass up, grabbed em, took them outside and got them fed. And I could have swore that somehow at some moment throughout the morning I had crappe myself and forgot. I had gone all day sniffing the air like a psycho thinking that there was just immediate s*** directly in front of me beside me underneath me above me somewhere had to be f****** somewhere.

    Turns out the smaller pup got a tummy ache ended up kind of losing his bowels and I apparently just didn’t catch the smell or even the muck on his bed before picking him up and taking him outside. So that got on my finger, I put my hand and my pocket smearing said s*** down into my jean pocket and on to my jeans.

    So I had not shot myself, but I did put s*** on myself, completely unaware of doing so but that’s where the snow is coming from and somehow I just completely missed it I don’t know how because my jeans are blue and s*** is you know well it’s the color of s***. Sorry for cussing so much in this one it was dealing with a circumstance that kind of called for it right?

    So that pretty much sums up my day. I had s*** on me all day and didn’t know. Pretty much grasps the daily muckery of the chaos that happens we tend to overlook I guess. But I do hope that my submission for school comes with an A and that my submission for lit up tomorrow morning comes with good news.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, have a glorious good morning and darling good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-Two, March 2nd, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho, 61 days down, and oh so many to go…that is I hope. I figure I’ll just keep it up with the thoughts-journal till I either run out of money, lose the ability, or pass.

    Sorry, ghoulish humor.

    Apparently, I ask too many questions, make little sense, and am more than confusing. Even here, at home, with my family.


    And of course the day later I find myself editing this work which is why I have that separator to let you know that this is being edited Sunday. Personally I take the time to gather my thoughts and I also take the time to be conscientious of not only what I’m sharing but how I’m talking and what I’m talking to or for I also like to keep my marriage alive if that’s possible.


    Marriage is, well it’s definitely a trick, a very self-motivated conscious effort in making sure that the relationship is balanced and beneficial for the both of you. At least that’s what I’m thinking…?

    And to anybody married myself included I don’t mean that as and insult mentioning marriage being a trick. It just takes a lot of effort from both parties. More than I ever had assumed or even thought would be required especially as a younger person, especially as a teen. I was straight up a s*** ass and I know that also know that the first large chunk of my marriage was destructive and I don’t know I feel like there is hope, but I also feel that if I make the wrong moves, she’s not going to want to stay.

    Sorry whoa…a lot of this is stemming from stresses that we’ve been faced with our son growing, getting beyond that little boy age, and needing more stimuli, more conversation, and did I mention constipation.

    It’s what has the weekend so mismatched mixed up, hahaha f****** constipation.

    C’est la vie

    the night has me I’ve got stories I need to do I have scored to finish and I’m going to try to see if I can get a job on lithub.com, if you would wish me luck.

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you, to everyone, to anyone.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty-One, March 1st, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Happy day, happy day.

    March 1st, beginning of the coming spring due the 19th this month and I’m more than elated, you?

    Now, mind you I’m not big on the heat, as it leaves me drained more than often, but to finally be able to wear a shirt and jeans without the needed layers for warmth, is a much appreciated change. Which to begin with my original post was going to have details about flip flops, sandals, and bullying, to which, I have no idea what the f*** I was trying to talk about nor do I remember.

    But that’s life isn’t it? A matter of memory, remembering, thought, intention, meaning, and the duration of how the meaning impacts or affects you, me, life, and everything around us.

    But are you the type of person that believes in this theory? In the theory that we are in fact each tied to one another, everything, and all things?

    It doesn’t make me vegan or what have you, but I feel it’s a good way of living, kind of like the Jimi Hendrix line about “Music being a safe kind of high.”

    I feel if we each take time to recognize that we are so much more alike than we care to admit, that we’re connected to so many other varieties of life, birds, pets, water, the plants, even the inanimate, would you feel less alone? Will the prospects of sensations that circumnavigate through loneliness, well, would they be non-existent?

    I digress, family focus and building up some techniques with my son and Lobo, I hope you all have a wonderful Friday had a wonderful Friday and hope my Saturday post makes it in time that it’s actually dropping on Saturday on like today which is a Saturday drop for Friday well now I just feel like the Willy Wonka guy with the 2 I can’t just do 2. Hahaha, if only you could be in my head to connect the tether to the connection to the Wonka to the thought to the now. Trust me I know it’s convoluted in more than confusing. So is life right?

    C’est la vie.

    May you all have a blessed good night and wonderful good morning and those of you waking may it be a blessed morning with a wonderful night’s rest to come.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Sixty, February 29th, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho

    I’ve been feeling guilty for my friend and the memoir. Given he’s writing and I’m editing, I feel that there’s an expectation to hat it’d be whipped up and finalized sooner. However this is merely my own fear, given we’ve shared many a discussion of life and the pursuit and an understanding it may take time, more time than expected. So why the guilt?

    I think of Neil Gaiman’s ‘View From the Cheap Seats’ an autobiographical that covers life and growing, writing and love, comics and being a husband, parent, and the tribulations that transpire throughout. But, I’m here to discuss Harlan Ellison, his soapbox, and the project he went on to show and demystify the idea of what it is to be a writer. Ellison would go from bookstore to bookstore at numerous locations throughout the U.S. to show the practice, the duration of idea to finger to paper, to being posted on the glass windows at whichever spot he’d be at and voila. 100 short stories later and I think, this should be like that right? 100 short stories, a little over a year of our project and I’ve made just a slight dent to the whole of what’s wanted for this memoir. But then in truth, there are long durations where Ellison admits, he’d wander, whether it was in mind or body, he’d putz about pondering the next page, next chapter, that next step. Gaiman does, King, well I don’t know, he whips them out like I eat, but I feel even he’d drift in thought, pause for a moment, maybe a day and get back to it. But that’s what it is to be writing. Thought, planning, silent and invisible outlines draped across our eyes, while we take a scalpel to it and partition, splice, and rearrange what is wanted.

    My days start with thought, planning, and almost immediately an editing to the steps I take, the writing I did the might before, what I’m doing, and what is planned to be done. What’s nearly comical, is that the more I find myself with less to do, I do more.

    I’ve found myself with two silent weeks of no Discussion Questions or subject readings for school, two minute projects, and all the time in the world to edit memoirs, paint, write for DreamDarkStories, and be a dad and husband.

    In some areas I have more success than others. Guess it turns out like that sometimes. Anyhow to those who read and if keeping track some of my stuff is dropped a little late sometimes too late so I’m going to try to drop this just a little after midnight from the last day of February.

    C’est la vie

    May you all have a wonderful night and a wonderful most glorious morning, and for those of you who are seeing the morning may it be peaceful and may the night that come be just as gentle.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Fifty-Nine, February 28th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Ever have those days where you just don’t get it? You don’t get why there’s anger, you hear an explanation, you get the slew of angry banter and utter “I don’t know”. Sometimes it just comes off like something inflamed, torched, and you do everything you can to understand why this one little thing, seemingly innocuous, unintended, and an inquiry? Why? And then I find myself thinking to myself is it the anger that I see? Is that a varied expression of love itself? Am I crazy? Or, is it genuinely that there’s so much frustration due to the hopes and wanting for expectations that it doesn’t fit the cut? And of course you may think I’m asking this question to you, and maybe I am, but I feel like I’m asking this to anybody and everybody. Why do we expect everyone to flow and work the way we want it to work why do we get so damn irritated at people when it doesn’t go the way we assumed or had hoped it was going to be?

    I dig. I dig away at the layers, uncover the bones, the tattered rags of years long lost, I dig. I question you, question me, I can’t decide which is and isn’t. Ne’er a worry, I dig. I dig at the sludge, dig at the heart, the levels from skin to bone, I dig. A darkness holds me close, I dig, my heart begins to bleed and the layers become revealing, the levels unraveling, I dig, callous and wounds, life and difference, I dig. I dig. I dig. Ne’er a stop, I dig, ne’er a thought, hands pounding raw and I dig. Incapable of stopping, a need, a call, a compelling to dig, dig, dig. My heart races, it pounds, it thunders to my ears with cacophonic atrocities as I dig, sigh, sweat my tears, and dig.

    When is too much too much?

    I’m out for the night/day, I’m tired and need a reset.

    C’est la vie

    Good morning and good night, good night and good morning.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Fifty-Eight, February 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello,

    Ever remember an uncle, dad step dad I don’t know, maybe a grandfather even holding a straw and asking you to flick it with your thumb. And of course mind you that straw isn’t just a standing single straw it’s tightly twisted over and over from both end points until there is that massive pocket of air in the tube with no release from either end. And then you have that uncle, father, Grandpa or maybe an auntie who thought it was fun holding it at your face telling you to flick it as hard as you can. Do you remember that?

    And they would be there crouching down at your face, hands holding this precariously dealt with straw, and if you’re like me, you’re looking at them with this “what the f*** am I supposed to do?” face.

    Sorry Dad, grandpa, uncle, likely uncles plural on that one. There were so many times where looking at this odd straw object seeing their faces of giddy and reveling expectation for the loudest onomatopoeia available without using technology, this apparently was too much to bear.

    And sadly to my dismay and apparently my weak ass freaking fingernails, that mother f****** straw never f****** snapped, my dad would wrap up another straw pointed at another brother a cousin or an uncle next to me whether it was a picnic or family gathering and POW. Apparently I was not capable of making such astounding cacophony of sound for those very slight moments of Life Time.

    I don’t know why but there’s a space between the sense I have, those around me, what I think they might think, and the actual reality. It leaves me thinking I’m a fool, or behind, missing the joke. Maybe I am, sometimes I miss what’s right there, maybe it’s due to being bored, tired, or both. But honestly I just kind of like watching life work. And yeah there will be an underlying note of humor or a silver lining of revelations that no one but me and whoever is watching the thoughts within get it but again it’s something personal. It ends up being something that I find funny whether it’s about the humor of one thing connected to another, the dichotomy of b******* and other nonsense, I just like observing apparently and when expected to react I’ve found that I either give the “I don’t know” as I like to state in my journaling, or I panic and sometimes, especially at a younger stupid age, my panicking would become more idiocy fueled.

    Anyhow the day has been long, disappointing, and I question whether what I say is me feeding myself a line. Or like dreams, it’s my way of reigning in the chaos. That’s why I close with the Latin each journal, it means “know thy self“. This is me trying to figure that out.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night.

    Nosce Te Ipsum