Hi-ho and hello.
I’m trying to neglect the multiple sclerosis as much as possible knowing that eventually it will get the best of me. I’m nervous that it’s what I exude and partially what I represent and only that at the worst of times. I feel that there is a thwarting of the familiar that I’m anxiously awaiting to happen. I find it daunting, and the few that I talk to seem annoyed, distant more than intended. And whether they’re actually annoyed or not is to be determined, but when I see the notorious eye-roll after dropping something, or fumbling into a wall, or not catching cues that previously I’ve been known to catch, it’s like a slight slap in the face. I’d like to say I know they mean well, but it’s more a hope than anything else.
Honest, there are days though that are so much better than a large portion of others, take for example: a typical new week.
Days – Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are okay, decent, the fatigue isn’t as daunting and present. Thursday comes with complete exhaustion, a fatigue that’s not only unbearable but offers a willingness to not do anything, because the body doesn’t want to move. Friday, nearly the same, but it’s hungry, that is the body’s hungry, and the mind stares at the television ignoring the issues, the health, because in all honesty the complaints come with questioning, a queer interpretation of over worrying instead of just taking care of what is present to the patient.
But then there comes a call to myself, a call to take accountability, make an effort and push for communication. I feel that I let in too many distractions to maintain focus. My mind drifts to Henry Sugar and the black wick, drifts to writing, drifts to editing, to composure of being what I’m aiming to be.
Stuck Pt. 2 will be published this Sunday.
I’m late on my post I apologize it’s been busy I’ve been tired and neglecting getting a full night’s rest as I should try to maintain. I often find that the four to five and a half hours do me well, most of the time it feels that the right hour sleep schedule is too long, and consumes too many opportunities available.
C’est la vie
Goodnight and good morning, good morning and good night gentle readers.
Nosce Te Ipsum
Dream Dark Stories 