Dream Dark Stories

Category: M. R. Vega

  • Day One Hundred & Three, April 12th, 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    Carl Jung’s Five Pillars, today we are addressing one, the first, and one that will likely be addressed time and again.

    Pillar One : Good physical and mental health.

    The thought of individuation comes to mind. Adversity is a large topic though too, that hangs over the pillar with wicked barbs awaiting my skin. But I’d like to pivot here due to an article I recently found having to do with my personal health journey.

    Which had me go down the rabbit hole of past searches in  my history and this took a considerable length of time to find. What I did manage to find was a case if not an honorable absolution to how we with disabilities are to circumvent the trauma and issues that we face on a daily basis, especially having to do with this intimate and personal experience. It is mine.

    It is my daughter’s prom night today and through the getting her ready for the night that didn’t end up faring well and all the prep in just being a family and supporting her there were many times where my confusion depicted that of a fool. What and who was saying whatever was coming out of my mouth? And sadly that was only hours ago I can’t recall and these moments worry me. Because they’re like the sentence fragmenting you read here. That’s my mind, it’s in tiny bits of solutions and dictation in living with very little foundation to be seen. And though it’s there, it is lively, but due to those blanked spaces in my brain, most of it is fractured. Like a photo torn and regretted then taped back with minute parts missing. There was a moment where I very much became honest with my child in telling how regretfully fearful I am in doing anything and taking the strides forward not knowing where I’m going. That I’m nearly always finding myself in a position of sensation of whether I’m going or coming and what was done that was wrong.

    There’s almost this petrifying to the limbs while moving forward, there’s almost a creeping halt in the mental space that is trying not to let go of what can be considered a tether to being positive and finding that happiness we are forever journeying towards. I told my daughter she has no idea how truly confused and upside down my world is half the time if not more. This is something I can confidently say is a salting to the wounds. When the time is quiet and I have a moment if not longer to collect and outline the plan for success in future is one thing, and on good days can be seen as rather positive, and I love those days. But the older I’m getting (33 now), the harder it’s becoming. I’m finding that I’m putting my cane out in the house it’s visual it’s right there ready I’m finding myself running into things and losing my footing and clamoring to a wall or a couch and gaining my footing again and again and again and then I watch these f****** commercials about the medication I’m taking the infusions, I’m getting and I’m really wanting to talk to them, those people that took this medicine as a beneficial aid, because since I started taking it, it just seems to be getting harder and more difficult.

    And yet except for today being late I’ve been pretty on it consecutively. I don’t know if that’s means anything. What I’m trying to do is build up a regime to better my strength, meditate daily using Google’s Balance, and consistently journal for myself outside of what is posted here. It’s finding the lengths and gaps I need to attribute to recoup time after each. The body is needing some more prepping and I think therapy may be on the forefront to bettering my first pillar. Til tomorrow.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night. I will be better put together tomorrow, stay safe and rest kindly, thank you for the support and repeated coming back

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & Two, April 11th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I’m one to favor the prospects within the scopes of philosophy or better yet, philosophies. Life isn’t made for the dualism, for a right and wrong. Of course this can be argued depending on perception and the likes but there are many a variety to the colour scenes of life, it isn’t just black and white, there are folds and folds of grays that find their own caveats to reinstall an ideology for life and what is and how it’s to be lived.

    I find this beautiful. Call me romantic, what have you, but to think of the more than eight billion breathing, living, and pulsing through each day, the knowledge that each has their own steps, their own mind and matter of will to be made is astounding.

    Since I’ve started my stoicism practices I’ve done some introspective cataloging and refurbishing to my mental space. One of these biggest strides in efforts has to do with happiness. It’s a paradox to start and something that’s fleeting like the moving sun that is always available just not at a moment’s grasp. From my personal journey I’ve found that curating a system or routine has helped a lot in finding happiness, but to my dismay after some further reading, I may be needing a few more tiers to aim for. Which, let us introduce the famed and much  appreciated Carl Jung, a Swiss psychoanalyst that was closely associated with that of Freud. He primarily encapsulates the archetypes, the personas, and a synchronicity of management with life.

    However, he also makes a great case for the group of ‘pillars’ that are needed to strengthen for bettering the grasp of happiness and maintaining a capability to hold it near often.

    With this I am trying to apply those five pillars into my everyday life. As Carl Jung addresses there is this consistent striving for being happy and in that journey there is a noticeable negativity that also is a variable of life and our goal to become happier. But within those emotions this idea of fear and the anguish that takes from that of happiness it’s more a survival method. It’s something that is within our becoming of human that kept us resilient, kept us on our toes, and kept us objectively prepared for things to take a turn, and God forbid for the worse.

    Brooks encapsulates the purpose for that wanting of happiness and how it’s a genuine need for humanity and are striving towards the future with allowing a generous accountability in relating Jung’s perspective on happiness and a need of an existence to happiness. Do you believe it exists or the brief and near spontaneous moments where happiness is? Do you think it’s a matter of the kind and what we perceive to be happiness? Is drinking a warm cup of coffee while silence overwhelms the space of the kitchen happiness? Is there happiness to the monotony of doing the dishes?

    And I think that’s where Jung does a really fantastic job of giving the idea of these five pillars, each of their own design to the emotional value of who and what we are. Then in keeping maintenance of those five pillars they manifest an ability to be aware of what happiness is and how you can attain it at any given moment?

    Jung’s Pillars

    • Good health in Body and Mind
    • Good personal relations, intimate connections like marriage, Family, and friends.
    • Being able to see the beauty of the art and life, nature, being
    • Realistic and adequate standard and satisfactory work
    • A philosophical or religious backing that helps create resilience

    All five of these pillars are things I am very much trying to address, even within my practice of following stoic philosophies of Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, to maintain a grasp on all five of these pillars. The thing I realize I complain a lot about the relationship that I see daily and deal with daily and I’m realizing that I need to apply the Five pillars to myself, and myself alone to be able to create my own personal foundation and better myself and the outcome for everything I do. And in doing this I hope that I can one, revive my relationship. Two, build a better site for everybody. Three, and create a genuine place for art and stories to match what I’m trying to create.

    So to wrap us up very quickly I apologize, again the day and the night have, been, well they’ve been rough, but anyhow I will be addressing each of these pillars through the next coming weeks, there will be some art and I have two stories that I plan on hopefully finishing before the end of the week, and again Jung tomorrow and the pillars.

    I need to take care of my health and get some sleep.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning good morning and good night. Thank you very much supportive readers, thank you very much for your continued reading, thank you have a wonderful one.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One Hundred & One, April 10th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    So this damn MS is the degradation of the myelin sheath (that’s the shield component that’s wrapped around the spine and the nerves). In essence what is happening currently and daily, hourly through life the myelin sheath is eating itself away, making it where all the nerves around whichever areas are highly impacted, they get damaged and die.

    So a couple months ago I panicked and somewhat demanded my neurologist to set up some scans and double check to make sure everything’s good. The reasons why was due to my face starting to get droopy, my gaite was changing, my sense of time, and conversation, a finding the right words… it’s become more difficult and more difficult.

    What I find humorous is when you go and do appropriate research, the findings for testing of Ocrevus are adequate to the ordeal it addresses. Positive, most definitely. However there’s the John Cunningham virus (JCV), a type of human polyomavirus. And when using Ocrevus and a myriad of other medications for many different purposes, the JCV can be reactivated for those who test positive. Guess what?

    That’s me!!!

    I am positive for the JCV, I am noticing a large amount of changes, enough that I’m needing to have my cane around, a lot, and it doesn’t seem the MS is slowing…yes I lament. It is something that sucks much more than you can comprehend and I don’t mean that rudely.

    Thing is I’m very proud of the strength and ability I have to provide for my son and my wife, and more and more it’s getting hard, it becomes a struggle to communicate appropriately and in a sense of old manner that can be understood, and I’m starting to lose a matter of strength when it comes to having fun with my son playing and roughhousing, wrestling, tickle fights, and piggy back rides. To top that there’s this matter of anxieties and concerns of health, because if life expectancy is cut short, my wife is on her own with our son. And this little guy, truly my lights for everything, is nonverbal with autism, and he needs somebody there, most of the time. He loves the tiny community he has with his parents and the therapist that he enjoys company with and the occasional uncle or two that come by. But outside of that what he loves and truly seems to want every day no matter what is his parents and the idea of not being able to be here for him something that sucks. So that’s again why I’m here to talk about taking advantage of living each day as best as you can and as fortuitous as possible. Live out life as best as you can.

    Playlist #0.5

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. I truly hope you wonderful supporters and readers have a beautiful day and beautiful night and that life on is beautiful and wondrous.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • A Quote

    Hi-ho and hello.

    Trying to be positive through life calls for a large amount of energy doesn’t it? At least this is something that I find through the days that creates a lamenting for the time, for this unforeseen loss of something forgotten but it’s due to a dedication in maintaining being a pillar for those we raise, for the ones we love, and want to bring happiness to.

    I feel Aurelius grasps a sensational idea of the emotions we hold to burden our hearts and minds daily and how we process the anguish, the frustration, and how much we let it become a fastidious adversity to our wholes.

    I talk from experience, as I let so many worries and anxieties become an object and variable to the completions of the days. In just being a partner to my wife, guiding my son toward being somewhat independent, at least enough to ask for help for himself, and making sure the night ends on a good note, it calls for a methodical plan to being positive, refraining from the negative realities, even if they’re just from myself or an idea of us, it’s something that, yes can be thought of, but not given power to, given fuel for, in feeding the worries, in extrapolating to what it is that festers, you let it grow, and it becomes a manifestation that is harder to tame.

    The worst part about letting it build and gain momentum with the negativity is it does affect our souls, it curates the behaviours and the way we create to the whole continuing on due to the fears you let take hold.

    So if you find yourself gaining the firing red frustrations or liquid worries that flow from side to side within the head, take a rest, take a breath, and before you react take a nap.

    Going to try to close each post with a song or playlist. Hope you enjoy.

    C’est la vie

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Light!!!

    One tiny moment in time. Live it as brightly as you can to shine, to all, to everyone.

    C’est la vie

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Seven, April 6th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I hope you all are having a pleasant weekend. My weekend has been interesting to say the least.

    To start Friday came with a fire sparking up on the north side of the city and then came this:

    fire at EVRAZ steel mill sent black smoke over the city of Pueblo Friday afternoon, April 5, 2024 – EVRAZ Steel Mill.., img : CPR.org

    This fire was on the south end, east of I-25 and blotting the sky. From our porch the billows of dark smoke hadn’t died down till around 7:30 p.m.

    But what created the smorgasbord of ??? Was the fire and what was being cleaned up where that fire happened. Apparently the news has reported it was asbestos. Plumes of burning gaseous asbestos fire fairies chasing the darkening sky. With this news there came a report to stay in doors at all cost if possible til Monday. Yip Yip Yippee, fun fun fun, indoors for an unfortunate length with our child the screamer. Luckily the winds have been hellish though and pushing in a N/NE direction making me and my wife weary of the warning to begin with.

    I still find opportunities though to get my boy outside enough in the patio so he can scream to his heart’s desire. Sadly the dogs have had little time but I hope Sunday brings better fortune for the two of my scruffies.

    But the day was busy and long, appointments a plenty, shopping, and other missions for our daughters Prom next week. Numerous pickup stops at Sam’s and Walmart and did you know there’s a new Oreo with pop rocks.

    Had a mini mission for the students at Sam’s.

    Anyhow It’s nearing, no, no it’s past midnight and in the early morning of the seventh so I close shop til tomorrow.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and goodnight you wonderful and supportive readers. May your night be pleasant or the morning swiftly creeping up be gentle with grace and peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Six, April 5th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I found a book today of expressionist. It goes into detail about the start, what impressionism is, and the many varieties and artists that can be categorized as impressionists. And yes, lots of images of paintings, hundreds as a matter of fact.

    It’s an old coffee table book from back when I was a teen that I had taken from my parents home prior to them leaving for Alaska. It was tucked away neatly in the dusty shed of mine, why I put it there, I can only think it was due to size and not having a bookcase with cubbies tall enough to cradle it.

    The Impressionists by Gabriele Crepaldi

    Anyhow, about that job I mentioned yesterday and why I’m bringing the Impressionism book up. To start off, the job was a scam. I had been doing applications left and right and upon the first inquiry was elated about the prospective job offer, but I hesitated. Only for a moment and went on to do an interview and then…was told to copy and paste an invoice for a list of products I’d order and that would be used for the job. However I needed to send the invoice then get a check from the accounting office cash that into my bank account and then proceed in acquiring the products on said invoice list. I thought it be an odd start, but the staring hourly amount was enough I kept going. But I mentioned this situation to my wife who immediately smashed the bubble of happiness about the prospective job calling it a scam.

    In retrospect, I feel that I knew it, there was just something motivating about the prospect of my own monetary gain on my own account, but the details became not only red, but flaming torch red and scalding not only my pride, but certainly that Id we all have.

    So I marked the emails as spam, reported the company, and hoping one of the many applications attempted in will bring virtue. Fingers crossed right? But then that Impressionism book, why bring it up? Right? Yes. Why?

    Well I’ve been running steady with this blog finally, since January 1st, I have posted a few short stories, some poetry, and a wide range of art. While also doing a small amount of Instagram drops…but then an idea came and I’d very much like a response on this.

    Would you like art with explanation and a showing of how?

    Given I have  Smoldering MS, I thought It’d be a fun way of showing how my brain is affected and how seeing the visual depiction of a painting may not result in anything like what was originally shared from an impressionist of the past. Id also share how I work, my products and start sharing videos of the art studio. What do you say?

    Let me know please and I greatly appreciate the candor or any other suggestions.

    Pierre-Auguste Renoir – Dance at Bougival
    Pierre-Auguste Renoir – Girl with Straw Hat
    Claude Monet – Water Lilies

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and goodnight you lovely and cherished readers and supporters.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Five, April 4th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello all of you lovely supporters and readers.

    How are you? How is your Thursday afternoon? How is life?

    I ask this because today I woke up thinking damn, I’m in a lot of pain from doing yard work yesterday, I think I’m gonna take it easy after Pestie spraying.

    Okay well I was totally going to talk about getting a job exactly a month after losing the previous one which personally I thought was coincidentally perfect, but let’s talk about Pestie

    Pesties. Literally the best DIY pest control provider hands down. Growing up I was a massive fan of orkin given Southern Colorado and we’ve got a lot of roaches here in Pueblo depending on the moisture and well if you’ve got dogs they like the protein. However, using Pesties the last two years, has kept my house and domain critter free, ant-free, any little creepy crawly kind of bugger is no more and it makes life fantastic. Personally what I think is the coolest thing about this company, is the simple fact that they specially curate the cocktail that is given for the spray. So if you live in Wisconsin or wherever else in the US, Pestie curates the ingredients for your location and the problem critters that are at that location. I assure you based on personal trial and success it works and it works very very well. Another cherry on top of that is that if you end up finding critters in the household after spraying they will happily adjust and pay it back with an additional bag and no extra cost.

    I just wanted to cover something that I find is a great product, so by all means do check out Pestie.

    Link: https://pestie.com/

    To any of you readers and all of your readers I really do hope that you guys find that Pestie is as awesome as I’m making it sound because it really is. Just praising a good product and business

    Life, it’s an odd one, more and more I’m realizing talking is unneeded, communicating within my home b serves little purpose as of late and…I’m trying to balance that and my typical routines and how I go about my living with siphoning off the use of tongue and lip is…trying.

    So says Life.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and goodnight to you all, thank you for the support, the reading, and I hope to see you coming again. Have a lovely one to all.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Four, April 3rd, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    I hope you are all well. 

    It’s funny, you may think I don’t mean that genuinely, but I do, life is too f****** short in this world for us to not show our gratitude, our favor, our respect, and the genuine appreciation for breathing living and making the world go round. Not that humanity has anything to do with the motion of the oceans the sky or anything, well except for those chemtrails, hahaha.

    Anyhow life is too short truly truly truly life is too f****** short for us to get on the high horse and feel wronged by someone so far away they have nothing to do with us write it by justifications or a variable that you were aiming on using as a refuting towards what have you, it’s too f****** short. I tried to live my 24-hour day today as fully as possible the other day I was a bit late sorry. But on the other days like today, I get so enveloped in what I’m trying to do or succeed with that that’s it. And then later on down the road when I’m wanting to do something else I’m realizing I just exhausted the fuel and energy that my body had retained and now I’m just trying to catch up and that chase is equivalent to chasing your own tail.

    Life is too short. Embrace it, enjoy it, be grateful for the air you breathe the water you drink and then sensations that you get to feel every day. I find myself stuck in a house, and I use that language intentionally, I am here because I want to be here, I am here because I want to provide what I can for my wife, for my son, and for those that I can provide for in this domain. It’s not that I am literally stuck, it’s a matter of knowing things that need to be put on the back burner, things that need to be focused on, things that need to be helped or let us say fixed. So I take the time and I put the effort in and I make sure the effort is seen for myself, because really really what am I going to do waste my life trying to make everybody else happy that ever ever going to work for anybody? I don’t know there is a lot in life, a lot in life that none of us know or at least we don’t understand fully, and we have choices to either trust the people we love or at least hope for the best in the people that we do love. Anyhow, I will be dropping some poetry later today some more additions apply to the face I shared yesterday, and I have two short stories however the memoirs I move things around in a really odd way where I really got to fix that.

    Remember life is too short to hate, life is too short to be angry about everything in the world, life is too short to not be able to just breathe and appreciate the fact that you are breathing. How awesome is it, that your body without having to tell itself, is doing everything you’re doing right now without you telling it to, don’t you think that’s amazing? There’s something Beautiful about the mundane, that fine line of reality that can’t be mitigated by us and is simply moving like time, though time is a construct created by man, it’s forever going just as the sun and the moon. For as long as man has been on this planet the Sun and the Moon have been there but I know doing of anything by You Me or any ancestral past it from any of us. How awesome is it that so many of the things in life like a beautiful scene while driving or animals out in the wild flowers blooming insects buzzing birds chirping we have nothing to do with that that’s just life living that’s just living life, isn’t that beautiful? Another reason why I say life is too damn short, embrace it enjoy it live it breathe it and be it.

    I apologize this isn’t someone on a soapbox, there’s just something I don’t see a lot of people enjoy or appreciate and I kept having to remind myself yesterday and hell all through today even of that reality and how simple it is and how graceful I am for being able to wake each day, feel, the pain burning on my back, but there’s a sweetness that is added with that bitterness of that pain and I revel in knowing I’m alive. In knowing that you are alive, knowing the world is alive, this spherical monumentous Rock and its perpetual motion continuing to spin, spin, and spin while you breathe, I write, and we read. How beautiful is that?

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, forever a good morning and good night. And you truly hope you are well, and truly do I hope that your day and night is grateful and effortless in bringing peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Three, April 2nd, 2024

    Hello and s*** hi-ho I’m late. So damn late.

    So sorry it’s been a rough few days, feet literally dragging, lagging, I’m staring off into nothing and painting the things that trouble my mind.

    A Face by M. R. Vega (In Production)

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning good night, so sorry for the late post. The MS has been kicking my ass, I will be back fresh tomorrow peace dear readers,thank you.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-Two, April 1st, 2024

    Hi-ho and Hello

    Happy April 1st, the start of a new month, a tad after the start of the spring but still I think you get the gist,rather related, how about you?

    92 days into my project and I’m just now gathering that my site is shite, and I have a lot to narrow in focus. I’m going to stay home father, student, artist, writer, producer of what have you and I tumble, and I tend to trip over my thoughts and the planning and in doing so lose sight of the projects. I want to share all the music that I journey through on Spotify, I want to share the myriad, scratch that, the loads of Cinema and shows that I enjoy as well as the repeated viewings of stuff that I know gets a lot of flack like Rick and Morty or Corner Gas or Hannibal and I would love to talk about those things. I would love to talk about artists, musicians, and writers. But then I trip and I overthink it.

    Anyhow I’m going to try to do what I can to edit the essay that I have turned that in tomorrow morning after that I’m going to do everything I can to really maintain a set plan for what I’ll be bringing to the blog on a regular what avenues I’ll be peering into and sharing from those and really really trying to wrap up the site into a type of magazine or I don’t know art site op-ed site. Anyhow I am out I have had a long day a lot of cleaning in the house a lot of folding a lot of laundry and I am going to take it easy tonight.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night you wonderful readers and supporters, I do hope that your day and night is peaceful calm and more than gentle. I will see you tomorrow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety-One, March 31st, 2024

    Hello and Hi-ho

    Happy holiday! That is to anybody celebrating Easter happy holiday. I hope your Sunday is going well mine is filled with goodies, sweets, ham, turkey, and just enjoying the weekend as it is officially the ending of Spring Break. We took the time to enjoy and love the time together.

    To which is something I know I brought up in multiple posts. It’s the being present, being attentive, conscientious, and involved with the people that you’re connected to, the people that you love, and the people that matter. And I know it seems minute, I know it seems mundane, but there truly is something about that, the upbringing of family and nurturing and aiding, hosting, being there for people when they need you. Though there are times where I fail to miss the mark, or miss the moment of opportunity to assist with my wife, my son, and so on, but most of the time I am there. Right there, ready to help, ready to do what I can to make sure the people I love are attended to in a way their lives are easy.

    I feel that I’m there, I feel that I’m doing an alright job. And it’s funny I’ve been so stressed, so overwhelmed, so dreading something that is non-existent and that is an effort that I thought I truly needed to push, and that was in having a job. This is my job. Not necessarily leave the writing on the blog, but being the father and the husband that I am. The payment is the virtue and the knowing that I’m making sure my son’s life is as gentle and graceful to help him through life. And as a matter of fact this coming year fall 2024 I will officially have become his dad – friend as he likes to put in his talker, and his teacher. Which in all honesty, I feel that it’s a good time, he’ll be 12, and dealing with the hormones as well as a myriad of other things growing up being a young man comment I’m grateful that I get the opportunity and time to teach him how to clean teach them how to take care of what is his, his environment, himself, and others. It’s something truly I’m looking forward to and I know this is a weird post on Sundays but that’s how I feel and yeah I’m realizing that I am putting on a lot of weight with this the generalized and very heat archaic ideas that being a man means having to have a job when that’s not what being a man means at all being a man means standing up for what is right when you know it’s right, being there for the ones that need you, and acknowledging failures as well as addressing failures and making sure to pay with appropriate retributions.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. To you readers I truly, truly hope you the best, hope that your day and everything continuing on for you and yourself is beautiful and amazing and I will talk to you tomorrow or at least post.

    Like, share, and follow.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Ninety, March 30th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello

    I’d like to take a moment to apologize.

    I impatiently took to writing, posting and continued without giving much a thought, I didn’t think to look back at the site, to change the few pages on there, to categorize the lot of what’s been produced as of now. I wanted to write, to talk, to communicate with something, or someone.

    I was talking with my good friend John today while we went over the memoirs, life, more editing, more memoir plans, and conversation of life and life. He’s acquired a nickname, it’s LF and stands for Lucky F*****. We joke about it while driving for breakfast and looking for a parking spot, he asks how life is, how I’m hiding my time, what’s keeping me busy, am I applying anywhere, any luck with the law firm situation? And I find myself lamenting silently while I choke on the questions and the scalding coffee I forgot to let cool. Though I am moved by his concern and troubled too, not because I don’t appreciate it, but because I don’t have these conversations with anyone anymore. What I want to do is ramble but try to think methodically, conscientiously, and am thorough with what I state.

    I let him in on some truth, some inklings to life here, but try not to give him much, why though? I have a gentleman wanting to converse, bring inquiries, and showing concern, but I’m also wanting to pull myself out of the house to breathe if just for a moment. And to a specific reader, this means nothing but exactly that. I do still work with John, I try to maintain that work and not enjoy the effortlessness that is available if I choose to because I also want to be back home in a bit. But again this is a friend, one of one, and I keep simple. And try to turn the conversation back to the memoirs. But I need to remember to address the questions through the few hours we’ll spend together, through the organization and outline mitigation we tend to do each month to keep on track. 89 pages down now, 132 left to edit and likely another 200 plus left depending on the motivation John has in what to share.

    But like I’ve said the 80/20. I’m a work-from-home, stay-at-home dad, I rarely talk to my brothers and the one I do tend to talk to hasn’t been around for a while. And that 80/20 is associated with my wife and I have to be conscious of that and what that entails so, John and I talk, I tell him how the MS is going, how school is, when the Masters will start, my hopes, worries, and how the screaming from my son this morning is still rattling in my head.

    It’s like talking to a dad and I’m comforted by the ease of it and the familiarity with him, we make a good team and the last year and three months has been a blessing.

    Anyhow I apologize for the lack of effort for the site and will make sure I make some much needed changes the next couple weeks, by all means please do comment, like, share, and follow readers.

    Signing out.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, Good morning and good night readers may you have a beautiful day to come.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Nine, March 29th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    It’s almost the end of spring break. And it has been a rather joyous and relaxing week. Got to find out that my son likes knocking down the clown at Pizza ranch, really enjoys the penguins at the zoo, and loves going on little tiny grocery trips by simply grabbing a Walmart canvas bag with a smile.

    And as a parent, it is one of the most exciting things to be able to watch. And honestly it’s one of the most rewarding, regardless of the autism and whatever other crap we were told were going to be issues, to see my son be able to understand what he’s doing is wrong and apologize in the ways he does melts my heart. And I’ve come to find that the few things that I wanted in my life ever since I could remember, I’ve managed to keep.

    Not being funny, but real talk. Three of the biggest things I wanted in my life were One: to be a husband, Two: be a dad, and Three: to be a writer. And though I fail at a lot of things in my life, I feel that I have finally started towards my path and solely the path of that I made sure would eventually find me. Has stated previously, not a fatalist, but god damn is it freaking easy to see things line up when they do line up.

    I’m grateful, I’m grateful to be able to be here and write to you the reader, I’m grateful to be alive and breathe in the chilled air, and I am more than grateful to be able to rest in a peaceful home where my little guy and my wife are. I am grateful. And with that as it is Friday turning into Saturday morning I will say goodbye for today.

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night. Thank you very much reader, readers, your support is more then appreciated and I truly wish you Joy and peace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Eight, March 28th, 2024

    Hello and hi-ho readers and friends.

    I’ve been trying to juggle a few things together and hopefully, within the month, the site will be better curated for its purpose, but regardless I wanted to share a touch of self with power of purpose and spirit.

    Made using Canva

    I feel it pairs well with the phrase ‘keep it simple stupid’, the egregious it readily and very concisely addresses to simply keep it simple and yes redundant simply simple. Why not, am I right? Even thinking about the 80/20 that I’ve been talking about the last couple days, do I make it a big deal do I Fester on it, do I let it stew, or do I simply embrace the bit of time that I get to have with my wife as a married couple and be elated that I get to share my days with her outside of that 80/20, within that 80/20, and around that 80/20.

    Side note it was 80% leave me alone and stay out of my hair 20% be available when I want you.

    But again do we dig into the reasons why life is, and though this is a interesting circumstance and definitely a philosophical path, how much are we going to let it upset us? How much are we going to let it affect our choices and the steps we make? I’m still very much married, I still go to bed with my wife, keeping it simple is not struggling to get more when in all reality there is a malleable contentment, I am happy, and I like, no, I love the life I have. So why not keep it simple and with that does the simplicity bring us sophistication? It does, because it becomes something familiar and it becomes something nonchalant, organic, introspective, and enigmatic that flows through us like breathing, like wiping how’s your going to the restroom, it’s not that it’s mundane but practiced bringing that familiarity that knowledge and comfort. So that’s where my thoughts are maybe I had a Segway or two to which I digress. But I will share with you this a piece that will be popping up is something sincere and organic or something more personal. I hope you enjoy.

    Tulips in the Dust by: M. R. Vega

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night to all of you supportive readers, please do share, like, and follow, more to produce and be shared.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Seven, March 27th, 2024

    Hi-ho and hello.

    That 80/20 I brought up yesterday, still trying to figure that out was the 80 for being together 20 leave me alone, or vice versa. Pretty sure it’s the vice versa pretty much sure she wants to be left alone 80% of the time and will only be wanting me the around her 20% of time

    Who knows, recently I found a couple articles about the stay-at-home problems I can come to light, and though I feel that I’m genuinely part of the family and a part of her life it does make me nervous because my everything is invested into taking care of my son and being there, as well as attentive for both my wife and my boy to the point where I will make sure that I’m present I won’t have a phone on me, I will simply be patiently waiting there so waiting to be needed or, help her, cleaning up a mess or, life.

    The biggest thing is one: I’m not single, two I’m nearly done with school and wanting to head on after for my masters in teaching, and three: I’ve got the memoirs and this small blog sites going for me as well, however I do need to acknowledge that WordPress site really needs some more updates and really getting into it where you can actually tell I gave the time and picked up the knowledge to do WordPress and site page appropriately and correctly so you can communicate, you can ask questions and I can maintain. I guess that’s what I’m going for right?

    Back to the 80/20, now if we’re talking 80/20 in matters of beef, I’d say “can I have the 93/7”, trust me, less crud, less issues to deal with down the road after the beef’s been cooked. But then that makes me think, really, is she asking 80% of the time she’s wanting not anything to do with me, genuinely and honestly to be kind of blipped out of the picture and then 20% of the time there for to call me. Or am I being absurd, selfish, stingy with time? Probably. I guess it just gives me more time to focus on the backyard, the office, art, and this.How can you balance that? More so, how do you balance that and maintain a healthy and well managed marriage/relationship?

    So many questions, too little time…

    C’est la vie

    Good night and good morning, good morning and good night wonderful readers, may your day be gentle your night adorned with grace.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Eighty-Six, March 26th, 2024

    Hello and hi-ho.

    For any of you who are married or have been involved with your partner for over five years plus, I bring a question. How much time is to be allotted for the couple?

    My biggest reason for this being dropped a tad later than I had wanted was due to a discussion that was had on the Tuesday, the 26th, about 80/20 time.

    I was perplexed, and honest, I find myself confused still, and at a divided path for thought when thinking about not just myself, because, well, I can’t, I’m married and it’s not just me in the mix with life and the pursuit. But then comes a loaded question atop the previous; how much time is a partner supposed to keep available for one another?

    My answer received yesterday was 80/20, the conversation went like this: “Could I help with anything, d’ya need anything from the kitchen before I leave the room?”

    “I didn’t say I needed anything, god stop bugging me.”

    “I was just asking.”

    “You asked and I answered, I guess my answer just wasn’t what you wanted.”

    *scoff* “sorry, I wasn’t meaning to annoy, just thought you’d appreciated it if I had asked.”

    “You did and I answered, just stop, you’re bugging me.”

    I became more than rife with fretting and a concern that has been lingering here for a minute as I see the minute inquiries, and small concerns issued are seeming to push and push with little or no friction previously. So I ask this:

    How is this going to work then Love? I want to be here for you helping, not trying to bug, but I want to get a good idea how that looks, one day you want me on you, the next you want me further than a ten-foot post can reach. What is it?

    “80/20.” she smiles thinking it’s nonchalant, maybe it is. Maybe it means nothing. Personally I’m troubled, it’s spring break, and I thought…I thought the week would be panning out differently, thought there’d be moments of us working together, working to be together but no, silence and shushing because I talk too much, ask too many questions and bother enough that the answer is 80/20.

    Perplexed and exhausted. I’m going to go do some research about revitalizing and communication to see what steps to take to try to figure out what the f*** to do. The 80/20 crap has me feeling anxious and lost with what we are, especially now.

    C’est la vie

    Goodnight and Good morning, good morning and good night you beautiful souls, thank you for reading, we’ll talk soon.

    Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day Three, January 3rd, 2024

    Today I found an article in The Guardian. , “If you think you hate everyone, have something to eat. If you think everyone hates you, go to sleep.” The article, written by Wendy Syfret, resonated, and whether it had to do with the idea of rest the idea of a banana the idea of appreciating mental health or the convoluted mess that we all find ourselves to have a tendency in either being aware of or completely neglecting. What I appreciated about the mantra was the simplicity, it seems to be something that I appreciate about most logical and clearly thought out perspectives of people that I either look to or hear from or like. Similar to what we’re discussing or I’m discussing that was found and the words hit the heart or both the mind and heart.

    I think of life, love, and the very dear pursuit for happiness, though messy and convoluted, is not only a paradox wrapped up in the convoluted mess of strife and stress and wondering, but the beauty and simplicity that we have and learning and changing, to have that capability to have that freedom to make those choices not that I want to get on the argument of that big question in our philosophy classes as we grew up but I feel that that freedom and that capability to make that choice is that free will that we have to make the choice in making a change or not making a change to make a resolution or not.

    So I take to that beautiful flower I call life and I pluck, sometimes delicately, other times with a bashing and thrashing that leaves a wilt or wrinkle. These choices, at each petal are my life choices, and those Life choices go and help or destroy the becoming of what I am and what I hope will be a better me tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

    I take heed to that mantra, and take heed to the life lived. We live in a world where you and I, the person beside you, and those scrolling and doing the usual routine of screen absorption, vying for others lives lived and yearning for change, pull away, Take a breath, take a bite, and if you need take that nap. Become your own world, become the island or universe you want to embrace and shine through.

    “If you think you hate everyone, have something to eat. If you think everyone hates you, go to sleep.”

    Nosce Te Ipsum

    Reference: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/jan/04/my-high-school-teacher-accidentally-gave-me-a-lifelong-mantra-if-you-think-you-hate-everyone-have-something-to-eat

  • Day Two, January 2nd, 2024

    Do you ever take a look at the world or the small bubble that you find yourself in? Do you ever take counts of your stock, of your waste, do you take to what hasn’t been done, or do you just take a step forward every day not thinking about it?

    I’ve gotten very much into an app, and though this isn’t free marketing, it’s a suggestion to maybe check it out. It’s called Memento Mori, it’s a daily planning and journal project.

    Regardless of how I found it or how I use it, what I did find, through journaling, through readings, quotes, and persistent writings of my own in regard to how I felt with reading about stoicism, brought a calming, and a heed to listening to my breathing, to listen to the world around me.

    And with that my resolution became a sowing of betterment for myself and the ones I love, so I can be a better me and I can aim in treating myself the way I want to be.

    -Nosce Te Ipsum

  • Day One, January 1st, 2024

    I woke up this morning realizing that I likely got myself an F, the first F in college, which I find feels … not lovely. And then came the thought about resolutions, the next year ahead of me, and the slew of everything else, health, love, life, the pursuit of.. I guess what we call happiness.

    But before I started thinking about myself, my lovely wife is also in the room, and I asked “you got any resolutions or anything coming up that you’re looking forward to for the next year?” She states “No, I don’t believe in those, I don’t find the sense cuz if you wanted to do it why not just do it why make a resolution? Instead of doing it regardless.” I tried to understand while denying the obvious aspect, it’s the first of the month of the first of the year. In all honesty it is a new year.

    So it does call for it doesn’t it? I guess at least a thought, a moment to think and wonder why do we set resolutions? Why do we choose the new year to make changes?

    Or, is it the fact that the New Year in that refreshing of the spring, that we all know is coming, it does call for change, it calls for growth so maybe that’s what it is maybe it’s that. There’s the idea that within that resolution we’re planting seed or we’re planting a seed to bloom in bounds and be beautiful and how that beauty is shared and appreciated I guess is the point.

    I started getting in to stoicism and while dealing into the philosophy of what it entails I feel we misunderstand the concept. It’s not selfish and a bullish type, it’s a sander and polisher of the actually light fixtures within us enabling the concept and the methodology of how to be a better person not just for ourselves but so we can be better everywhere.

    What’s your resolution? Do you have one, many, books worth?

    As I’ve written in the past my goals and intentions sometimes fall flat sometimes completely disappoint, sometimes never take off and die. With that I am doing what I can to at least journal so welcome. Day one week one month one of 2024 hopefully I won’t bore you, likely I will, I think we’re all prone to bore a Time or two r I will share my opinion share my thoughts come back report refute please by all means like and follow, respond.

    Nosce Te Ipsum – M. Ryan V.