Hello and hi-ho.
Carl Jung’s Five Pillars, today we are addressing one, the first, and one that will likely be addressed time and again.
Pillar One : Good physical and mental health.
The thought of individuation comes to mind. Adversity is a large topic though too, that hangs over the pillar with wicked barbs awaiting my skin. But I’d like to pivot here due to an article I recently found having to do with my personal health journey.
Which had me go down the rabbit hole of past searches in my history and this took a considerable length of time to find. What I did manage to find was a case if not an honorable absolution to how we with disabilities are to circumvent the trauma and issues that we face on a daily basis, especially having to do with this intimate and personal experience. It is mine.
It is my daughter’s prom night today and through the getting her ready for the night that didn’t end up faring well and all the prep in just being a family and supporting her there were many times where my confusion depicted that of a fool. What and who was saying whatever was coming out of my mouth? And sadly that was only hours ago I can’t recall and these moments worry me. Because they’re like the sentence fragmenting you read here. That’s my mind, it’s in tiny bits of solutions and dictation in living with very little foundation to be seen. And though it’s there, it is lively, but due to those blanked spaces in my brain, most of it is fractured. Like a photo torn and regretted then taped back with minute parts missing. There was a moment where I very much became honest with my child in telling how regretfully fearful I am in doing anything and taking the strides forward not knowing where I’m going. That I’m nearly always finding myself in a position of sensation of whether I’m going or coming and what was done that was wrong.
There’s almost this petrifying to the limbs while moving forward, there’s almost a creeping halt in the mental space that is trying not to let go of what can be considered a tether to being positive and finding that happiness we are forever journeying towards. I told my daughter she has no idea how truly confused and upside down my world is half the time if not more. This is something I can confidently say is a salting to the wounds. When the time is quiet and I have a moment if not longer to collect and outline the plan for success in future is one thing, and on good days can be seen as rather positive, and I love those days. But the older I’m getting (33 now), the harder it’s becoming. I’m finding that I’m putting my cane out in the house it’s visual it’s right there ready I’m finding myself running into things and losing my footing and clamoring to a wall or a couch and gaining my footing again and again and again and then I watch these f****** commercials about the medication I’m taking the infusions, I’m getting and I’m really wanting to talk to them, those people that took this medicine as a beneficial aid, because since I started taking it, it just seems to be getting harder and more difficult.
And yet except for today being late I’ve been pretty on it consecutively. I don’t know if that’s means anything. What I’m trying to do is build up a regime to better my strength, meditate daily using Google’s Balance, and consistently journal for myself outside of what is posted here. It’s finding the lengths and gaps I need to attribute to recoup time after each. The body is needing some more prepping and I think therapy may be on the forefront to bettering my first pillar. Til tomorrow.
C’est la vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night. I will be better put together tomorrow, stay safe and rest kindly, thank you for the support and repeated coming back
Nosce Te Ipsum
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